Colormekatie

My blog posts lately are sounding too sombre, and i like to balance the negative and positive feelings on this blog=).. Just wanna share a blog that has caught my eye lately with its happy vibrancy.

http://colormekatie.blogspot.com/

It's a crazy colorful and euphoric blog that just inspires happy and creative thoughts every time i visit it.

Here are some of the artist (katie)'s artwork..





Do visit her blog for your daily dose of colorful happiness=)

Inane and Inept

I hate it when people come to my house with an ulterior motive, such as asking my mum for handouts. And hello, it is not even a one-time off thg..

It is like, some people in my family, just expect help and expect my mum to give it.

I know my mum is a good and generous person, a good mother, daughter, friend, wife, sister.. but so? Do they always have to take advantage like that?

And i know they do not just visit out of goodwill, out of "concern" for my mum. It's simply asking for handout lor, and I LOOK DOWN ON THEM, especially when it's a man.

If my mum can survive and bring up her 3 daughters on her pay, i don't see why these people can't.

No money, strict wife, blah blah blah reason, then just ask for handout. very easy lor. I despise it.

Even for myself, i dun even ask my mum to give me money just cos i'm not working. Becos that is my problem. And i should not even be asking for money at this age. What more these so-called elders?

As i grow older, i become more sure of what i wanna, and i definitely do not want to land in a marriage where my husband would be depending on me financially.

Sad to say, i'm surrounded by women who are definitely more financially capable than men. Or then, their men in the families actually look after the families.

My motivation in staying single is growing stronger by the way. Dun come and tell me it's law of nature to find a partner. IS it law of nature for a man to ask a woman for a handout? Is it law of nature to expect the woman to provide for the family?

I'll much rather take care of myself in that sense.

Not forgetting my mum of cos. She had better lead a better nextlife else there's seriously no more laws of nature in this universe.

Boiling fucking mad but gonna channel these energies to looking for a good-paid job that'll enable me to live out my dreams.

Just so that my blog doesn't look so dead...

...not that i think there are still people checking here.. but I do like my outlet for writing every now and then. Even though there's Facebook to connect with the world out there, you just can't replace the satisfaction of writing with it. Anw Facebook is more like a social networking place, to know people how in you are, which places u been to, but don't exactly offer you a place to write. (i think the "Notes" tab is pretty redundant, so to speak)

I seriously been reliving those days when i was on a break from uni, and i'm pretty glad i made this decision to take a break. Was asked today if my morale is low or am i panicky from lack of response from job hunt. Panicky.. only abit of cos. Finance still impt mah. But morale not low, cos i think the waiting period is expected. If some beings stop making me feel guilty (haiz) or useless, i can honestly say that i really am enjoying this break.

So pics! with the ohsofab LX3! (thanks to ying!)




a late night movie and snack @ Coffee Bean's with sistaz.. oooh hot chocolate with marshmallows floating on top! So my fave season!



mum's company walkathon for charity.. one of the few exercises done in my break. i shd really get my fatass moving like some swimming but its not moving!! Motivations!!



Yinghui's gothic-mystery-cute themed wedding.. caught up with some SC gals and it was a great wedding lunch overall.


This is my laptop's wallpaper now! it's so hard to find nice pics of the Cullen family cos the focus is always on Edward, whom i dun think is the handsomest anyway. Carlisle is the most handsome (his name is so roll-the-tongue sexy too, think i'll name my future-son-if-i-have-one Carlisle) and Alice is the prettiest. Though in this pic, everyone looks changed (new look for new series?) and Carlisle dun actually look as good in dark hair as he did in blonde, and Alice definitely suits short hair than long locks, I still like the overall look of this pic. Everyone looks so good, and i love the Victorian regal elegance of the setting. And Jasper actually looks pretty hot here. Anw i just prefer the Cullen clan's pic to the rest of the promo pics they have for New Moon.

On the subject of New Moon the movie, on first impression, it's really not v good (in my opinion, i find it the boringest book cos i cannot get past Bella's depression for most of the book) and i totally dislike her char in the movie, hesitant and ditching her best friend once her vamp bf is back. DUNCH LIKE. i know there's supposed to be alot of gals who can relate to her character but sorry i'm not on her camp. Plus I am defly on Team Jacob, i love his childish simple naivety and forthright manner, not to mention those muscles! *swoons*

However, when i spent time reflecting on the movie, gotta admit, there's just a draw about the whole Twilight saga (that's generating alot of third-rate spin-offs: was rolling my eyes at this series of novels whh is totally just trying too hard to jump on the twilight bandwagon) that pulls you in, whether it's the longing that's so intense between the characters that just bounces off the screen at you, or the mystical legends that brings you down those childhood lanes of dragons, princes, princesses and monsters, or the simple love story that just exists so simply it's too good to be true, it just draws you in deeper and forces you to breathe and dream Twilight.

So anyway, it got me reading Eclipse and i cannot wait for the movie to come out end-june 2010!!


www.lingeringfantasies.weebly.com

Just a fun project i kickstarted to clear clothes and fill my boring dayz. hehz. Do ask plus-size friends to support!

Lastly, it's gonna be Xmas soon! i'm certainly wishing the weather would turn cold enough for me to have the excuse to buy thigh boots and patterned stockings. I have already seen some i like on a plus-size site, but i shd curb myself plus the weather in Sg just dun permit. The most i can buy is ankle boots.

And i wanna a mini xmas tree like the pic! just sth small and cute on my desk. i do love xmas trees and nv had one in my entire life, so this would be cool. wondering if Daiso has?

