So I am back from Batam..

Told mum today.. i didn't feel like coming back.. afraid to come back to face all the nightmares again (not that i did not have them in batam)..

I think i need to take out more of that courage i know i possess inside me and push myself on..

Amidst all the tears and sadness and wallowing, I don't want to forget how to live.. I want to live, to hurt and to find happiness amidst it all.

I will keep crying.. and hurting... and crying and thinking and hating and replaying.. till i learn to forgive and forget. And let myself go.

And most importantly, i need to believe i can do it myself. And not seek solace from someone, or something, or sweep it under the carpet and have it revisit me in a few years' time.

Shuling, your healing will begin =)