I haven't been in this space for a while. *blows cobwebs*

I miss the days i blogged alot. The days where social media platforms weren't a dime a dozen.. and my writing filled composition-long entries on my blog and pages in my diaries. But the present times have evolved. Nobody is patient enough nowadays to scroll through entire pages of words.. Blog entries unaccompanied by pictures are deemed to be wordy, and hence boring.

And without my constant practice, it seems i struggle to let the words flow.

I need to write.

Days at this time of the year are filled with idleness.. where my days are spent simply whiling around. I wake sometimes with no particular activity for the day.. like today. Woke at 10.. went for a simple brunch with my cousin at the nearby neighbourhood mall.. and then i came back and whiled the afternoon away, alternating between watching shows on my iPad, playing Plants vs Zombies, and napping.

It feels good.

It feels good to just take a day off like this with no concrete plans.. And i have only grown to appreciate days like this since i took on tuitions full time. Because i don't have a fixed routine to follow, i actually have more time on my hands.

Days during the busy period were agenda-packed. Reading, marking, planning lessons before the actual lessons on the day. So i think i do deserve this idleness in the lull period, and enjoy it without guilt.

But of course, years of habit and training does still make me feel that insidious guilt at times for idling for an extended period of time, so on days i feel geared to do something, i read random articles online, vacuum, mop and clean the toilets and cook simple meals for myself when i don't feel like stepping out at all.

Whichever mood for the day i am in, i appreciate. I appreciate my me time.

The last social gathering gave me a pensive night. As I shed the cloths and colours and trinkets, I pondered. I had felt overwhelmed in a crowd.. having always been all by myself all along. The quick meals in between lessons, seated at food courts or cafes with only my iPad or music for company, the lone travelling to the different venues, only in touch with the world through the social media platforms and Whatsapp.. I have grown increasingly used to this routine.. so plunged in a social situation does still have me confounded and befuddled. I can't seem to relate to the noise and activity.

And yet, i longed. I yearned. Still..

I have been very quick and efficient of recent years to learn to handle these feelings well. But they still lurk somewhere at the back of the secret enclaves.. teased and tempted by wisps of memory in situations or events as such.

Perhaps...

A little reminder..

I have been really tied down lately, and unfortunately have not been in the best of spirits as a result. I guess I forgot to take care of myself.. and I have even snapped at some people. Thankew for your patience with me my angels.. this period.. Received an email from one of those lists i subscribed to today that reminded me..

Hey Beautiful,

What do the ones we love need from us most of all?

They need us to stay the GEM that we are - by taking care of ourselves on the inside.

Here is an email I received about this:

Mimi,

Thank you for this message! The one factor I forgot in the equation of my life was me.

No more. I do need more.

Again, thank you.

Eve

Interestingly, this person's name is EVE.

EVE is a reminder of the first woman. EVE can remind us that our first and most important task is to honor the essence of who we are - (or who we are becoming)!

Taking care of you can be tough when times are toughest.

It's when it seems hardest of all to care for yourself that it's more important than ever to take care of YOU.

If you neglect your own emotional needs and don't listen to your own heart, then you won't be nearly your best at taking care of the people you love or the things you care about.

When you don't take care of yourself; when you put yourself last on your own list - then you open yourself up to getting sick or down emotionally or in some other kind of mess.

We all have our Moments of Truth. Everyone goes through tough times, even if it doesn't always seem that way.

If life gets too far from "normal" or "happy" for too long, it can be debilitating.

We often don't know what "normal" and "happy" are - until we no longer have them.

Tough times make us appreciate how wonderful it is to have "ordinary" times. What might otherwise seem ordinary is reason to get down on our knees in thankfulness.

You owe it to YOU to be YOU. Remember that people love you for who you are. Don't let yourself slip away - when you need your own strength the most.

The people who love you look to you for your strength and kindness and gentleness and humor and good-heartedness (or as much of those as you can rustle up) :).

Life is short, so contribute your best while you can - your good spirits and your encouraging words - even when it's not easy to do.

"Beautiful" is in your soul - in the person who treats the others who cross your path in a way that makes them feel happier, seen, heard, encouraged, and respected.

