I haven't been in this space for a while. *blows cobwebs*

I miss the days i blogged alot. The days where social media platforms weren't a dime a dozen.. and my writing filled composition-long entries on my blog and pages in my diaries. But the present times have evolved. Nobody is patient enough nowadays to scroll through entire pages of words.. Blog entries unaccompanied by pictures are deemed to be wordy, and hence boring.

And without my constant practice, it seems i struggle to let the words flow.

I need to write.

Days at this time of the year are filled with idleness.. where my days are spent simply whiling around. I wake sometimes with no particular activity for the day.. like today. Woke at 10.. went for a simple brunch with my cousin at the nearby neighbourhood mall.. and then i came back and whiled the afternoon away, alternating between watching shows on my iPad, playing Plants vs Zombies, and napping.

It feels good.

It feels good to just take a day off like this with no concrete plans.. And i have only grown to appreciate days like this since i took on tuitions full time. Because i don't have a fixed routine to follow, i actually have more time on my hands.

Days during the busy period were agenda-packed. Reading, marking, planning lessons before the actual lessons on the day. So i think i do deserve this idleness in the lull period, and enjoy it without guilt.

But of course, years of habit and training does still make me feel that insidious guilt at times for idling for an extended period of time, so on days i feel geared to do something, i read random articles online, vacuum, mop and clean the toilets and cook simple meals for myself when i don't feel like stepping out at all.

Whichever mood for the day i am in, i appreciate. I appreciate my me time.

The last social gathering gave me a pensive night. As I shed the cloths and colours and trinkets, I pondered. I had felt overwhelmed in a crowd.. having always been all by myself all along. The quick meals in between lessons, seated at food courts or cafes with only my iPad or music for company, the lone travelling to the different venues, only in touch with the world through the social media platforms and Whatsapp.. I have grown increasingly used to this routine.. so plunged in a social situation does still have me confounded and befuddled. I can't seem to relate to the noise and activity.

And yet, i longed. I yearned. Still..

I have been very quick and efficient of recent years to learn to handle these feelings well. But they still lurk somewhere at the back of the secret enclaves.. teased and tempted by wisps of memory in situations or events as such.

Perhaps...