My Beautiful July

I know if I do not get this post up and going, I may never get down to doing it, and by then it would be October, and the purpose of posting up a birthday post for July would have been totally defeated.

I want to do a proper post for my beautiful birthday month, because as I have mentioned, I want to have a memento of the good things in my life, to remind myself how truly blessed I am really, and be thankful for the people who have made it so beautiful for me.

My sis said i have been very fortunate this birthday, so many people have gone out of their way to make it special for me, be it to travel to get me stuff, researching for places to bring me to eat or taking time off just to spend the day with me. That was all i wanted this birthday actually : quality time.

Let the pictures tell the story =)

My celebrations started on 30 Jun when my darling babe, cat, brought me to a nice and quiet cafe in the North area, where we both live. I always thought quaint cafes as such could only be found in the more obscure places of Singapore, but was proven wrong. It was a lovely chillax dinner away from the crazy town crowd at Liquids Cafe. Loved it.

And though I had expected no gifts this bday, was pleasantly surprised by a lovely Tommy Hilfiger pouch (which she had bought on her London trip) and a really sweet card (bought with my taste in mind). I love the pop-up effect of the card v much.

Most importantly, the gift of her company, and the years of friendship, and her knowing me, knowing what to say at the right time, or give me a hug and silent understanding at others, and being there for me just without asking. I am truly grateful for the time given that I needed so much, just time and the plain understanding and faith that she had in me. =)

Think i spent much of my birthday month celebrating with the family. We had two (TWO!!) big meals at Imperial Treasure Dim Sum and Long Beach Seafood. Plus two lots of cupcakes!! I requested for cupcakes and no birthday cake this year. Mainly cos i just love the idea of varied flavours in sweet little cups. And Plain Vanilla is a fantastic new discovery. So good we went back for another round in July. Their red velvet is the best i have tasted. Not to mention fantastic service, they allow reservations to be made via SMS on the day itself. Love it! Ying even went to two 12 cupcakes outlets to get cupcakes on my actual day cos they were sold out at the first outlet and borrowed a polaroid cam from her friend and got kitty polaroids so we could take pics. Plus both sisters got me my fave chocs as little gifts! (Meiji strawbie chocs and Reese Peanut Butter Cups!) i'm blessed =)

Met eastie von for dinner and we had a nice dinner at Sushi Tei (cannot get enough of the freshness of their salmon sashimi salad and their sushis!) and dessert at Bakerzinn. It was a nice catchup for us as well. Always glad the gal chose to take the seat next to me in SW2101e tutorial class.

zt sweetz brought me for a nice dinner at Au Petit Salut, a French bistro for fine dining. Thank God i dressed appropriately. Loved my new Kaylene peplum dress. The cutting is fab and am glad i bought it although KD tot it was a size too big for me. Oh well theres always tailoring. Tried duck confit for the first time. i cannot say i really know how to appreciate the finer points of French dining but im glad i had the chance to try it. And she presented me with some teabags from her London trip (too!) which she had categorised and labelled with cute symbols i cannot help but take a pic of haha.. Always feel happy just to be in her presence. She is such a giving dear and always managed to touch me in the smallest ways possible. Like the time when she planned an evening out for me just to cheer me up, and the care packages she sent. I can't even :'). Really grateful for zt, though we seldom meet. Shes also another that just knows what to say or do to touch me at the best moments. Love u to bitz =)

Mine

Hers

Karrie babe took one day off just to spend it with me!! Whee~ Superbly touched really, cos i know how precious leave are to my office working friends. And she took it on my off-day just so she can spend it with me. Some good karma from the past life or wad? =) i really have a bunch of the best gfs around. We spent it eating and shopping.. as she always said, she can always manage to buy nice things with me haha. I have to say, she's my best shopping critic. Cos she will tell me if the dress is working for me anot, in all honesty. =) She brought me to a brunch place called Late Plate and after a sing-your-lungs-out session, we had a super nice dinner at Antoinette. Omg.. super love the ambience of that place, opened by renowned local chef, Chef Pang. Done up tastefully in French Victorian decor, the food did not disappoint as well. I will most likely go back just for its crepes and pasta.

