dun make me feel sadness and anger and confusion and longing and bitterness at the same time.

i hate it.

Okay. It's just me.

Pensive..

Should I Stay
Dreamz FM

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I’m down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

So in luv with Katy Perry's...

You think I'm pretty
Without any makeup on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the punch line wrong
I know you get me
So I let my walls come down
Down

Before you met me I was alright but things
Were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February, you'll be my valentine
Valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I, we'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like I'm living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now, baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I, we'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like I'm living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now, baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight (tonight)

You make me
Feel like I'm living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now, baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

I'mma get your heart racing
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight (tonight)

*********

Luving this song right now.... the kind of teenage dream tt puts me into a jumpin', crazy dancing, heart-skippin' mode and dream about the dream i been waiting all my life =D

Can't believe that at 3.20am, i'm blogging about "quarter-life crisis".. which leads me to "restless life syndrome". Should i slap myself for this inanity?

REALLY.AM.FUCKIG.RESTLESS.AND.DIRECTIONLESS.THOUGH.

Tuitions.hangout.tuitions.hangout.striving to build up the finances again.

i'm missing the something elusive in my life.

The past maketh me...

I was skyping with pris and showing her some old pics of my wild crazy hairstyles back then, and the words of yesteryears washed over me... the pain, hurts, happyness, joy that flowed from me then.

We are all products of our past in some ways aren't we? I am glad I am who I am now.

Dinner with flo tonight had us contemplating about the restless, bored state we are in... a stage that'll come with mid-20s, where we crave for something new, something hyped, to get us rolling again.

The experiences of yesteryears washed over me like wine, bitter and sweet at the same time. And i thank every traveller who has walked or crossed my path, whether you are still on it or not, becos YOU maketh the ME now.

Yall are welcome to visit the ol' me if you wanna. Hey, i think i was more creative and more linguistic back then, esp the 2005 and 2006 entries LOL.

http://that-piece-of-sky.blogspot.com

One particular I would like to share is the one that is in sync with my musing since re-watching The Leap Years on Okto last night and reliving the beautiful love story between Li-Ann and Jeremy (I'm sooo getting the DVD!!), and one of the things that remain unchanged about me, me as a romantic idealist. Enjoy.


Dated 16 Apr 2007
Was revising my Human Development module, reading about the different life-stages of human life, today in the National Library with sha as usual.. and then during lunch, we touched upon the topic of childhood. was initially talking about the kinds of games we used to play... Sha used to play with alot of boy's toys, like action figures, whilst i was a very girlie girl, liking my masak-masak, nursing my dolls and playing jia jia jiu, cooking pretend-food. And then we talked about the kinds of childhood playmates we had, and she shared that it could be her playing with boys that attribute to her like for rougher games and boy's toys when she was younger, but it was different for me.

Few friends, except those close ones, know that when i was very young, i hated school. I skipped the whole of nursery school year cos i cried and kicked up a fuss whenever i was brought to school, to the extent that my poor mum had to forfeit half-a-year nursery fees cos i refused to go. Kindergarten 1 was mandatory.. and yet i kicked up a fuss when i was made to attend school again. I remembered my aunt and cousin physically dragging me to the kindergarten, and i cun stop crying and struggling, and the kindergarten teachers receiving me at the door by pulling me in.

It stopped (from my cousin's account) when i met this little boy, who remained my playmate for the next 1 year or so. He was the son of the fruit-stall-cum-grocery shop owners next to my male cousin's shoe shop in Jurong East then. I used to hang out at the area alot, and i got to know him as my childhood playmate cos my cousin and the shop owners were on very good terms. He was the same age as me. He used to come over to my aunt's place alot to play too.. and i would go over to his place (which was above his parents' shop) to play. He saw that i hated school, and cried whenever i was made to go, and one day, he held out his hand, and said "Come, let me bring you to school".

