There are times when you are young and naive and feel like a young kid, and times of epiphany where you learn sth new about himself.

True, sometimes the truth can be biting, or evoke people to pull up their defenses, but these 2 days, i really appreciate how 2 of my angels put it in perspective for me.

These are the times I would learn sth new abt myself.

1) I can be very fixated on something ( u can find a nice word for it - loyal, devoted ) but truth is, I am fixated, and i can be too stubborn to consider other options at times. Note to self: must learn to open up and consider other viewpoints.

2) I am easily influenced by people's opinions. Until i get a clearer pic / see / know the circumstances better, then only is my stand more affirmative. Now this is v true. I like to say I listen to all sides of story, but truth is, (1) would come into play and I would be influenced tt way.

These 2 realisations make me realise how unfair i have been to 2 such ppl who crossed my path, and suddenly, my negative feelings are gone. I just wanna put them down, and you know how relieving that is? tt burden of putting down the feelings? I only hope these 2 ppl see and feel the jiayou msg i have given them and we can start on a fresh slate of sorts. Even if they have no desire to, I can say, from the bottom of my heart, i sincerely wish them well.

The next time, I will have to remember not to be so fixated and learn to make my stand clearer on things. it's gonna take practice but hey! I am a lucky gal, as piglet points out, i have my angels to guide me.

Signing off,
Princess Ling

P.S. KD babe (one of the abovementioned angels) told me to mention this, She said through my recommendation, she finally found the lippie color she been hunting for yrs.. woohoo small achievement for this amateur on makeup. It's the Vivaglam Lady Gaga lippie. I looooove it to bits the color (thanks fenggy!!) and using it pretty frequently, I was wearing it when i saw p sch crush tt nite (blushes).

Just for laughs: However the silly gal wen to Bobbi Brown to ask for the lippie and got scolded for the boo-boo. muahaahhahaa.

It's been a long time since those emo updates.. But a good sign isn't it? (also attributed to the fact that e time of the month is over and positive ions are happily floating in my body now)

Had a relatively good week. Chatted with KD in her shoppe, Nic for high tea (atas boy tt one), Piglet for dinner n chillout time n a little late night shoppin'. i bought shooooesss.. nv used to be this nutsss over shoes but i was actually examining all the shoe shops there were in iluma. Happy with a pair of sandals (a design i had before but it broke and i wanted to go back to buy lucky they still hv =)) and a pair of bling pumps.. and at discountsss!! i love sales.

And i think i saw my p sch crush todayyy.. *blushes*. I'm not too sure if it is him though, cos i mean, it's been yearssssss..

But if it's him, he does look good. there's just sth about a man in corporate wear. haha.

ahhh,,, the simplicity of childhood...

i shall put it out to the universe as prissy taught me and hope i find my sandcastle prince soon =)

Vanity

Just 1/2 a year ago, I blanched at the thought of putting no more than my basic skincare on my face. I was all about "Good skin is the Key of all". I just need good skin!! Of cos i was still getting comments on how tired I always looked.

6 months on.. from nothing..

To this..



And this..



And this.


I put like 7 stuffs on my face nowadays just for foundation: my basic 3 skincares (Cosme Decorte's Moisture Liposome and Mositurizer, Kose's Sekkisei), Sunblock, followed by Makeup Forever's HD Primer, Paul & Joe's Liquid Foundation, then set it off with Makeup Forever's Microfinish Powder.

Yup, that's a total of the 7 stuffs I put for skincare and foundation alone. And I haven't even gotten to putting in the colours (eyeshadow, blusher, lippie)

Dun faint now haha.

It all started with that fateful photoshoot in Feb:



the one where my sistaz tell me i finally look like their older sis, and how i got admiring glances from passers-by (there was this guy checking me out in Coffee Bean.. blush blush) and how i realise i can look really good with makeup.

Fenggy started making me up every time I go out for dates with my gfs and family.. i like her touch..


Then all the glam events..







Credits to these lovelies:

the gal who intro-ed me to Makeup Forever and got me my "starter kit" : brushes, color palette and Makeup Forever of cos.


the lady who did all my glam events makeup


the gal who did my eyeliner one night and it's the one time tt dint smudge!


my lovely makeup-crazy sisters.. the next time i go makeup shopping with them in Taiwan, i'll be able to appreciate it better than last year =) and it helps in sister-bonding heh.


wads next?

