I think it is especially hard today cos i am suffering from withdrawal symptoms from the holiday.. and the fact that my period is here and i still wake up feeling panicked and in fear that it would not get better.

So what did i do?

I literally forced myself to get up to face the day, and tell myself that it is only part of my life, not my whole life, not my whole self, and everytime he comes to mind, to force myself to replace a thought of him with a positive thought of something else, something like hey, so what i am going to do for my work today?

I also cannot forget or forgive the fact that he knew it was my first relationship and he was still vindinctive enough to hurt me this way, even telling me that nobody forgets their first love. Haha. I will not let him win. He wants to be remembered in the most impacted manner possible.. I guess his sense of self-importance is utterly misplaced cos he was the lowest-down worm that i allowed to enter my life. Has to be gotten rid of as soon as possible.

And how do i do that? My life, as i know it, is surrounded with some of the most beautiful, smartest and characters of quality that he would never have in his life (seeing that his life is empty and filled with superficial people or deluded people who pander to his charms and probably think he is going to be someone important when all he is doing is leeching off his family's influence and he is still a nobody at 34, scratch that, even the people he claimed to be friends with for decades must be of no quality not to see the character flaws in his personality). But then again, he is a narcissist, and narcissists get through their lives living off narcissistic supplies and die thinking they got the best deal of all.. Ah well. So be it.


What's important now is me. I need my own self-healing, why i'm attracted to characters like that (oh wait, i know, i have the tendency to want to "rescue" people) i definitely must be more selfish now and only rescue myself.

So let's start. I must be selfish today by doing something that makes me happy, even if it's something that will not agree with someone else.