Random thought in the time of the night

I love my job. I really do. i think it showed especially today. it was one of the longest days i had to handle in a while 7am to 8pm.. but at the end of the day, i actually still feel v alert and energetic.. abit running on adrenaline i know.. But i felt truly happy nonetheless.. i was enjoying each and every session with each individual student, sharing knowledge and bantering with them to help them relieve the exam stress too. And was even texting G, K and P how happy i am with my job in between journeys to sessions.

But unfortunately, when the body tires, i also do start to think. Do i have to work so relentlessly? maybe the couz feels come on, it isn't alot. i do get alot more rest than the average worker in sg. But i also do feel, like in this period.. is it all worth it? working and working, in trying to put more away. I try to chase away all these thoughts as I work, cos i really don't honestly find my work, work sometimes. I love what i do.. But sometimes, i do think, when is enough, enough? Even during my last session, the father was saying i should rest (maybe cos he doesn't realise PHs like Labour's Day are my peak=)).. and i happily still laughed it off and said, it's okay. cos it's exam period. and the kids need the sessions.

So ultimately, does it boil down to the feeling of wanting to be needed? Or does it mean being perfectionistic in my work? Or cos i have a standard to uphold for myself? Or just cos i am born plain responsible?

I no longer can tell, as I accomodate each session i can to the best of my abilities, and take on what i can ad hoc.. I only know the bank account needs to grow. And i need to get my house when I hit the age in 6 years' time..


I draw my energy from my own pep talk as i hurry from venue to venue, comfort myself with the sight of the moon when the heart experiences that momentary feeling of longing that i don't allow myself to feel very often, and gain energy from the banter with the kids.

And day comes, and i soldier on.

And how appropriate, the radio was playing "Fucking Perfect" at the moment i was typing this out... lol