It was supposed to be a June meetup with my fave gals but we had to push it to July as Syl babe was so busy.. Still it was a great meetup as always. My happy pills. I quote Syl, "it's amazing how good friends we are though we are so different". I would say i am just grateful that we came this far since uni days. Always there to provide laughter, joy, silly jokes, deep deep conversations and discussions and advice.. Again, how did i get so lucky? =) And syl dear bought cat and me belated gifts (cat's bdae in may).. sweet =)

Thankew mystery person! =*)

Love from mum's bff

A lucky gift!

As i was saying, i had expected little and almost no gifts this year but I was presented with some really beautiful gifts i have to share in my bday post. Really really sweet and thoughtful gestures, and most importantly with me in mind. The last gift was from a lucky giveaway, but i like to think of that bag as my bag of good luck for another wondrous adventurous year ahead! =)

Thank you all u lovelies who have made July 2012 sucha beautiful one for me. I am truly appreciative of all the thoughts and gestures with me in mind. =)

*****

Before i end off, wanna share some vainpot pics. I am very glad i went with the decision to curl my hair as it is turning out better than expected and i have been getting loadsa compliments on them. Love all the different styles i can achieve with it.

And i have also been exploring and rediscovering skincare with my sisters and improving my regime (say yay to forever-20 skin!). Especially getting into the idea of trying out skincare to find what works best for me. And i have to say, i am succumbing soon to the SKII spell. There is a reason why they are sooo goood. I am only a couple of weeks into their regime and the improvements to my skin texture are unbelievable.

Tadaaa!! Till the next time =)

*The Ultimate Dream*

I came across a particular blogger's bachelorette pad and it stirred up all the longing and desires within me to own my own place so much I was actually checking out prices of flats and how much savings I should have to be able to own my place eventually.

I can feel it. I really really want my own place so much. I can see myself, in 7 years' time, opening the door to a place I have paid for with my own money and then just crying at the doorstep. Cos i have done it myself.

I will see that day =)

Got this from BeatriceTan's blog.. and think it can serve as a reminder to myself in my own little space:

"Michael Leung, a famous TV Host and MC/DJ in Hong Kong , is also a child psychotherapist. The a letter that he had for his son is quite moving. It would not only provide a guideline for children, but also benefit for all ages.

My Son, I’m writing this list based on three fundamentals:
- Life is unpredictable. No one knows how long we’re going to live, so some things are better said earlier than later.
- I’m your father. I’d be the only one to tell you these things.
- Everything on this list came from my own experience. I learnt them the hard way, and hopefully that’ll save some unnecessary steps in your life. .


1. To people who are unkind to you, don’t sweat it.
Through your lifetime, no one is obligated to be nice to you, besides your mom and me. As for the people who are kind to you, treasure them, be grateful, but at the same time, be extra cautious. Everyone does everything for a reason. When someone is nice to you, it doesn’t mean they like you. You need to be able to see through the surface, instead of making them your true friends immediately. （

2. No one is irreplaceable, and nothing is indispensable.
With that in mind, even when you lose the people or things that you love and treasure the most, in the future, you need to understand that it’s not that big of a deal.

3. Life is short.
While you’re wasting it today, you’ll realize you’re at the end of it tomorrow. So the earlier you start to treasure your life, the earlier you can enjoy it. Instead of hoping for longevity, start to live life fully early.


4. The thing called “The Best Love”, or “The One”, doesn’t exist.
Love is a feeling of moments. It will definitely changes over time and moods. If your so-called “Best Love” left you, please be patient and let time heals your wounds. Through time, your heart will come to peace and your pain will ease. Don’t over expect the beauty of Love, nor over exaggerate the pain when you lose it.

5.You can start from nothing to your name, but you can go nowhere if you are not fully prepared.
Although a lot of successful people received high education, you might not be successful if you don't study hard. The knowledge you consume will become your weapon. You can start from nothing to your name, but you can go nowhere if you are not fully prepared. Never forget that!


6. I don’t expect you to support me for rest of my life, so I’m not going to do the same for you either.
When you’re grown enough to be independent, it will be the end of my responsibilities to you. From that point, it’s completely your own responsibilities and decisions, whether to take the bus or drive a Benz, or whether to eat shark fins or rice noodle.

