Tired..

I think I have to be okay with being me.

I don't have to feel guilty for my neuroticism ( note: different from neurosis ).

I have to know me being me is not defined by a single event.

They may find me short-tempered or jump to conclusions about someone they do not know even after all these years, or pass a judgement on someone they do not bother to know, but i got to go by M's nugget of wisdom : They are going to form conclusions anyway. Let them. M is my best woman in this world =) Love u M even if u don't read this.

Keep calm and cool. I miss my yoga. I wonder how is my prev yoga teacher doing now. Hope all is well with her..

Latest happenings..

The brief respite of *calm after the storm* has set in.. Post exams now, i can finally get a breather, and some air into my coughing lungs (haven't fully recovered.. am at the stage of losing my voice now). But wait, upcoming in less than 2 weeks is dear C's wedding.. I have already met the bridal party gals 2 days in a row with another breakfast meeting this Friday, a PH.

Thought i will update with some cheery pics after the rather droll, emo post below. I was just telling Kr that I write alot better when I am emo. My writing has been described as melancholic lol.

:: Featured for my work =) ::

It's actually a very small feature with one of my tuition agencies but nonetheless an achievement for these few years =) My heart did a little dance of joy when my agent messaged "May I have the pleasure of featuring you in our website?" Thank you!!



:: You made my day ::

Some sweet notes from the kiddos.. I had one of the worst coughs I've experienced, and this time round, it convinced me that cough is the hardest illness to recover, topping stomach problems in my opinion. It prevented me from getting my much-needed rest in the busy period.. I was tired, irritable, emo and suffering from lack of sleep in this period when I was working 7 days a week, thus explaining the spate of emo posts below when i could not sleep from trying to find a position to lie in my bed where i would not be rudely awakened by a coughing fit in the night. I also experienced some really embarrassing moments when i was commuting in between tuition locations and experienced a sudden dry cough fit. Those who have personally experienced it would know. There is this itch at the back of your throat that would trigger a persistent coughing and refused to be comforted. I would literally cough in public to the point of eyes overflowing and people backing away from me as though I have TB. Then there i would be, one hand covering my mouth, tears and mucus running over my face, as my other hand frantically searched my bag for my packet of tissues. It's utterly embarrassing to say the least.

However in this period, I also came to experience the sweetness of some kiddos. Received the two notes below and an sms that really touched me. Shared them on FB and Instagram too.



The last one is a cute msg from my aunt lolz =)

:: My Alter ego ::

Just some fave shots from a shoot with dear KD i managed to squeeze in this period. I love exploring my alter ego and satisfying the vanity in me and was really in love with the odango P did for me this time..



Nowadays I need to remember events from pictures which is why I'm alot more active on Instagram and Facebook. Do follow me at @shuling_17 for Instagram haha.

That's all for now... oh and before i end... haha here's a picture of my biggest buy ever.. Okay i will consider this my treat/reward for this year and the period of work. And i still haven't forgotten my priority of saving for the house in 6 years' time first. Thankful to my mum for forking first and loving-hating the sisters lolz for being the badgering ones who insisted i should be using the real one for all my love for it through inspireds..


Exclusively shown here and not on other social media platforms lolz

After a day of using it.. Im sold. Okay i did have the experience of carrying the inspireds to compare with too.. The handles are unbelievably comfortable sitting in the crook of the arm, much more than the hard ones of the inspireds that will cut into the flesh at times. And the smell of the leather is truly addictive. Take that from C who stuck her whole head into the bag to smell it haha. I am very pleased with my Giselle (christened her).

Hush my girl, dry those eyes.
You were not meant for tears.
You were meant for battle
Suit up that armour
Pick up that spear
Hold up your chin
And forward,straight,point

Stand my girl, don't lie and dream
You were not meant for fairytales.
Close that book
And put on your mask
For your innocence and naïveté
Are written all over your face
Surely you do not want
Them to see and jeer
Or even worse,
To steal all that's so dear

Hold back the tears, my sweet girl
For they betray all your inner feelings
Or worse
Being called weak
They may throw their sticks and stones
But even as you struggle not
To fall
Or
To cry in pain
You must remember
The angels will watch over you
But no one will blow on your wounds
And pains
No one will hug you
In the darkest of the night
So my sweet sweet girl
You must learn to
Hold on


xoxo to myself,
ling

Random thought in the time of the night

I love my job. I really do. i think it showed especially today. it was one of the longest days i had to handle in a while 7am to 8pm.. but at the end of the day, i actually still feel v alert and energetic.. abit running on adrenaline i know.. But i felt truly happy nonetheless.. i was enjoying each and every session with each individual student, sharing knowledge and bantering with them to help them relieve the exam stress too. And was even texting G, K and P how happy i am with my job in between journeys to sessions.

But unfortunately, when the body tires, i also do start to think. Do i have to work so relentlessly? maybe the couz feels come on, it isn't alot. i do get alot more rest than the average worker in sg. But i also do feel, like in this period.. is it all worth it? working and working, in trying to put more away. I try to chase away all these thoughts as I work, cos i really don't honestly find my work, work sometimes. I love what i do.. But sometimes, i do think, when is enough, enough? Even during my last session, the father was saying i should rest (maybe cos he doesn't realise PHs like Labour's Day are my peak=)).. and i happily still laughed it off and said, it's okay. cos it's exam period. and the kids need the sessions.

So ultimately, does it boil down to the feeling of wanting to be needed? Or does it mean being perfectionistic in my work? Or cos i have a standard to uphold for myself? Or just cos i am born plain responsible?

I no longer can tell, as I accomodate each session i can to the best of my abilities, and take on what i can ad hoc.. I only know the bank account needs to grow. And i need to get my house when I hit the age in 6 years' time..


I draw my energy from my own pep talk as i hurry from venue to venue, comfort myself with the sight of the moon when the heart experiences that momentary feeling of longing that i don't allow myself to feel very often, and gain energy from the banter with the kids.

And day comes, and i soldier on.

And how appropriate, the radio was playing "Fucking Perfect" at the moment i was typing this out... lol