Sweet sweet July...

The dawning of July approaching marks the end of CHOICE Groupwork June 2008 and a little breathing space for me to catch up on my reports before my school-based groupwork starts in mid-Aug.. It has been a mad rush during the May-June period.. Bullying campaign then thrice-weekly groupwork with the youths and their parents, which also meant my Friday evenings are eaten up and lesser meet-ups with my darlings.. sobx. But lucky they were compensated with time off for me to go shop during the GSS with my dear sisters..

And i spent a ton this GSS.. sigh... but they were happy buys! Got myself a Miu Miu long wallet and a Burberry tote i been eyeing, at 30% off! i'm so glad i waited out and did not "fight" for the final bag that time when i went out with sistaz and mum. That time, i really wanted the tote alot but it was the last piece and only at 15% off! And being the display piece as well as the last, it was rather dirty due to many hands handling it. So i did not get it then under the advice of my sis, although it was the one i wanted with an extra pouch inside! The one i bought did not have an extra pouch but it was priced much lower and it is still very much similar to the original piece i wanted! So was v happy. I love the feeling of having the capability to get my own stuff, the stuff i wanted. With the extra cash i had saved from the generosity of dad that time and a little of my own, i was able to afford these 2 items from the GSS!! Good buys! claps my own back. Will post pics the next time i tk pics with them!! lurves..

And i am definitely a certified brandwhore. However as I had discovered, there is a definite difference to the quality of a branded bag and a normal bag at Bugis Street. U can call me attas, but now, I won't stop to look at pushcart bags or Far East bags anymore, nor even bags on online sprees. There's really a difference to buying a quality bag that will last through seasons rather than 10 $10 bags that u end up throwing or giving away after a few uses. I'm still rather selective in my choices of quality bags though, there are certain brands that appeal more to me and some which are a definite no-no. I also do like bags from high street labels like Aldo, recently purchased this sleek black structured bag that was super suitable for work (kindly sponsored by 3rd sis for my upcoming bday.. thanks!!). And the definite next 2 bags I am getting are:

Lust:



I wanna get this--Balenciaga The City bag in Blue Liturque or Sky Blue (whh i heard is a very hard-to-get color, not the colors shown in the pics, i just can't find the colors i want).. According to a friend, she said it retails for about $2.4K in Singapore.. This bag has been ripped off many times in numerous fakes.. I'm sooo gonna save for this.. made of distressed leather that will get softer with each use. I love how versatile it is, the funkiness and trendiness and the cowboy look of it that'll nv go out of style and looks perfect esp when u r wearing jeans! whh i do alot due to my school-based work now.

Want:


Instead of the LV Damier Hampstead whh i posted in the previous entry, this is my new Damier lust. I think the Damier design is even more classically beautiful than the Monogrammed. I think the tote design suits my casual-wear lifestyle more as well. However, the Damier Neverfull is currently only available in Japan and Hawaii. However Sis said they may release it in Singapore next year. if so, i'm defly getting the GM size of it! Very beautiful with its deep red luscious inside, the Neverfull can hold up to 105kg. Amazing isn't it? But perfectly good for someone like me who brings a ton of stuff out. Also the Neverfull can be reversed and voila! u get another design. But of cos, i'm not going to flip it over and spoil the beautiful inside. I just sooo adore versatile bags!!


Some pics from my GP June Groupwork with the 3 lovelies (no pics of the youths cos it's against agency's policy to post pics of clients i think):





On one of our recce trips to Sentosa...

It was a wonderful experience working with them.. my first experience with GP (Guidance Program) was a blast.. extremely high-functioning group of youths and a great team.. I had good mentors for my first experience, thanks to them!!

Dint do much meet-ups.. except for flo and sharon!! I think i haven't seen the babe for like.. 1 year? glad to see she's so happie though.. Had a great time just catching up and chilling at Holl V, away from the crowd at Orch..

