There are times like this I will get quite afraid.. that I will become like what my couz said, that I am desperate to get hitched.. and I will keep over-thinking and over-analyzing it.. am i am i AM I?
I havta rem relationship stuff is not sth i can comfortably talk to the couz with. Cos she's too cool-headed and too logical when it comes to this area.
Esp when i rem back to that incident about tt bugger provoking me with it and though i told him off in the name of respect, I fear i am actually also scolding him cos i have this deep-set fear that i didnt know exist.. okay i am definitely over-thinking.
First up when i think of despo women in their 30s.. and i thk of xx and xxx. I DONT WANT.
I will always rem how G told me that i musnt be afraid of being by myself.. or like MTE said, Never look at the other to take your pain of fear and loss away, cos that's when all the problems start. But then G will have someone lined up when her current fails. Oh well, if i havta define it for myself, it means I must be really comfy doing all these things by myself. Happy. Not self-conscious.
I do have times when i enjoy that coffee in that cafe, or a meal in the shop, and I feel fine i think. Being by myself has its perks. I can people-watch. I can listen to my music. I can read my book. I can play on my phone. I can pay attention to my own thoughts. But i also have times when I shop or walk by myself and I panick, thinking people are judging me.
I blame it on the period hormones (oh so convenient heh) and I know this period will pass. I will have peace, inner peace and I will NOT become afraid of myself. Like, myself only =)
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