To build on my skills of cos. My Makeup Forever-crazy gal is reprimanding me for not knowing how to draw my eyes properly. oopz..

So welcome the world of makeup to my world.. Behold all these bottles and potions of magic.

oh it has been a fun, and exciting, and crazy, and expensive 2 weeks..

however i am glad for the friends and bonds formed in this journey.. and as i settle down from the high, i look forward to the next stage,,

me-time first however, and of cos, getting the room in order.. =)

Wanted to remember yest in these 2 incidents..

1) An ang moh stranger saw me outside during intermission and act stopped to tell me i have his note of confidence n he feels i will win and i looked fab onstage. V touching though i dint win anything, i felt i have my own "supporter" from the public ya know?

2) Prissy babe was telling my mummy backstage abt my good qualities, haven't been praised like tt and it really brought tear to my eyes..

Needs to give free flow to her tears...

Sigh, it could be the time before the time of the month that my yoyo emotions are outta control.

all the pent-up emotions that I have been trying to contain within me. Telling myself it's okay, finding explanations for all the ingrates, finding explanations for my neglected state, finding explanations to why people forget, don't respond etc, yoyo-ing back to feeling guilty cos there are other people who are more tired than me, who have done so much.. i feel like i could go nuts u know.

Much as i wanna go, oh, don't say so much. So-and-So is too busy. So-And-So is too tired. But ultimately at the end of the day, it seriously doesn't take that much to dial a few numbers, press a few characters, to send a message or call that would just make the person's day.

I have always been conscious in knowing how special days mean to people, and how a message or call can make a difference. But ultimately at the end of the day, i find that not all people feel the same way.

I gotta stop giving so much if i find that i am tired of giving and expecting something back in return. In all honesty, we will expect some people to remember and give back one. And i don't think it's a big thing to expect that someone more special in your life than others to be there.

I am tired. I know i need to stop being so intense and be more frivolous.. But it's so tiring.. esp when u start comparing.. esp when suddenly, sprouts more people that share the special day with u in the same month. shit there i go again.

Just let the tears flow for now and all and all be fine tomorrow, later, whatever.

i need to indulge in something other than people.

It's all about effort isn't it?

Efforts efforts efforts. Thoughts thoughts thoughts. Decisions decisions decisions.

Cannot wait for this month to be over.. Much as I wanna focus on the ones who have been truly thoughtful to me, I cannot help thinking, what an another neglected special day(s).

I need to get away from this all and focus on the positive ions. Like badly.

It's sad la.

I need to convince myself it aint all my fault all the time. But times like this, I really wonder if all the glam is worth the heartbreak.

and i also wonder, am i such a terrible person that some people i tot would remember forget about my bday, the day i have umpteenth times mentioned here that i feel should be tt one special day in everyone's life that the person shd be made to feel special?

But then again, are YOU a real friend if you are unable to stand by me in these times?

I know my core has not changed. I may be older, more jaded, but my core remains.

But as friends leave as the years go by, the doubts will creep back into my mind. esp in these milestones.

I shd just focus on the ones who survived the milestones shun i? (xoxo to flo and grace and zt here)

ying used to say i have damn suay luck in choosing frenz,, i used to vehemently rebut that but as the facts lay out for themselves, it is true.

at the end of the day, i just need a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.

at the end of the day, i should just stop harping on these unworthy people and give thanks for the pillars in my life.

The effect of werewolves and toys

To watch the toys' bond on the big screen and then empathise with Jacob's anguish were such heart-rending experiences. Oh i am glad for the movie marathon today.

"You don't know how much I wish that is enough"

"The Clawww... "

awwww... to be touched to tears then to be wrung by Jacob's words... the emotions are really drained for them tonight.

i need a pair of wolfy-warm arms around me and a chance to love my Sylvanian toys all over again.

i was just tidying my wardrobe when a sudden epiphany occurred to me. There is a reason why the higher powers up there has put me where i am now - i'm talking about in terms of my choice of career. It may be a struggle now, but it is only the beginning.

It's like how i can connect with some people and can't with others. Had I got into the organization in April, I may have been miserable becos i can't connect with the people there, and it would be back to square 1, counting on my love for my children and youths to survive another miserable period.

I STILL get to do what i love now, and I have my peace of mind.

I am a blessed girl.

The beginning of a friendship between 2 like-minded souls is something i have not experienced for a long time. Blessings like this are scant, and i whole-heartedly embrace every single one tt comes into my life.