Often we also need to forgive others who are not able to give these same things back to us - because they're so consumed in stress and have lost the big picture.

How does this relate to your love life?

When it comes down to it, there's one thing that is more important than anything else:

The ultimate thing a man needs from the woman he loves is to be able to Trust Her Kind Heart.

If he has faith in that, then he has faith in you.

I have heard from women whose trust has been stomped on - and who have decided to step away from hurtful relationships - wisely!

Don't let that stop you from being you or from taking care of you. That's how to be strong and face what life brings us - finding solutions and making things work - or sometimes - just hanging on until the storm passes. Whatever it takes!

Credits: Mimi Tanner, Relationships advisor

I haven't used this space for very long. Just want to use this today to document a nice incident I had yesterday.

Sat on a cab back and the uncle, whom I realized was an old man upon payment, waived off almost $2 off my cab fare for me. So sweet! Just because he said he lived nearby.. My cab fare came up to $5.65, I handed him $6, and he just gave me back $2, I said cannot.. And he insisted because he only lived nearby. It is not everyday you meet a nice taxi uncle, so I must credit him.. On top of the fact he looks like the kind of nice grandfather I never had.

I believe in karma, paying it forward. Sometimes when I sit on a cab, I believe in giving that little extra, because my father is in the line himself, and I hope the good karma will go back and he will meet nice customers. Yesterday night, I met the nice uncle. I hope he receives good karma too.

=)

Tired..

I think I have to be okay with being me.

I don't have to feel guilty for my neuroticism ( note: different from neurosis ).

I have to know me being me is not defined by a single event.

They may find me short-tempered or jump to conclusions about someone they do not know even after all these years, or pass a judgement on someone they do not bother to know, but i got to go by M's nugget of wisdom : They are going to form conclusions anyway. Let them. M is my best woman in this world =) Love u M even if u don't read this.

Keep calm and cool. I miss my yoga. I wonder how is my prev yoga teacher doing now. Hope all is well with her..

Latest happenings..

The brief respite of *calm after the storm* has set in.. Post exams now, i can finally get a breather, and some air into my coughing lungs (haven't fully recovered.. am at the stage of losing my voice now). But wait, upcoming in less than 2 weeks is dear C's wedding.. I have already met the bridal party gals 2 days in a row with another breakfast meeting this Friday, a PH.

Thought i will update with some cheery pics after the rather droll, emo post below. I was just telling Kr that I write alot better when I am emo. My writing has been described as melancholic lol.

:: Featured for my work =) ::

It's actually a very small feature with one of my tuition agencies but nonetheless an achievement for these few years =) My heart did a little dance of joy when my agent messaged "May I have the pleasure of featuring you in our website?" Thank you!!



:: You made my day ::

Some sweet notes from the kiddos.. I had one of the worst coughs I've experienced, and this time round, it convinced me that cough is the hardest illness to recover, topping stomach problems in my opinion. It prevented me from getting my much-needed rest in the busy period.. I was tired, irritable, emo and suffering from lack of sleep in this period when I was working 7 days a week, thus explaining the spate of emo posts below when i could not sleep from trying to find a position to lie in my bed where i would not be rudely awakened by a coughing fit in the night. I also experienced some really embarrassing moments when i was commuting in between tuition locations and experienced a sudden dry cough fit. Those who have personally experienced it would know. There is this itch at the back of your throat that would trigger a persistent coughing and refused to be comforted. I would literally cough in public to the point of eyes overflowing and people backing away from me as though I have TB. Then there i would be, one hand covering my mouth, tears and mucus running over my face, as my other hand frantically searched my bag for my packet of tissues. It's utterly embarrassing to say the least.

However in this period, I also came to experience the sweetness of some kiddos. Received the two notes below and an sms that really touched me. Shared them on FB and Instagram too.



The last one is a cute msg from my aunt lolz =)

:: My Alter ego ::

Just some fave shots from a shoot with dear KD i managed to squeeze in this period. I love exploring my alter ego and satisfying the vanity in me and was really in love with the odango P did for me this time..



Nowadays I need to remember events from pictures which is why I'm alot more active on Instagram and Facebook. Do follow me at @shuling_17 for Instagram haha.