Watched Incredible Hulk with flo dearie, which was incredibly booooring.. We took turns to fall asleep.. I already fell asleep at the beginning, then woke up.. then flo fell asleep in the middle part, and when i saw her sleep, i continued sleeping as well... think both of us are also rather tired, flo cos she just returned from her HK trip and had to attend course striaght after, and me cos of my groupwork.. hahaha.. waste of tix i know.. but actually it's pretty comfy sleeping in the nice and cold theatre.. DON'T watch the show unless u really adore Edward Norton or Liv Tyler.. I do admire Norton--he's a stellar actor (his performing in American History X from all those years ago still manages to blow my mind upon recollection), but this show doesn't do his acting any justice.

Oooh.. and how can i forget vonnie dear and shem, my SW kakis?? (see, without pics, i find it hard to track what i been doing or who i went out with) The 2 went on a YEP trip with other fellow NUS-ians to Philippines... so meaningful!! Met up with them when they got back. Shem whipped up dinner for us, pasta in olive oil with cherry tomatoes and olives, and his to-die-for tiramisu. It's the 3rd time i had eaten it but it's still a mind-blowing experience on the taste buds each time! Von and i commented he can go marry le. It was a nice chillout dinner in front of the TV with us making fun of the 'dramatic' acting in Dou Niu Yao Bu Yao.

Other than, i been pretty friendless... hahahah... thanks to CHOICE, really not much time to do meet-ups cos i'll just be too incredibly tired at night to do so anyway.. plus my friends either been flying away to some summer destination or been even more tied up at work than me (healing balm, where are uuuu?). And i'll usu reserve one weekend day to catch up on my sleep and the rest of it to care for darling bibi.. poor pup has a skin allergy recently, and he had all his fur shaved off (looks v much like a jack russell-cum-chiwawa now) and cos he's hairless, he'll feel cold v easily and lean agst us for warmth and sleep with us on our beds at night. sigh poor poor thing. I just bought him socks recently to warm his cold feet and a new soft toy ball to cheer him up. Hope my baby recovers soon.

tadaaa... think i shd return to my report le. procrastinated enuff..

Shall end off with this quote by Danny in American History X:

"So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.' "

Our last CHOICE outing, reading of the eulogies on the tombs and my colleague saying something made an impact on me as well as the youths. "Life's too short.. how long can you stay angry with a person for?" And i suddenly thought back to this scene in Huan Zhu Gege that said, "Forgiveness is the most beautiful thing in the world." I ain't gonna want to carry the baggage of hatred on me forever. Wanna be away on my sweetest escape, leaving my life to the fullest.

I'm a certified brandwhore now...

May is a month of birthdays for me.. my mother and lil sis' bdays are within this month, as well as some good friends'. So these 2 weeks, it's been a very-family time for me.. going out with mother and sister and feasting well and buying well...

I have a new fetish lately, and it comes in the form of this..

The LV Damier Hampstead.

Tada!!! It's way beyond what i can afford.. but absolutely fell in love with it.. Just look at the classic sophisticated design and the gorgeous deep red lining! Ahhhhz... It's due to the women in my family i swear. Brandwhoring is addictive.. Last sat, we went to to DFS Galleria to get my lil sis her bday gift. Originally, it was just to buy her gift, then it escalated into bag-buying for 2nd sis and mummy dear. My... But i must say 2nd sis' choice was a good one. I saw it before and really liked it. But well, she got ahead of me and got it first! It's the one above, but in medium size. i prefer the large size, and fell in love with it on first sight, so maybe i'll save up for it. it's really gorgeous that bag. And mummy dear indulged in a Prada bag. We co-shared it for her as well as papa. But mummy dear deserves it la. she worked so hard for so many years, must get a nice bag.=) we are glad to buy it for her.

So yeah, these women really get me going. I really used to *faintz* at the idea of paying sooo much for a bag. But i guess u really pay for quality, and the design. And with the women in my family (started by 2nd sis) so into it now, i can't help being drawn into the whirlpool too! Yesterday saw a Burberry bag i quite fancied (and i seldom enter these brand boutiques unless my friends or family want to see something) and nearly wanted to get it cos it was on sale. But only the display piece was left plus i do mind that it is made in China. So did not get anything in the end. Ying says the first branded bag i buy is v impt, must be something that i really like. So yahz, save up for the LV Hampstead. Really fell for it at first sight, that one.

