Seems that I may be suffering from a "healthy" dosage of codependency issues, which could be why i attract Narcissistic-like characters like him..
Article to read:
http://www.fightbusters.com/Narcissism_and_Codependence.html
Excerpt about codependency from Melanie Tonia Evans' site:
Please Help Me Be Safe
Rather than take responsibility for their own lives, co-dependents try to control events and people through granting compassion, advice giving, lecturing, helplessness, emotional blackmail, manipulation, guilt or anger.
Co-dependents feel empty on the inside and try to fill this emptiness with things’ outside of themselves. They are personally dis-empowered in this state.
In most cases co-dependents are trying to re-write the scripts of their painful childhoods, and will re-attract the same pain over and over. Co-dependents often try to make safe and trustworthy environments with unsafe and untrustworthy individuals and circumstances.
By trying to control aspects outside of themselves – co-dependents end up being controlled by life and other people. Co-dependents forfeit their right to create their own lives.
It’s very important to realize that when we’re trying to change our outer life and are not congruently honouring ourselves, we are acting co-dependently. When we’re trying to fix life and other people we’re in a position where this can hurt us. If we continue to stand there whilst complaining, blaming or attempting to control the situation or person, we will keep getting hurt.
Exercise:
Are You A Fixer? Do You Need To Learn ‘Letting Go?’
It can be a very frightening yet enlightening exercise to identify yourself as a ‘fixer’.
Ask yourself - do you:
Spend a great deal of time obsessing about other people’s problems?
Feel responsible for another person if they come to you with a problem?
Feel bad when you can’t help another person with a problem?
Feel guilty saying, “No?”
Believe other people are responsible for the way you feel?
Find it difficult to feel happy on your own?
Check up on people or try to catch them out doing the wrong thing?
Forego your own interests because you’re worried about what someone else is or isn’t doing?
Take other’s issues or opinions personally?
Feel uncomfortable when being offered praise or compliments?
Tend to be very hard on yourself?
Struggle to nurture yourself with treats?
Have fear in regard to letting other people make their own choices?
Tend to seek love with dysfunctional partners?
Try to prove yourself to people so they’ll love you?
Feel like you are worthless without a partner?
Lose faith that God and the Universe will grant you happiness?
Often feel scared, alone, hurt and angry?
Gauge your feelings of happiness on how other people around you are feeling?
Feel abandoned when your partner derives enjoyment from activities or people that don’t involve you?
Say what you think other people will be comfortable hearing?
Have difficulty in getting to the point when you need to speak up?
Stay fiercely attached to people and situations even when you know you’re being damaged?
Results
18 or over
If you have said ‘Yes’ to this many of the questions you are severely co-dependent. There is a dire need for you to learn how to focus and take care of self. It is highly likely that you are often at the mercy at the life and other people and may often lose yourself. You have great difficulty in setting boundaries and sustaining your personal energy and self. Self-empowerment and self-awareness is highly suggested.
14-17
You have co-dependency issues. You may have problems setting boundaries and will often ignore your rights and feelings in favour of trying to keep other people happy. you'll benefit from learning how to listen to and respond to yourself. There is a need for you to stand up and align more with your goals, desires and rights.
9-13
Even though you do have self-awareness you still may have trouble setting boundaries and defining your goals. There is a need for you to risk ‘rocking the boat’ and learning to be more comfortable with your own company and beliefs. It would be helpful for you to examine and work on the areas in your life where you may be handing your power over.
3-8
You have the ability to be quite self-aware and look after yourself. However, there is still room for improvement!
0-2
You are a powerful person who knows how to set boundaries and honour yourself. Keep up the great work!
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