That's all for now... oh and before i end... haha here's a picture of my biggest buy ever.. Okay i will consider this my treat/reward for this year and the period of work. And i still haven't forgotten my priority of saving for the house in 6 years' time first. Thankful to my mum for forking first and loving-hating the sisters lolz for being the badgering ones who insisted i should be using the real one for all my love for it through inspireds..


Exclusively shown here and not on other social media platforms lolz

After a day of using it.. Im sold. Okay i did have the experience of carrying the inspireds to compare with too.. The handles are unbelievably comfortable sitting in the crook of the arm, much more than the hard ones of the inspireds that will cut into the flesh at times. And the smell of the leather is truly addictive. Take that from C who stuck her whole head into the bag to smell it haha. I am very pleased with my Giselle (christened her).

Hush my girl, dry those eyes.
You were not meant for tears.
You were meant for battle
Suit up that armour
Pick up that spear
Hold up your chin
And forward,straight,point

Stand my girl, don't lie and dream
You were not meant for fairytales.
Close that book
And put on your mask
For your innocence and naïveté
Are written all over your face
Surely you do not want
Them to see and jeer
Or even worse,
To steal all that's so dear

Hold back the tears, my sweet girl
For they betray all your inner feelings
Or worse
Being called weak
They may throw their sticks and stones
But even as you struggle not
To fall
Or
To cry in pain
You must remember
The angels will watch over you
But no one will blow on your wounds
And pains
No one will hug you
In the darkest of the night
So my sweet sweet girl
You must learn to
Hold on


xoxo to myself,
ling

Random thought in the time of the night

I love my job. I really do. i think it showed especially today. it was one of the longest days i had to handle in a while 7am to 8pm.. but at the end of the day, i actually still feel v alert and energetic.. abit running on adrenaline i know.. But i felt truly happy nonetheless.. i was enjoying each and every session with each individual student, sharing knowledge and bantering with them to help them relieve the exam stress too. And was even texting G, K and P how happy i am with my job in between journeys to sessions.

But unfortunately, when the body tires, i also do start to think. Do i have to work so relentlessly? maybe the couz feels come on, it isn't alot. i do get alot more rest than the average worker in sg. But i also do feel, like in this period.. is it all worth it? working and working, in trying to put more away. I try to chase away all these thoughts as I work, cos i really don't honestly find my work, work sometimes. I love what i do.. But sometimes, i do think, when is enough, enough? Even during my last session, the father was saying i should rest (maybe cos he doesn't realise PHs like Labour's Day are my peak=)).. and i happily still laughed it off and said, it's okay. cos it's exam period. and the kids need the sessions.

So ultimately, does it boil down to the feeling of wanting to be needed? Or does it mean being perfectionistic in my work? Or cos i have a standard to uphold for myself? Or just cos i am born plain responsible?

I no longer can tell, as I accomodate each session i can to the best of my abilities, and take on what i can ad hoc.. I only know the bank account needs to grow. And i need to get my house when I hit the age in 6 years' time..


I draw my energy from my own pep talk as i hurry from venue to venue, comfort myself with the sight of the moon when the heart experiences that momentary feeling of longing that i don't allow myself to feel very often, and gain energy from the banter with the kids.

And day comes, and i soldier on.

And how appropriate, the radio was playing "Fucking Perfect" at the moment i was typing this out... lol

Reflections : Always believe in my intuition.. Like always, always and always..

Yet another insightful article by Melanie Tonia Evans, which tied up some of the answers I have been looking for in my reflection this week. Also very thankful for the angels in my life who are always so patient in hearing me out, providing me with the listening ear or objective perspective I needed or just making or getting me sweet treats (that always works!! =))

http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/why-did-we-ignore-the-red-flags-of-the-narcissist/?utm_source=mailchimp&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=WhyDidWeIgnoreTheRedFlags

Blessed for the extra work opportunities this week as well. I love being busy cos there's just so much joy to be derived from hard work done =)

Red..

I think if you tell me on and on you love me, and i don't feel it, it's a very big problem.