7. When ever you decide to treat others, remember they won’t necessary do the same in return.
You can require yourself to be accountable to others, but don’t expect accountability from others to you. You can require yourself to be nice to other, but don’t expect the same from others to you. When ever you decide to treat others, remember they won’t necessary do the same in return. You must be very clear on this, or you’ll be very disappointed unnecessarily.


8. There’s no free lunch in the world.
I’ve been buying the Lotto for almost twenty years, but still poor. I had never got the third prize even once. So remember, you have to work hard to be successful. There’s no free lunch in the world.


9. You got your family by karma and it happens only once.
Please treasure every moment we spend together, because we don’t know how long it will last. After this lifetime, we won’t see each other anymore.

Your Father"

This day I woke up, surrounded by my notes and papers, feeling the cool breeze from the morning on my face, I felt truly grateful and happy for how far I had come. I must always remember this feeling and to hold the happiness within.

I have been blessed with some of the most amazing people in my life *pixies* as belluspuera would call them. I love that expression of hers. Truly i have been blessed with some of the most wonderful people in my life.

my bday wish to myself this year =)

My birthday month has started off with quite a blast. I had two loads of cuppycakes (bought lovingly by sis and mum) and the company of my beautiful family over fabulous dim sum on my actual day. Bday wishes and calls from loved ones were aplenty =) and I am looking forward to more gatherings with these *pixies* before i can do up a full bday post.

I had used this blog to document my healing journey.. and whilst i cannot put an end as to when it will end, I also wanna remember to be grateful for all that i have and use it to record happy things as well. #thesecret =)

Look at what i have received from two of my faeries (C & KD) and a surprise additional gift from Yventually's lucky giveaway (the secret works!) so far! I had not expected anything for my bday this year, just quiet celebrations with my dear ones as i celebrate the birth of another year filled with adventures for me (i hope) But then who doesn't like presents? :

Here's to a year filled with cuppycakes (super craving Plain Vanilla's red velvet and 12Cupcakes' Peanut butter choc now!) and fantabulous experiences! Anyone who buys me cuppycakes will make me a happy gal instantly =) #iamsoeasytoplease

Attuned..

I'm kind of ... relieved? I spilt out what was making me unhappy/tied down/uncomfortable and as i am listening to my feelings now, though there is still discomfort at doing something that i'm not used to/something that seems abrasive, i am kinda happier/freer/less burdened.

I must do more of it and keep all the unhappiness at bay. Be more adept at expressing my feelings, and dispel the negativity. Oh The Secret! Pls fill my life with your goodness =)

Before that, as i get attuned to my feelings, i can still feel the wound.. it is still oozing negativity, hence i really cannot afford to have people keep provoking it by adding on to the negativity by saying how dissatisfactory/lacking i am. Cos i know i am not. I am human. I have feelings and i am entitled to them. I just need to plant more good stuff so the wound can close up in time =)

I will remember that nothing is more important (to a woman's preservation of her youth) than sunscreen ;)

Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young

I did wonder if my actions are a little drastic.. that i choose to cut people off my life. But in time, i think i would come to realise: To those who understand without questions are the ones that matter. The ones who do not understand I seriously don't have to explain myself. Even if no one understands, i should think if what i do is what I myself am happy with.

That settles it.

A bimbotic post

I've been wanting to change my look for a while, and of course, the hair, being the crown of our head/body, is the first to make a change. After all, honestly, it makes or breaks your look and overall feel. Humans are visual creatures, and the face/hair is the first most's eyes are drawn to.

Though I really much prefer my fuss-free routine of straight rebonded hair that do not require much styling or fussing about, the length of it is really making my hair weigh down and it is looking more and more limp and flat. I just look very tired overall. I had to look for a hairstyle that can introduce more volume to my hair, and this was what came up in my google search:

These two blogshop models had the voluminous korean-girl-like hair i was looking for. Plus the first one, Beatrice Tan, had the same limp hair problem as I did. She did this thing called a texture perm to achieve the effect as seen in the pic. I have also heard of this hair technology from Korea called volume rebonding that is supposed to give a similar effect.

