Is....?

It is only the second day and i am feeling v v tired already.

And i am not even sitting in the office doing my planning cos i am not officially hired yet. (and i have my doubts i will be, cos when i am in the office yest, there were another 2 interviewees coming in for interview. Although i hrd they do not have the experience, still studying or just grad, but they may be cheaper to hire.

I dunno. I dun want to think about that first.

I just wanna think. Is this wad i wanna?

I am once again facing the crossroads, and this time, limitations of finances and job oppties out there is pressing me to make the decision. (unless i really do not get hired in the end) Fast.

If i still have a few K in my account balance, i think i can still afford to wait it out. But i dun. I need to build it all up again. And i am going to be 26 soon, with no finance buildup.

I dun want it this way.

I really like the oppties this job can offer me. the training oppties. the chance to really make my own mistakes and learn, as i have experienced it yest. This is something i did not have the chance to in my prev job, where i am picked up before i am even allowed to fall down. And i fully stand by the "the best way to learn is by falling down".

But i dunno if this is the work i wanna do. Sure, the training oppties are aplenty, and the way they enforced their teaching methods is v different and more results producing. and this is certainly a good chance to beef up my public speaking.

But i dun just wanna do training and workshops. And a little honesty here, i do hate camps.

I want to do counselling too. And i dunno how much this organization will give me. or if they will even give me at all.

Planning for a 2hour session is already taking its toll on me, i cant imagine how planning for a full day workshop is gonna be like.

Dun get me wrong. I think workshops are beneficial in their own ways, it's just that i dun endorse them, or rather, i do not enjoy running workshops cos i always feel i tend to miss ppl out, or that the effects i released isnt beneficial for all. I enjoy my small group counselling and indiv counselling cos i feel each child is so different and unique and i can do much more.

But i havent been getting what i wanna- have applied for children's home and p sch csllg but not successful. And i neeed a job.

The other way i look at it is, if i do eventually nab the job, i can make use of the training fund to beef up on my counselling skills which would be beneficial to me in the next organization i join.

that sounds like a good idea doesn't it? then i just gotta tough it out in the meantime.

This is wad happens when u know u gotta count on urself for everything. when there isnt a trust fund or plan u can depend on.

But i know i will eventually do it. I have been growing stronger year by year, and this is just gonna be another hurdle i gotta get through.

If i do not nab the job, then i gotta think of my next plan of action. fast.

If i have my own way, i would be a rich socialite. Or a talented fashion designer designing my own line and having a boutique.

But i just gotta stop with all these pipe dreams and be realistic. or when i save enuff money, probably the latter can still come true for me=)

chanting: I am young and i still have energy.. i am young and i gotta push on...