A late night chat over bottles of coke in Labrador Park, listening to the waves whispering, watching the brightly lit distant islands, and just absorbing the "wealth of water" (in her own words), was therapeutic and soothing in the midst of our busy weeks.

I look forward to more.

a good bowl of chashu ramen @ miharu's and dessert at Laurent B*** @ Robertson Quay with my healing balm starts my week right.

i love u g. for just listening and not passing judgement and pampering me... xoxo

Have come to the age where a handful of such cherished companions just do for me. U see? i'm so easily satisfied =)

was so emotionally strung-up last week, was just grateful for the kind compliments from a beauitful gal, and floooooo's company today. thank heavens we are so ageddd (like red wine, white wine in flo's words) that we are "beyond doubts".

Times like this, i just need those few who und me to surround me and pass me the positive vibes.

it's gonna be another full-on busy week ahead....

Happy Birthday to me?

Just wanna have a simple fun day out today with family since it is the first time in 3 years i don't have to work on my birthday.

Dun think it's alot to ask for, but the sucky weather, complaints, black unhappy faces and plain thoughtlessness just finally proved too much for me, even if i was willing to smile and coddle just to keep the peace.

Can't I just be given a day off to call it my special day, my own?

I definitely need my me-time soon.

i think i am still too young to be totally immune to others' comments and criticism.

When I know i am totally immune, that'll be the day i stop blogging / facebook-status-ing.

Nirvana then.

When you are the bottom trying your best to start from scratch again, and people are watching from the top casting stones down on you and adopting the wait-and-see approach, you know you just got to hold on tighter, grit the teeth and keep on climbing.

You just got to depend on your own resolve.

But it hurts the most when one of the casters is your own family member.

A day where i do not feel like headin out,,, could be the emo-ness of the time of the month..

just wanna nua n pack the room.. the new tenant moving in next week n all my toys aren't out yet..

however money is key now... so mind gotta win over heart today...

Coming back to reality

Certainly, being in the limelight for once is exhilarating, esp when it's a first-time experience.

It's lovely to hear mummy and sis proud.. and to enjoy the glam pics.. exciting to tag the neverending flow of pics in FB.. to the extent I just wasted a day away.

Time to check the emotions and come back to reality. I cannot forget what grounds me and let a mere 15 secs of fame wash me away.

It's so easy to get lost in "fame" (if u can call being featured in a New Paper article a type of fame, but seriously it's sth to smile over when u have always been pushed in the background), as all those cliche sayings go.

I enjoyed the glam. I'm happy i got to experience it first-hand.
But i feel more at ease in my big t shirt and torn shorts, spectacles and makeup-less face today, eating cai fan and drinking milo kosong with my cousin. =)

I love being Estrella Tan. I love being Shu Ling more of cos.

Life is so colourful =)

Times like this.. I know I been missing out on my me-time.

I hope I won't get the feeling that I am being used / taken advantage of, just cos I lapsed and go soft sometimes.

Hard-heartedness is needed at times for my own sanity of mind. Not peace. Just plain balance.

** Just read abt tt org's blog and found out they hired the other faci. Should I feel inadequate?

No, cos I am approaching 26 and I seriously don't have the time to dwell over unnecessary negativities that'll just dwindle my self-esteem and erase the validation i get from what i love to do.

It's their loss. They decided not to spend time to train a gal who may be weak in training workshops but has a big heart in working with children and youths nonetheless to want to overcome her hurdles. That's the big problem with alot of sw orgs in singapore. They aren't willing to spend time to train, or rather, cos of the status quo state, they cannot spare the people to train.

Still I can do it my way. I can STILL work with children and youths, as djj said, make use of your skill, what u have, to help people and have a better standard of living for yourself too.

I have my own little piece of sky now, and I will make it as blue and sunny as I can =)

another phase..

So the next phase in my journey has taken off..

I won't know the results till about 3 months later, but right now, it's going pretty well. I love my kids really. I have missed interacting with them.

And the money's looking good. I just need to be a little extra bit hardworking, but I am taking it slow and easy for now, cos I like it that way.

And next week's finally the IT fair. New MAC coming. Finally, a haven to store my thoughts and pics and memories and songs.

Cannot wait.

Ending off with 2 current fave pics from my 2 fave sites:






Colourful, stylish pics make my day=)