My sis is usually the researcher when it comes to haircuts. I stuck to my Yew Tee stylist for 5 yrs under her recommendation. But lately, she found a new one online whom she had been raving about.. His haircuts are supposed to be superb and he gave my sis a fringe so fab that she doesn't even trim it herself anymore, but rather pay the guy to do it. Mind you, she's quite a stinge on this. Im not usu so keen on male stylists ever since one butchered my hair with some blade. But i know how fussy my sis is with regards to haircuts, so I can trust her judgment enough. And he is a one-scissors man, just like my Yew Tee stylist. Using one pair of scissors with no other tools or blades calls for true skill. That is one thing i am very particular about as well to anyone who touches my hair.

Armed with the determination to get a new look with volume, we headed to Twister Salon at Tampines One. The new (and permanent for now) stylist is Kason Kiu (who is not gay and just recently got married). My sis did alot research on him online and decided to try him out based on the good reviews not just by sponsored bloggers. I have this thing about salons who sponsor alot bloggers too.. Cos i feel they only give their best to the bloggers to bring in business and then do shitwork on normal customers. That was also a reason i was apprehensive about trying Salon Vim though they did the texture perm on the gal above and i felt it was what i was looking for. But this Kason is apparently endorsed even by normal people who aren't sponsored. Hence the decision to try him out.

Byeeee Long Limp hair.. This is the longest I have ever reached, and fact realised is: too long hair doesn't suit me. It seems my hair gets lesser and lesser as it grows longer. OMG How i envy those with thick manes! But it's a world that is never satisfied. I have gfs with thick hair who likes my long limp straight hair.

Transformation time: This is already post-haircut and boy, am i happy with my new fringe cut. The haircut he gave me already gave me a more refreshed look. He really knows how to cut to frame your face. His fringe cuts are out of the world. If anyone is unconvinced, can give him a shot. The fringe cut is only 5 bucks and a whole haircut is 40bucks.

My sis couldn't stop laughing at this process. It looked as though i was in a mental hospital with all the wires stuck to me to give me a brain electrocution process. Or like a lab rat.

Tadahhh curls and volume. My sis made me take this act-chio pic fluffing up my hair.

Helloooo volume!

I gotta say, the first look wasn't a good impression, i was just unused to the look of curls on my head and worried that i might look aunty. Styling it is important here, and i was taught a few tricks by the stylist. Yeah, need to spend time. No more fuss-free routine.. That's what i have to do for limp hair.

Side-by-side photo grid of before and after.

I am definitely satisfied with the haircut and the new look. The curls took me a while to get used to.. and it's already growing on me.

How to not love this?!

Princessy curls, taken from back view by sis. Super pwetty, and my real hair! haha.. My hair looks brown here, and I haven't dyed for yrssss... The curls won't last i know, but i gonna make them last while they can!

On yoga's connection to life

I am very thankful for my weekly yoga sessions.. thankful to find a good yoga teacher who takes her time to correct everyone's positions and makes sure her lessons benefit all. Some of the ladies in the class are nice too.. Smiles and greets and one even let me queue in front of her when we were paying for our next course.. I just wanna document each little thing i remember and am grateful for daily.

Today's yoga lesson was enlightening. I had already facebook'ed it, but just want to journal it for my own remembrance:

1) Finding space within your positions akin to allowing space to receive optimism on life's upsets

2) Discovering something new in your positions with each practice

3) Focus on forceful exhalation in breathing to expel negative energy and thoughts

I am starting to really ♥ yoga for all the healing and lessons it has imparted to me. Enlightening 1.5 hours every week.

I think the most useful lesson is the forceful exhalation, (i cannot find the proper yoga name it is called), where one has to use the stomach muscles to forcefully exhale through the nostrils. The teacher said that such an exercise may cause some dizziness for some, but it is a very useful exercise to enable one to focus on the breathing and expel all other thoughts in one's mind because one is so focused on the exhaling. Negative energy and thoughts are expelled in this manner too.. I must remember to do it once a day or every other day.

As i enter my 6th or 7th lesson, i find it easier to do certain stretches and positions.. in the correct employment of my muscles.. of course there are parts of my body that seem to ache in the wrong places, like my knee joint, but can really feel the overall wellbeing of the mind and body. Yoga has really been a great healer to me this period.