Actually i remember the very first sorta branded bag i like--my Kate Spade Maira Kalman bag. I really liked it so much when i first saw it and it was a limited edition bag and was sold out everywhere. I nearly even considered shipping it from the US cos i loved it so much and had been eyeing it and ebaying it for more than a year. In the end, i was v v lucky that there was a local ebayer who sold it at a lower price cos it was a gift from her friend, and it was brand new with all the tags still intact. Was so so happy that time. And my sisters co-shared it for me that time cos it was my 21st year. So yeah, for a branded bag, i really believed in the logic that i must buy something that i really really fall for.

Anw pics from my relaxing weekends..

Outside Fortun(ate) Restaurant at International Building...


Posing outside the house.. so zhi(4) lian(4) rite...

@ Carousel at DFS Galleria. My family's a big fan of buffets and this was a lovely one. In celebration of Feng's bday...





Love the neat arrangement of eating utensils that minimises clutter..


Lovely desserts in little glasses...

Our mess...

Colourful candies in big cookie jars atop the dessert section...

a chef posed when he saw me taking pics.. hahaha.. so cute la.

sweetest escape

It's one of those crazy times when i just wanna shout out to the world, smile at people, skip on the garden path, gaze upon the endless stars and hum The Sweet Escape with a Frappuccino in hand.

I just have this kind of silly moments when i feel i am on top of the world and in my own world, and nothing can bring me down.

I had a great CHOICE session today and it just blew away the disappointment of Tuesday.. maybe tts one of the contributing factors to my silly moment tonight.

I need more moments like this to keep me going..

(Randomness) Oooh.. for the love of pretty, unnecessary accessories, marilyn monroe-like dresses, flamboyant eye makeup and luscious hair.. I'm in the vainpot mood, wanting to buy many many accessories. Am having this fetish now for lasting, quality accessories. Wanting to buy cos i love me. There's no one greater than me now at this moment. So indulge myself.

"If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, Now wouldn't that be sweet?"

Walking down memory lane is a bad thing.

Didn't Xiaorou suffer for that in the 9pm drama?

Ouch. But the memories just clings to u. Draws u in. Let me indulge once more under the cover of lonely night and no more.

Memories. Beautifully poisonous. Wrapping its seductive arms around you, and strangling the life out of you in the process.

Let me hold them in my palms just once more. Lest i lose all of them one day. Then cry the endless tears. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

Only tonight do i realise why love can be the greatest, most beautiful thing in the world, it also has the greatest capacity of destruction, holds the most poisonous venom in the world, is the greatest yet the most selfish thing in the world.

Love. Hate. So hard to differentiate sometimes.

C.H.O.I.C.E.S

May-June is a period of choices.. As the school holidays set in, CHOICE groupwork for GP Programme is starting for me. I'm kinda looking forward to it, not just that it is my first time doing youth groupwork, but also we are planning an outing to Sentosa with the youths.. YIPPS!! Looking forward..

Besides work, I have been hooked recently on this Mediacorp drama that talks about choices. Tonight's episode is particularly on this topic of choices. If life isn't made of choices, maybe this would not have happened. However, we all have to make choices in life. The effect/consequence of the choice you made is just something you have to bear. If you made a choice and someone suffers for it, it is still something you have to bear on yourself. Being a social worker makes me realise the importance of choices i have to make, the responsibilities placed in my hands. How i write a report and which job i choose to do first affects my clients, directly or indirectly. That being said, I firmly believe that when the choice you make results in your own happiness/comfort, but results in someone's misery/suffering, sooner or later, you have to pay for it. This form of happiness is never long-lasting. So, "bie(2) ba(3) kuai(4) le(4) jian(4) li(4) zai(4) bie(3) ren(3) de(4) tong(4) ku(3) shang(4)".

I teared alot during tonight's episode, cos it cuts so close to home. Seeing Zhiling's silent misery culminating in her death jolts the feelings i thought i had long laid to rest. Or maybe i just like to cry at sappy sentimental shows.

I'll never forget.





So please, give me selective amnesia.