On a sidenote, I've been kinda really into (like obsessed) with Taylor Swift's Red recently. I think this particular song of hers appeals to me at this point in time because of the amount of lit i have been doing lately. In a modern song's context, there's a fair bit of metaphors and similes in it. Plus i love the lingering sadness of the song that subtly hints at something without spelling it out loud. That's the beauty of literature to me.

Sharing both the song and lyrics here. (I was rather disappointed that she didn't do an official MV for this song.. I think it would have been rather beautiful to see how she interprets it visually. But i still love it enough to repeat it on end for days =))


"Red"

[Verse 1:]
Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all

[Chorus:]
Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red

[Verse 2:]
Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong

[Chorus:]
Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Oh, red
Burning red

[Bridge:]
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
Burning red
Loving him was red

[Chorus:]
Oh, losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
'Cause loving him was red
Yeah, yeah, red
We're burning red

[Post-Chorus:]
And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head
Comes back to me, burning red
Yeah, yeah

'Cause love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street

Education and new hair loves

Haha.. both are so unrelated I know. It's just gonna be a quick one before i have to nip to bed, as it's going to be a loooong and early day tomorrow.

I was just thinking how I could add value to my teaching that day, because in some ways I feel I have reached a plateau and I don't seem to be able to give more to my students when i want to. Thankful that one of the pros the world wide net has brought us is its plentiful abundance of resources. My search tonight found me a couple of sites that I think I can explore with my kiddos.. whiziq and englishisapieceofcake. Give me a holler if anyone has heard of them and if they are really helpful =) I found a couple of links on englishisapieceofcake that are exceptionally delightful. For the love of reading =)

I will explore abit more and see what/how I can relate the resources to the kiddos. I simply love this busy period, when I'm up to my ears in work and other commitments and it pushes me to go even further. Crosses fingers this will benefit the kiddos!

Ending off this entry with a picture of my new hair (much loves). According to Kr, it is the nicest hairstyle she has seen me in thus far (and i can always trust her to be honest in her opinions with me heh). I should be keeping this for a while as it is really much easier (and cheaper) to maintain than the curls. Plus i really don't possess the kind of luxurious thick hair to be able to keep hair that is too long. Been there done that so now I am satisfied with my new shoulder length bob =)


Hello new hair =)

The longest I have ever achieved. Your can see by how little hair I have actually that I really can't have hair that is too long, started to look really stringy at the ends.. But the curls have been a good experiment and I enjoyed the femininity and womanliness that it afforded me in my dressing styles.

When you imagine i actually once had hair like this before.. I think the above is a really big achievement haha (pic from 2006)

One more camwhore pic.. i lied. Hahaha i ended with more than a pic. On a sidenote, have to learn how to blowdry my hair to achieve this curled in Korean hair effect.

Rocking my new do in my fave romper (on instagram haha @shuling_17)

Summer colorful accessories to match my happy mood on getting the new do!

xoxo, ling

Nostalgia

I revisited tonight.. And found in all the *locked away* corners, compartmentalisations and folders (have always been an organized freak heh) mementoes of the years of growing up, the pain, losses, fears and confusion hidden in tHose words.. How expressive I was then, when we had nothing but diaries and blogs to update, when I could fully utilize words to my advantage, spilling the unbidden emotions just by rearranging the 26 letters of the alphabet in all kinds of permutations, bringing forth the words my lips could not utter.

Ahhhh... The power of the pen.

So they say.. Those wondrous years of growing up, innocence and naively are to be treasured, locked away in secret boxes or folders (like I did) and one fine day, to just stumble on all those pockets of preciousness gone by and reminisce how beautifully confused, dreamily lost you once were.

Most importantly, I am thankful that my heart full of love has still survived all these years. That's the one thing I do not want to lose above all else.

xoxo ling..

Nuffnang

Yay!! Was playing around with my template since I signed up a Nuffnang account. I have to be very honest and said that it was because of a recent reflection of how i felt I am not earning enough.. I am grabbing onto any opportunities possible. I hope in some way or another, my little space can help in that =) A couple friends have been so kind in showing encouragement for my writing as well.. so hopefully this is a platform. I am also thankful for friends like K and C who recommended me other forms of earning money as well =) Thankful for angels in my life *grateful*

Shall end off here. Hope next time I can share some of my mini travel adventures this year, which are waaaaay belated!