Today's lesson was also about yoga's connection to life. How to find space in my positions to receive positive energy and enable a better stretch, just like how in life, one cannot close up too much of one's heart when upsets happen but instead be open to receive optimism and a broader perspective.

This suddenly occurred to me on my way home today.. I was quietly leafing through my thoughts and I realised that i cannot remember the exact date of the M saga.. I roughly remember the period it happened in, but i cannot remember the exact date.. I used to remember it for a few years after it happened, and i remembered how i used to tense up and wince and get all irritz when the "anniversry" of the event comes close. However I have arrived at the stage where I cannot even remember the dates and memories of our times spent together are blurry... So it shows that time can really do its job by healing for me.
I have been remembering this saga by monthsaries.. and it's been 4 months. I look forward to the day when everything becomes a blur, where it comes to a stage where it just ceases to nothing but a distant memory of the past for me.

Have to thank G for recommending me to go for it during that period =)

On Motivation and Sweet thoughtfulness

I've been quite stressed out this couple of days.. As the students' results start coming back, it's like getting my half-year appraisal, of sorts. Whilst results do not determine everything, in my line of work, it does serve as a sort of work-appraisal.. Has my methods/efforts worked for the student?

The compilation thus far has been mediocre.. I have a fair share of students who have shown improvement, but also a number who have not done as well. I was on tenterhooks.. teethering on the edge.. then came the evaluations, parents' feedback and requests.. Very luckily for me, this period is not a matter of who should be responsible or be blamed, unlike in some areas of work i know. I hope that means my communication skills with the parents have improved some these 2 years.. We are looking for solutions and not who to blame. I also have to be thankful that for the families i have worked with long enough, the parents have enough trust in me and also are the understanding kind. Of course, that does not mean i can shirk my own responsibility just because the parents are not the i-blame-u sort. Hence that explains the stress i put upon myself and my quality of work.

It was only till midday today whilst i was in the midst of messaging conversations with parents that i took a step back and realised what a good learning point this can be. I have been rather lethargic recently due to the lull in my work. It seems i have exhausted my resources and i am facing a period of stagnancy where I do not feel i can do more. This has happened to push me back onto the motivational platform again, which reminded me of when i first started out and was going through that crazy busy period of resourcing and reading up loads of materials to establish myself and hone my skills. I can do this again! Resources are limitless.. I can look for more ways to sharpen my skills. This has happened to give me the much-needed push. =)

Perhaps this is what they mean by seeing every moment as a challenge instead of a struggle. I read a very appropriate article that JC posted on Facebook today:

http://www.purposefairy.com/4899/15-powerful-things-happy-people-do-differently/

*****

Came home today feeling abit tired out and weary and saw a brown package waiting for me.

OMG a care package from my dear ZT... filled with some of my fave things.. star-themed! and a really sweet note. I almost teared when i read it. =) thankew gal u have no idea how much your care package was a booster to me =)

It's been a while since i received such care packages.. i rem back in schooldays, it's sth my friends and i always did for each other from time to time (i rem receiving a handmade container of 500 hearts folded from bus tickets from my partner in school during a rough period) when emails and technology weren't all the rage. Nowadays, it's so rare to receive something someone really goes out of his/her way to prepare for you with you specially in mind. I was really touched by ZT's gesture. And it really came in at a very good time, when i was feeling rather down and stressed out. I guess gifts is really my love language. My heart is so easily won by such sweet gifts. It doesn't even have to be expensive, just have to be with me in mind =)

I love u ZT, and you are the blessing i wanna thank for today =)

On Inspired Brands and Relationships

I had an interesting (and usual) conversation with my sis today on the topic of inspired (she calls them "fakes", despite the fact that inspired means modelled after without the brand's logo) brands versus the real thang.. My sis is obviously very much the "real thing or nothing" gal (i have a couple of gfs like her) whilst I belong to the category who prefers to pay a fraction of the cost for an inspired brand which is just as well made and looks almost or close enough to the real thing, to the point i had friends asking me if it is actually the real thing.