******
Talking about teary shows reminds me of the super tearjerker movie i watched on SCV over the weekend with my family. My sister said we should just buy the show so we'll lose weight from all the crying. Blearghz. No way. Even thinking about some of the scenes in the show now still has my heart wrenching. Anyway the show is a Korean movie called "Hearty Paws (Zai(4) Jian(4) Xiao(3) Xue(3)", a show on this couple of abandoned children and their dog. I tell you, i totally believe now in the Koreans' ability of producing super tearjerkers. I'm not a big fan of Korean shows normally, but this show really gets those tear glands working. They combined the story of a pair of abandoned children with their dog who was loyal to them through death and till its death. Okay i think i better dun say le, i can feel the tears coming again. I was just sobbing uncontrollably into my towel throughout the show (yupz, my family predicted i was just going to waste alot of tissues so i might as well use a towel: good foresight). Yall really MUST watch it. Anw the reason why i was crying too was cos now we have a dog, and my overactive imagination was just imagining our dog to be the one in the show, but the silly dog did not understand my "ku(3) xin(3)" at all and just gave me a strange look when i wailed halfway through the show. dumb dog really.

But i still love him. and my darlin' darlin' family. Mummy's birthday is always v v near Mother's Day, so we usually have a double celebration. This year, cos of the extra cash, we were able to go to 2 v v nice places to eat!! Plus buy Bibi new stuff like a much-needed leash (he is like a wild dog when we take him for walks now, so a leash is necessary), his fave dog food and some other stuff. However we dint take any pics of the fantabulous food at Soup Restaurant @ Causeway Point and No Signboard Seafood Restaurant @ ECP because all of us were just too greedy for the food (plus also becos with my family, i dun dress up if we aren't going to town, so i think i'll look too ugly with my unkempt self so i never take hahahha). Anyway suffice to say I had a gastronomical weekend filled with good food. Wondrous double-boiled soup, ginger paste chicken, and OHMIGOD, i nv see such huge Sri Lankan crabs before. SLURPS!! It's nice to have that extra bit of money and enjoy with family. grinz.

Bibi's the most handsome in the family no matter what he wears so it's okay to take pics of him. haha.

Dunno why the pics taken with my digicam are so blurry. Could be cos Bibi moved too much. Or could be time for a new cam. heeez. Any sweetie wanna buy a new one for me? *innocent sweet smile*




He's looking super happy with his new bowl

...and doggy treats!!

Display courtesy of mummy of his new stuff that we splurged on him!

the darlin' is getting sleepy. Love this pic cos he looks super like a soft toy here.

What i have been busy in May with... Anti-Bullying Campaign at one of my p schs.
Volunteers and colleague. i taking the pic.

Debi was a sweetie to come down to help me during her exam period. superbly touched. kisses.

*The next series of pics were taken with KF's cam. That's why it's clearer and sharper. hur hur*
My first Staff-Recreation Day! The 3-centre strong staff.. small and cosy eh? The orange tee with deep blue stripes really made all the girls look like beer girls! haha. I won a $5 Popular voucher courtesy of group game.

"Waaahing" at my huge bowl at ramen at Waraku Restaurant @ Marina Square. The staff were all treated to a meal there and we had our own private room! But the food not v nice i feel. The ramen was way too salty for my liking. Company was great though!

Big Bowl, Small Bowl.

My centre staff all together...

My Time. My Words. My Own.

"我又不能帶你飛上天堂 何必說感謝 我也只能改變我的信仰
我又不能影響我的磁場 不必要感謝 我也只能試煉我的堅強
我又不能回報你的善良 何必說感謝 我也只能成全你的夢想
誰又真能答應地久天長 承諾太美難免狡猾 誰說過
保持清醒等待迷惑 誰說過？ 能夠灑脫因為忘我 誰說過
是誰說這些 寧願愛錯不要錯過 誰說過 因為自由所以寂寞
誰說過 只有如果沒有結果 誰說過 是誰說這些"

random lyrics from an old Daniel Chan song

********

What can I say? When the days are just filled with work, home, hanging out with family and friends, there isn't much physical activities I can update on right? But the routine days leave me with enough time to reflect upon my life. I'm absolutely grateful that my workplace places so much emphasis on quality work that we are not tied down with the boggling overwork that seems to claim the fate of many in the same field, and even those outside of my field. So grateful that this allows me the luxury of putting my work behind me when the day is over, and just relax over mindless TV shows over dinner and maybe sit down to a book and a mug of hot tea or tidy and re-arrange my stuff in my cosy room, or just allowing me the time to mull over... stuff.