For some unknown reason (according to my cousin again), ever since then, i would obediently go to school. But only if he was there to hold my hand and bring me. So for the whole of Kindergarten 1, my cousin had to transfer me to his kindergarten, tho there was one nearer my aunt's place then. I would not go to school without him. During assembly, we would sit tger. During playtime, even when the teacher split us into groups of girls and boys, playing with separate toys (the boys playing blocks and trains, the girls with cookery sets), and even with the girls surrounding me trying to make friends (probably encouraged by the teacher due to my "infamous" crying bouts initially) and play tger, and even as i gradually warm to them, my eyes would always be fixed on him, to make sure he's still there, and be comforted by his presence. And after a while, he would sometimes come over to play with me, to calm my unease. After school, we would go home separately, change, eat lunch, and come out to play tger again. When we are at the playground, he would patiently play sandcastles with me, or the swings and slides. When we are at each other's houses, we would introduce each other to the toys we have. And he would patiently play masak-masak with me too, despite being a boy. When we played with my neighbour's daughter, he would join in our girlie games as well. He was an extremely sensitive and fun playmate for his age, and brought me through my fear of school at 4-5 years old. We were innocent happy little 'uns, playing each day, carefree of the troubles of the world.

After Kindergarten 1, after my cousin saw that i had settled properly into school, she transferred me back to the Kindergarten nearer my aunt's place, and i never saw him again. I heard that his family moved away after that, and gradually we lost touch with each other. At the young age of 6 years old, i soon forgot about his existence in the joy of making other young little friends, as kids usually forgot about stuff.

I dint remember him till i ran through some old childhood photos and my cousin told me of what he had done for me, overcoming my fear of school. There were only vague memories of a botak little boy always playing tger with me when i was young, but no more.

I do wonder occasionally where he is now, and if ever one day, our paths cross again, i would want to thank him for bringing me through that part of my childhood and sharing it with me.

In the midst of my own confused feelings, i suddenly realise, this is probably why up to now, as many other friends told me too, that i'm such a romantic idealist when it comes to relationships. Because he once laid that foundation for me when i was just 5 years old.



My childhood friend and i...

Getting bored with the state of things. Cynical. Restless. Down. Angry. Frustrated. Helpless. Hands tied.

Could be the time of the month speaking. Could be that one. single. incident. Could be that the princess in me is disillusioned after her rose-tinted glasses are removed.

Though Little Red Riding Hood is still thankful to the angel who led her away from the jaws of the Big Bad Wolf.
Though Snow White is still thankful for her dwarves who are watching and are concerned for her.
Though Giselle probably needs to fall into a few realities before she meets her Robert.

This week, I am just a v v confused and lonely and restless soul and is counting on the energy of my kids to bring forth the warrior in me. To push on.

Beautifully confused..

I can only trust my guardian angels to bring me through..

There are times when you are young and naive and feel like a young kid, and times of epiphany where you learn sth new about himself.

True, sometimes the truth can be biting, or evoke people to pull up their defenses, but these 2 days, i really appreciate how 2 of my angels put it in perspective for me.

These are the times I would learn sth new abt myself.

1) I can be very fixated on something ( u can find a nice word for it - loyal, devoted ) but truth is, I am fixated, and i can be too stubborn to consider other options at times. Note to self: must learn to open up and consider other viewpoints.

2) I am easily influenced by people's opinions. Until i get a clearer pic / see / know the circumstances better, then only is my stand more affirmative. Now this is v true. I like to say I listen to all sides of story, but truth is, (1) would come into play and I would be influenced tt way.

These 2 realisations make me realise how unfair i have been to 2 such ppl who crossed my path, and suddenly, my negative feelings are gone. I just wanna put them down, and you know how relieving that is? tt burden of putting down the feelings? I only hope these 2 ppl see and feel the jiayou msg i have given them and we can start on a fresh slate of sorts. Even if they have no desire to, I can say, from the bottom of my heart, i sincerely wish them well.

The next time, I will have to remember not to be so fixated and learn to make my stand clearer on things. it's gonna take practice but hey! I am a lucky gal, as piglet points out, i have my angels to guide me.