I had just purchased some YSL Arty-inspired rings from online and she was all like, the real thing is only 300+, get the real thing! I replied with my usual answer, No way. I simply cannot plonk a 3-4 digit sum down for something that isn't an icon (that said, i think the only icon worth paying for is the Chanel, it's simply a classic) or something I will grow tired of after a while. I love variety in my accessories and bags, which explains why I cannot just pay a 4-fig sum for a real Celine, or a Bal. I will not fully utilise its cost, given my bag-changing rate. Wallet i can justify, as one is not likely to transfer wallets all day long. Bags, i like to match to my outfit, hence I change from day to day according to my mood and outfit of the day.

That got me thinking. I enjoy variety in my dressing: my clothes, my bags, accessories and even hairstyles (for friends who have been with me long enough, they have seen me with hair even shorter than some guys). My logic is, I only live once, and hence I must try it all out! If only i can apply this to more emotional aspects of my life, then perhaps I would not always get so stuck when I face a human relationship crux. If only i can abandon my feelings or move on with the same reckless abandon i pay to my stuff ( i just discarded / passed on another two bags today - one of which used to be my fave clutch of all time), things would be so much easier for me. Unfortunately my attention to anything that requires that hot bloodred blood pumping organ in my chest is as one-tracked as the devotion my sis pays to LV.

So i backtracked abit and thought, if i had paid a 4-figure sum for that clutch, would i have passed it on with such little feeling? Perhaps not. Same goes for relationships I guess. The more time/efforts/heart a person invests, the more s/he is likely to hold on hoping for a better tomorrow.

Perhaps I also know i am unable to pay so much for a brand and would rather content my lust still with an inspired. At least I get to fulfil my lust. I cannot see the value in a brand, so i would rather settle for the lesser as it involves lesser heartache when the object eventually wears and tears. So i pay the price i think is worth for the inspired, which is usually a 2-digit sum. A fraction of the 4-digit sum only! Problem solved. I satisfied my lust. I paid the price. I can move on fairly well when it eventually wears and tears without too much heartache for the price i paid.

The values we can attach to material stuff cannot always apply to human relationships though.

I cannot hope to restrict my feelings and give the worth I think it is worth in a relationship when I am in love. When i am in love, it is not about paying $50 when I think it's worth $50 and $100,000 when i think it's worth $100,000. When i am in love, I give all my fortunes out. Such people are stupid some would say. But that is why they say love is blind.

I also cannot just fulfil my lust. (i mean, physically)

However the one value i have towards inspireds is one thing i had always done when it comes to matters of the heart. I have always settled for less. My logic tells me I cannot settle for less in a relationship (even if i can settle for less in material brands). But my heart always told me to settle for less because i probably do not deserve more. I have treated my heart the same way I buy an inspired (just settle for it because you cannot have the real thing), forgetting that my heart is actually the most priceless treasure of all, (Even as I am typing this, i am doubtful of myself still.. GAWD.. Old habits die hard) and should be treated with even more prudence than i treat my bank account.

Hence when the price is paid and the relationship wears and tears, the heartache lingers. For a long long time. Because the price tag had been an exorbitant one.

That is why they always say self-love is the highest regard you can pay to yourself. It is true. A gal who always puts herself first, pampers herself first, loves herself first, gets the sort of relationship many can only hanker and dream about eventually.

Perhaps I should start to learn to direct my one-track devotion to the real thing soon. Then Chanel will stop living in the back of my mind and become a reality soon =)

i will still continue to pursue my love for designer brands through inspired brands. But i will not feel guilty for buying that real 500+ Prada wallet that i treated myself to.

Ultimately this is my attitude towards fashion. I want to have that beautiful design, but i am not going to beat myself up if i cannot afford the 4-digit price tag. If the inspired pleases me, i will still have my cake. Yes this one can settle for less.

Likewise, i have paid the price emotionally. I can stop beating myself up and direct more punishments on the already-badly-wounded heart. And start restoring it with more self-love. I have to listen to the message its feeble voice is trying to carry to me. No you cannot settle for less here. I am your priceless. Treat me well.

I just have to be careful not to intermix the attitude i have towards fashion with the attitude towards relationships. Just as I am very aware of my one-track devotion in relationships, I have to be very aware not to settle for less again.

Photo credits: http://www.somestylest.com/2012/03/quiet-riot.html

The magic moment - Paulo Coelho

Read this on Paulo Coelho's blog, which was pretty apt after I blogged about happiness and disappointments yesterday. This man can really put words in context.