My life has much dwindled to hanging out with those selected few... whilst those having their exams disappear for that short span of time. Argued with my cousin that night over having only these selected few in my life. Why do I only go out one-on-one each time with a friend? Why not other friends together? Why not a whole group? My reply was i'm contented with these few. Having too many doesn't equate to many more true friendships i can count on thank you very much. She felt i was too close-minded and that I was being childish and I am just closing opportunities and being a froggy in the well for my thinking. Well. *shrugs* To each his/her own. My experiences have just been made up of too many of such friendships that got too close and then take away a piece of your heart and thereafter leave you in the cold without so much a backward glance. So i would much rather just focus on those who count. Out with quantity. The old is still gold.

I discovered that as time goes by, as stuff happens, i grew more comfortable in expressing my own opinions and less bothered with hurting another's feelings(though it's a job requirement as some of yall might know). One good thing that came out of me being in the job is my increasing level of self-awareness. It enforces my "no one is going to look out for you ultimately, you gotta count on yourself" theory.

That brings me to the next topic much explored this month for some reason--maybe it's a connecting topic for girls. Many a colleague and the boss herself asked if I ever thought to settle down in future. *Ponders*. Also asked healing balm and floflo about it. At this point, the answer is no. Thought back to those days when i'll be super affected during those CNY gatherings and be asked if i got a significant other already, will stupidly feel unwanted and desperate. But with the increasing amount of self-awareness, support from my own significant others (you know who you are=)) and the increasing confidence in self due to all these support, the negative feelings faded with time. The answer is no now because i feel i still have much about myself to discover, a long journey of these discoveries to make, the steps towards success i hope to achieve in my own little working field. I cannot deny all these are also coupled with the fact that i'm disillusioned with those who have chosen to give up friendship over love. I have friends who can still make the balance between love and friendship very well, so i don't think there's any excuse for those who can't. Frigging weak excuse i say, and an inexplicable end to the seemingly-close-but-heartbreakingly-fragile friendships we used to have. While i understand that there's a change in life-stage and a change in single staus to "in-a-relationship", i cannot understand that the friendship has to take such a big backseat that you might as well have been strangers in the first place.

Oh yeah, i have become unforgivable in that way. But *shrugs*. I STILL have those who count. That's my priceless treasure.

Then despite the answer being no, i won't reject going out and meeting new people. Rather stewpid of me to close my heart just cos of some frigging not-worth-it people dunch ya think?

That's my new level of self-awareness. I only hope my priceless treasures still love me for who i am, which i have no doubt they do=) hahahaha

Time is a miraculous healer. I love how as time goes by, my body and mind starts to self-heal on its own accord. Well that's also coupled with those priceless treasures' support and the fact that i know i am strong enough.

Whether it is bathing the silly dog, discussing the latest plot on TVB with sis dearest, sa-jiao-ing to mummy dear, watching cousin carefully packing the day's breakfast/lunch into separate containers, sitting at the Gloria Jeans @ Raffles City, or in the almost unnoticeable Cafe Revive in Centrepoint, with a soothing cup of tea, an ice-cream, comforting honey roasted ham chips, or aimless window-shopping, each is a true blessing i am still grateful for in my mundane life.

And with these new little discoveries, I leaped into May with a lighter heart and (a little) heavier pocket (yippees for the Labour Day surprise that made my family a happy one tonight!!)

grateful...

With the increase in prices, the overflowing people fighting for a space with you in the morning train, the waking up every morning and wondering what the hell are you in for, it is getting increasingly difficult to remember just what you should be grateful for..

There are moments when i feel this way too.. but more and more, i'm starting to believe in the works of the greater powers up there.. the works of life. Be it karma, be it fate or destiny, i'm starting to believe there's a cause for everything.

Being in social work now, i'm grateful for the break i took 3 years back where i slowed myself down to think about what i want.

Talking to some batch mates that SW dinner night, i am grateful XXXX rejected me and let me succeed in my 2nd interview with my current job.