Signing off,
Princess Ling

P.S. KD babe (one of the abovementioned angels) told me to mention this, She said through my recommendation, she finally found the lippie color she been hunting for yrs.. woohoo small achievement for this amateur on makeup. It's the Vivaglam Lady Gaga lippie. I looooove it to bits the color (thanks fenggy!!) and using it pretty frequently, I was wearing it when i saw p sch crush tt nite (blushes).

Just for laughs: However the silly gal wen to Bobbi Brown to ask for the lippie and got scolded for the boo-boo. muahaahhahaa.

It's been a long time since those emo updates.. But a good sign isn't it? (also attributed to the fact that e time of the month is over and positive ions are happily floating in my body now)

Had a relatively good week. Chatted with KD in her shoppe, Nic for high tea (atas boy tt one), Piglet for dinner n chillout time n a little late night shoppin'. i bought shooooesss.. nv used to be this nutsss over shoes but i was actually examining all the shoe shops there were in iluma. Happy with a pair of sandals (a design i had before but it broke and i wanted to go back to buy lucky they still hv =)) and a pair of bling pumps.. and at discountsss!! i love sales.

And i think i saw my p sch crush todayyy.. *blushes*. I'm not too sure if it is him though, cos i mean, it's been yearssssss..

But if it's him, he does look good. there's just sth about a man in corporate wear. haha.

ahhh,,, the simplicity of childhood...

i shall put it out to the universe as prissy taught me and hope i find my sandcastle prince soon =)

Vanity

Just 1/2 a year ago, I blanched at the thought of putting no more than my basic skincare on my face. I was all about "Good skin is the Key of all". I just need good skin!! Of cos i was still getting comments on how tired I always looked.

6 months on.. from nothing..

To this..



And this..



And this.


I put like 7 stuffs on my face nowadays just for foundation: my basic 3 skincares (Cosme Decorte's Moisture Liposome and Mositurizer, Kose's Sekkisei), Sunblock, followed by Makeup Forever's HD Primer, Paul & Joe's Liquid Foundation, then set it off with Makeup Forever's Microfinish Powder.

Yup, that's a total of the 7 stuffs I put for skincare and foundation alone. And I haven't even gotten to putting in the colours (eyeshadow, blusher, lippie)

Dun faint now haha.

It all started with that fateful photoshoot in Feb:



the one where my sistaz tell me i finally look like their older sis, and how i got admiring glances from passers-by (there was this guy checking me out in Coffee Bean.. blush blush) and how i realise i can look really good with makeup.

Fenggy started making me up every time I go out for dates with my gfs and family.. i like her touch..


Then all the glam events..







Credits to these lovelies:

the gal who intro-ed me to Makeup Forever and got me my "starter kit" : brushes, color palette and Makeup Forever of cos.


the lady who did all my glam events makeup


the gal who did my eyeliner one night and it's the one time tt dint smudge!


my lovely makeup-crazy sisters.. the next time i go makeup shopping with them in Taiwan, i'll be able to appreciate it better than last year =) and it helps in sister-bonding heh.


wads next?

To build on my skills of cos. My Makeup Forever-crazy gal is reprimanding me for not knowing how to draw my eyes properly. oopz..

So welcome the world of makeup to my world.. Behold all these bottles and potions of magic.

oh it has been a fun, and exciting, and crazy, and expensive 2 weeks..

however i am glad for the friends and bonds formed in this journey.. and as i settle down from the high, i look forward to the next stage,,

me-time first however, and of cos, getting the room in order.. =)

Wanted to remember yest in these 2 incidents..

1) An ang moh stranger saw me outside during intermission and act stopped to tell me i have his note of confidence n he feels i will win and i looked fab onstage. V touching though i dint win anything, i felt i have my own "supporter" from the public ya know?

2) Prissy babe was telling my mummy backstage abt my good qualities, haven't been praised like tt and it really brought tear to my eyes..

Needs to give free flow to her tears...

Sigh, it could be the time before the time of the month that my yoyo emotions are outta control.

all the pent-up emotions that I have been trying to contain within me. Telling myself it's okay, finding explanations for all the ingrates, finding explanations for my neglected state, finding explanations to why people forget, don't respond etc, yoyo-ing back to feeling guilty cos there are other people who are more tired than me, who have done so much.. i feel like i could go nuts u know.