The magic moment

On Happiness and Disappointments..

So I woke up this morning to K's message that our Korea trip was off, as her colleague's friend sold the incentive tix without his knowledge (explaining why my redemption last fri did not go well.. I kinda had a bad feeling then but tot it would work out as long as we procured the redemption letter. Once again, i gotta trust my uncanny instincts on such matters). It was super disappointing, and i wanted to go for morning swim with sis to swim off the frustration, but minutes after we got out the house, it started drizzling and distant thunder was heard in the background, so we had to head back. Annoyingly forty-five mins later, the sun came out again! Urgh.. when it rains, it always pours. (metaphorically)

I was really upset cos i was looking forward to the break.. but as comforting msgs came in and I watched the weather change, I realised that the recent disappointments had kinda shored me up abit. The feelings come and go.. I was very disappointed, but it isn't worth wasting my entire day mulling or wallowing over (rem G's words). I realised that as long as i changed my thinking, that was really all it took. So i cheered myself up (after making all my whatsapp complaints), decided there must have been a good reason that this has happened, better things will come up, and went for a movie with my sisters. Johnny Depp was gorgeously funny in Dark Shadows =)

We can look out for better deals, and i can save more moolah, even treat myself to a nice treat (partly to make up for the disappointment) and then the day becomes better. I was just reading this article in an old 8Days mag, and a celeb said sth on relationships that we all would be well-acquainted with but i decided to document here as a journal memory:

"The split taught me that you can't have an existence where you cannot survive without another person. Your partner's job is not to make you happy. That's your job. Furthermore, the happier you are on your own, the more likely you'll find someone who can come into your life to share it."


I remember G telling me that i must remember that i cannot be afraid of being alone, of loneliness. As humans are made to procreate and come together, this can be a difficult concept to accept. Whilst it is true that I do want someone by my side at the end of the day, i realise i cannot truly achieve that nor attract that kind of energy as long as i dun learn the secret of being happy on my own and lead a fulfilling life myself. It's uncomfortable stimes and i get people telling me or feeling that i should not be always lost in reflective thoughts or being by myself too much, but i know i need to.

I will still hang out with people when i want to. But as i spent time by myself, like today, watching a couple vids on a variety show, and dressing up a toy boutique shop, i enjoyed and savoured the peace of just doing my activities.

I also read some interesting thoughts on happiness off this novel sis lent me recently:

'The old monk said, "The basic mistake people make is to think that happiness is the goal!"'

'If you try to achieve it, you have every chance of failing.'

'Because they tended to believe that what they thought was reality and that was often not the case.'

I cheated abit and skipped to the last quote at the back.. so i think i still need to read the entire novel to comprehend it better.

If we stop seeing happiness as a goal, and start enjoying what we do, i guess eventually that's where happiness comes in, unconsciously.

My lovely G sent me a really sweet message tonight, and I would like to journal it here, so that I would read back when I need it for a reminder or pillar of strength. Thanks G:

Hmm was re-reading some of my writings and thoughts. And just thought I share with you, amongst others, this little paragraph that I used to say or write every night;
"should my life be taken from me tonight, I'm thankful blessed and happy that I've lived today the way today lived out to be." hope this applies to you too;) sleep tight tonight!

-G (in her exact words)

I will remember to thank the present/gift of today =)

I love what i read in Melania Tonia's ebook on "How to align your emotion with logic" today.. As i read, i reflected. Feelings of pain and fear and anxiety still grip me, but i no longer want to run or escape or distract from them. Because the acceptance now will mean a better healing, a true healing.

I realise the running away or avoidance do not help. And although i may not have all my answers now, i think at least now from her book, i can better understand what is the meaning to create and trust your Wise Self, rather than rely on others.

And i realise i gotta learn to reject and eject negative people and energies and activities from my life.

Again, the niggling thought of him creeps into my mind.. where i will keep pondering why he would choose to hide me and openly show off that woman on his FB that time. Is it cos i am not worthy? And a lesson in the ebook taught me that once i am aligned with my true Self, i will no longer let what others did or did not do affect me any longer. I hope i can reach that stage soon.

Blogging it all out feels so much better =)