I was just telling C the other day: why my first relationship must be so dramatic / memorable in the wrong way? Other people's first loves are full of the sweetness of puppy love, lovey-doveyness and then a sweet memory to reminisce on when it's gone.

My first relationship is one where I fell hard and fast for the "ideal image" ("knight in shining armor"), thought he was the love of my life and we would marry and settle within 2 years, (that's where the fairytale ends), then i got cheated on / lied to, my friends were too heavily involved, and on top of that he is a Narcissist , which means i won't get the normal healthy sort of breakup with its closure and normal symptoms, i had no proper closure but a truckload of his empty promises of forever and "i can't live without you", "I want to spend the rest of my life with you", "you are worth everything", and him scarring me on occasions such as Christmas, Boxing Day, Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year period, my birthday (he promised holiday together in Mauritius), instead to deal with, i would suffer from withdrawal symptoms from the lack of this "drug", (as I came across in an article: where the counsellor said ex-heroin addicts have described the effects of the withdrawal symptoms from lack of a narcissist is 10 times worse than lack of heroin) and I may never love or trust again (i cannot even think of being in another relationship now without scarring myself and the other party).

She said that for what i have not gotten in my teenage years (the beauty of a first love), i am getting everything now at once. TOo much, too intense, but i am sure there is a lesson somewhere in it for me. And if I survive this "drama", i will be stronger than ever.

Now i just gotta focus on the grieving, healing, purging, carthasis.