Much as i wanna go, oh, don't say so much. So-and-So is too busy. So-And-So is too tired. But ultimately at the end of the day, it seriously doesn't take that much to dial a few numbers, press a few characters, to send a message or call that would just make the person's day.

I have always been conscious in knowing how special days mean to people, and how a message or call can make a difference. But ultimately at the end of the day, i find that not all people feel the same way.

I gotta stop giving so much if i find that i am tired of giving and expecting something back in return. In all honesty, we will expect some people to remember and give back one. And i don't think it's a big thing to expect that someone more special in your life than others to be there.

I am tired. I know i need to stop being so intense and be more frivolous.. But it's so tiring.. esp when u start comparing.. esp when suddenly, sprouts more people that share the special day with u in the same month. shit there i go again.

Just let the tears flow for now and all and all be fine tomorrow, later, whatever.

i need to indulge in something other than people.

It's all about effort isn't it?

Efforts efforts efforts. Thoughts thoughts thoughts. Decisions decisions decisions.

Cannot wait for this month to be over.. Much as I wanna focus on the ones who have been truly thoughtful to me, I cannot help thinking, what an another neglected special day(s).

I need to get away from this all and focus on the positive ions. Like badly.

It's sad la.

I need to convince myself it aint all my fault all the time. But times like this, I really wonder if all the glam is worth the heartbreak.

and i also wonder, am i such a terrible person that some people i tot would remember forget about my bday, the day i have umpteenth times mentioned here that i feel should be tt one special day in everyone's life that the person shd be made to feel special?

But then again, are YOU a real friend if you are unable to stand by me in these times?

I know my core has not changed. I may be older, more jaded, but my core remains.

But as friends leave as the years go by, the doubts will creep back into my mind. esp in these milestones.

I shd just focus on the ones who survived the milestones shun i? (xoxo to flo and grace and zt here)

ying used to say i have damn suay luck in choosing frenz,, i used to vehemently rebut that but as the facts lay out for themselves, it is true.

at the end of the day, i just need a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.

at the end of the day, i should just stop harping on these unworthy people and give thanks for the pillars in my life.

The effect of werewolves and toys

To watch the toys' bond on the big screen and then empathise with Jacob's anguish were such heart-rending experiences. Oh i am glad for the movie marathon today.

"You don't know how much I wish that is enough"

"The Clawww... "

awwww... to be touched to tears then to be wrung by Jacob's words... the emotions are really drained for them tonight.

i need a pair of wolfy-warm arms around me and a chance to love my Sylvanian toys all over again.

i was just tidying my wardrobe when a sudden epiphany occurred to me. There is a reason why the higher powers up there has put me where i am now - i'm talking about in terms of my choice of career. It may be a struggle now, but it is only the beginning.

It's like how i can connect with some people and can't with others. Had I got into the organization in April, I may have been miserable becos i can't connect with the people there, and it would be back to square 1, counting on my love for my children and youths to survive another miserable period.

I STILL get to do what i love now, and I have my peace of mind.

I am a blessed girl.

The beginning of a friendship between 2 like-minded souls is something i have not experienced for a long time. Blessings like this are scant, and i whole-heartedly embrace every single one tt comes into my life.

A late night chat over bottles of coke in Labrador Park, listening to the waves whispering, watching the brightly lit distant islands, and just absorbing the "wealth of water" (in her own words), was therapeutic and soothing in the midst of our busy weeks.

I look forward to more.

a good bowl of chashu ramen @ miharu's and dessert at Laurent B*** @ Robertson Quay with my healing balm starts my week right.

i love u g. for just listening and not passing judgement and pampering me... xoxo

Have come to the age where a handful of such cherished companions just do for me. U see? i'm so easily satisfied =)

was so emotionally strung-up last week, was just grateful for the kind compliments from a beauitful gal, and floooooo's company today. thank heavens we are so ageddd (like red wine, white wine in flo's words) that we are "beyond doubts".

Times like this, i just need those few who und me to surround me and pass me the positive vibes.

it's gonna be another full-on busy week ahead....