On my epiphany towards brands..

This post was "enforced" by K (lol gal, i will be as tactful as i can haha) and inspired by G..

I refer to my post last year..

http://sweetlingeringfantasies.blogspot.sg/2012/05/on-inspired-brands-and-relationships.html

I cannot imagine that post was just written less than a year ago, and here I am, about to slap myself for the change in me not even a year from then.. My double standards heh.

Not a year ago, I was contented with my inspired bags and accessories, and I simply cannot comprehend the concept of plunking down a 3/4-digit sum for a bag. I was pondering upon how my attitude towards inspireds reflected my attitude towards relationships: I had always settled for less. 7 months on, I stand at the turnstile of another era of my life, and as I embrace the new identity this turning point gives me, naturally so does my tastes.

At the doorstep to the 30s, I feel more woman (I don't know if this makes sense), I feel more feminine. I start to appreciate the quiet femininity and elegance of Audrey Hepburn (my forever fashion icon) more; i used to love her for her quirkiness, but now I embrace all the elegant beauty she epitomizes. I embrace my flowing curls, my dresses and the subtle enhancement (not transformation) of makeup and skincare. I embrace the femininity that is within me even more.

I remember this talk i had with KR and P separately. P told me how relaxing it is to be in Aus, how nobody cared when u carried a cloth bag or recyclable bag and walk the streets, but how brand-conscious one naturally becomes when back in sg. KR agrees with this point, but on the other hand, admits to being a brand conscious gal herself. I think for me, it was usually more of a case of, if someone gives me a branded item, i would of course love it to bits, but if i don't have it, oh well, i can always settle for less. And i don't deny, I have owned some really quality pieces that aren't branded. In fact, one of my fave clutches to this day is this black-and-white checked one made by an indie designer passed on to me by one of my cousins' ex-gfs.

I do admit, i am also influenced. I am surrounded by friends who is the "real-or-nothing" deal, but i think i have not been as affected till I walked into a Marc by Marc Jacobs store with G that Sat afternoon, and my dear friend (who is among one of the few remaining friends who usually did not give a care towards brands, but is now looking at certain brands) bought a MMJ laptop sleeve and influenced me into making my first random buy (not that random if you consider 20 mins contemplation over the item long), an iPad sleeve for Cordelia, my new iPad, in a branded store. I had never been that influenced before with my other friends. I always managed to look on with a dispassionate eye. Prior to the MMJ epiphany, I had been oogling at arm bangles at Kate Spade (this was influenced by F, who gifted me my first branded bangle, a multi-coloured Coach bangle which I love to bits) but i managed to walk away resolutely still. Not in MMJ. However i am enjoying my bright pink iPad sleeve with relish which even had a random Starbucks staff asking me about it. I don't know what overcame me but my epiphany towards brands has dawned upon me.

Probably a couple of incidents prior to this have also been the catalysts. I remember packing my bagdrobe as part of the annual CNY packing and packing out bags and then some which have or are falling apart in some areas (peeling of material etc). I remember feeling v disappointed as I had to throw some of them out, or even when i gave the better ones away, i felt neutral. It felt like cutting a piece of my forgotten past. There was no bag that made me want to hold on to abit longer. Somewhat like people and relationships, they come and go.

Piglet and my cousin made this v practical comment, i could have invested all my money in one or two branded bags, with the money i spent on the random bags. I would feel less inclined to buy many bags when i get a really good one. I felt this discarding of bags like how i am dealing with my relationships nowadays. I am cutting all the bad sheep and bits out. I don't feel like i want to tolerate any more rubbish than necessary in my life. I was able to discard pretty emotionlessly..

So with that, i enter my 29th year with this peace in my mind. I am going to make more sensible purchases (after all the insurance and savings-for-house planning of course, and wanderlust trips!!). I am going to put down that $4/$5 bracelet in that stall, I am going to close the window on a random online bag, and invest in quality, timeless pieces that suits my new identity. Just as i will in worthy people.

Clear out, rubbish. Welcome, branded loves. heh

Mine..

Mine-to-be.. winks