Remembering the hurts from the past few years, i am grateful for the friends who had pulled through with me, letting me realise who are the true friends and who are not, letting me learn the superficalities and fakeness of people while also letting me learn the sincerity and genuine-ness of others.

I am definitely more than grateful for the people who have been my pillar all these years--family.

And with all these in mind, I welcome and embrace the opportunity to meet more who'll impact my life while keeping close to heart these oldies, goldies, always and always.=)

So pictures to commemorate the beauty of Spring..



Cosy lil work corner...

One of my work scenes...

My sweet...


My pillars..

Witches in black: evening games at Pitstop post-SW Day Tea..


prettily wrapped treats from Japan, thankies to oldie good friend, xy!!


KTV Outing with SW clique.. especially heartening in the light of dissipated friendships. Even if i lose touch with them one day, i'll remember they were there once upon a time and brought many smiles to my life=)


my constants...

Giselle in the Park, Picnic under the Stars.. Beautiful...

Social Work Day dinner, mini-gathering of the batch-mates who grad tger, minus one-the guy haha.

March-April 2008 was also a period i caught up with some special friends i haven't met up in ages, my jc clique fren, Ruthie, oldie good friend, Xianyu, who just went Japan and saw sakura blossoms..super envy!! (muz muz save up for Japan!!) and Debi.. lovely catching up with these people whom i haven't seen in months but lovingly remembered and vice versa. Thanks sweeties..

And i look forward to what Summer will bring..('-*)v

I need people. But not this way.

Social Work's Day dinner

Oh yes it was great. Overwhelmingly so. and i meant that literally.

It was a sorta hit-you-in-the-face kind of shock to see soooo many of your kind packed into the same ballroom--60 tables no less. Compared to the Social Work's Day last year, this was like a blast.

I was really excited initially to see so many of my still-studying fellow social workie s there. It's seriously a great time to catch up.. to scream "Hieeeee" to those who seem to have been lost in the mountains of work social work is known for, and to those who are in the still-studying-going-to-grad phase. I was like really whooping every few minutes.. and sooo tempted to join a fellow social workie when she asked me to sit at her table.. but then.. i oso dunno why i dint.

But as the night dragged on with its less-than-impressive dishes (actually who is really there for the food anyway?), performances that were ignored as people continued to be engrossed in catching up, and the throes of people milling around, i started to get rather bewildered and really Overwhelmed. Haha. Think this is attributed to me not mingling with people for like eons.. i mean like alot alot of people.. I am not really a crowds-person.. and it comes to a point when i just feel lost. Minute-ish and then struggling to fit in.

Which is rather stupid of me i feel. Cos i forgot, i should just be myself right? The lost expression on me was not lost on others (oh come on, these people are social workers and read people like books)--why do u look so sad? who are you looking for?

Truth is, i was not looking for anyone in particular.. All these people amounted to no more than hi-byes to me... people that i know when the night ends, will return to their normal lifestyles as if the night never happens. They are a village. People we can turn to from time to time. People that have enabled me to feel warmth and a sense of belonging to in my social work study days. But yest, i felt no sense of belonging--maybe cos of the position i am--a new worker not yet familiarised totally with the company, an ex-student with many ties still left in school. neither here nor there. and i admit, i need a sense of belonging.

It was a sense of loss i felt as the night droned on--sitting at a table where i dunno 3/4 of the people.. looking on at the other side of the room where the social workies indulged in their crazy antics that only students are entitled to.

I guess, crowds really dun work for me. Missed my usual hang-out kakis where i can be myself and not dish out the necessary appropriate niceties. I need people, but not this way i guess. Even at this dinner, i just wish i had attended it with people who had made it through with me, people who i know and love well. Ah well, there's always a time for everything, so i guess i just need to learn to pull out all that i learn of social skills when the need arises.

Of course, for many, i'm sure it's a heartening occasion and will be remembered lingeringly and lovingly. It was for me, till it got too overwhelming and i just wanna run to somewhere where it's people-less (like kelong?) AH, that suits me better.

Absence from blog so long only to write another emo entry. Haiz. But then, as it's your freedom to read, so's my freedom to write. Ah well, really do wanna post pics. but den hor, today i'm lazy to wait for blogger's super slow uploading. So another time k?