I don't like it when I say this, but...

I don't think my work as a counsellor has to mean i have to be a counsellor 24/7.

Lately I reflected on this, thinking about what happened in the yesteryears, when my expectations of people failed to be met, when people failed to be there when I expect them to, and somehow, I am expected to be there? I dunno.. it's the feeling i get again, and I dun like it, so hola, gotta back up abit and let the lessons sink back to me. If i dun wanna have expectations, i got to stop giving like I got alot of myself to give see? fair.. I guess i work like that so gotta accept it. I gotta stop giving the vibe that i'm okay and always-ready when people always download on me. cos when the consequences set in, i dun think it's fair to blame others either for expecting too much and getting nothing in return.

Few people can give me positive vibes nowadays, so i just gotta keep surrounding myself with these positive vibes. God knows i need it, having been sucked dry for so many years.

My sis was right on several counts, why try so hard for people who dun give u back? it's not even about expecting rewards or expecting that someone will pay for you when u go out. It's just plain friendship, the whole when-i-am-down-you-are-there thgie. I have the lovelies who has seen the worst of me and stuck through. I also have those I dun think i can trust to be there in a heartbeat, so seriously, why bother?

If i can only stop myself from freely saying the words, "I'll be there for you" all the time. I mean it i know, when i say it. But I dun think i get many recipocraters, and frankly i'm tired.

They say friends dun talk about price. I say, just learn it the hard way.

When all is said and done.

I was reading an interesting anecdote off a local celeb's blog, and it's probably interesting to me becos of the innate message that seems to apply to my close friends and me at this stage.

I was having dinner with a girlfriend and she told me how she is facing quarter-life crisis. I don’t know what that really means (I guess it’s not something everyone goes through and even if we do, it turns out differently). Hers is an empty sort of feeling, of not knowing what you are really pursuing that will complete your life.

I suggested that she probably needs a man. She denies.
Then maybe it’s romantic love she wants. She denies.

Gee, women are always in self-denial. Haha, it’s true! I admit to that sometimes. Hee hee…

She says she doesn’t want to have a serious relationship.
She says it’s tiring to get to know someone all over again.

True, but isn’t the lack of stability that’s really tiring? I mean, when you date around as opposed to having a serious relationship. And you keep having to introduce yourself to many people instead of spending time getting to know someone better. At the end of the name game, you realise you don’t really know anyone well, and they don’t really know you. Sort of like Alfie, who is rich on the outside but poor emotionally. (Alfie referring to that long ago movie in which Jude Law starred as a commitment-phobe guy.

I think this piece struck a chord in me becos of my recent meetups with my gals, and we seem to be revolving around this issue of an "empty sort of feeling, of not knowing what you are really pursuing that will complete your life", whether it's a situation in a work environment, boredom with what one is having and craving more, uncertainty over partners, etc. For myself, it is like facing a turnstile and not knowing which direction to go next.

I'm loving my break but yet, in some ways made to feel guilty for it. I should not have to say that at this age, and i do not want to name the people who make me feel guilty, cos i know i'm also one of those making myself feel that way. Perhaps it just comes from this socially-trained protocol to always be busy and lazing around is plain uselessness, but i cannot deny the fact too that in sg, money makes the society go around. And when my hands stop working, albeit some of my lovely generous babes, i still have financial constraints. haiz. such is the dilemma. Got work got money no energy to spend. No work no money cannot spend. Much as i would like to continue taking my well-deserved break, i'm already getting more than a few gentle reminders that i should be job-seeking. And i am. From a combination of gentle reminders and my own financial constraints.

Much as i long for a guilt-free long break, i know that in this time and age, it's highly impossible. I can only make do with what i have from my break and be grateful for it. I cannot say i'm grudging of this fact, cos i do fear of my skills going to waste and my brain matter decreasing from lack of usage for too long. However this is where i foresee myself in this stuck cycle. Work, then fearing a breakdown from stress and fatigue, then take a break, then face societal pressure, then find work again.

I can only hope my sanity remains with me till the end of my cycle. Otherwise, I can once again rely on the strength of those who understand me, and my own strength to get me by. Since i know i wanna be pretty self-reliant, i should get used to this cycle pretty soon. Till i find the strength to explore broader horizons, of which i'm sure will aid my stuck cycle crisis.

Nobody said growing up was easy, but more than this, i still wanna be grateful for my own little piece of blue sky and not whine too much about the current state of affairs i am in, cos i know i'm a survivor, and will rise above it all.

oooh.. the whole of september just passed me by! anyway for those who aren't in the know, i left my ****hole of a job le.. haiz, okay maybe i shun totally say ****hole.. there are definitely people i will miss, especially my lovely kids.. but when it's time to go, it's time to go. so shall not say more.

Anyway, i musta be quite efficient, cos i finished clearing my work in one week, or rather 2.5 days at the office (with some at home), so now i'm free...

However, i'm already planning for the next stage.. but first thgs first.. REST AND RELAX!! TAIWAN HERE I COMEEEE!!

I really do need a digicam though.. and am contemplating if i shd get one before my tw trip.. i let the COMEX fair just pass me by, cos i just hadn't the time to think about it with the workpile to be cleared. i know with my current finances, i shd just borrow from someone, my cousin or sis did say just borrow theirs.. but we are gg on trip at the same time, and i guess it just doesn't beat having your own, so u can always have it on hand, whenever u like, and take the pics u like. I'm just totally relying on my handphone camera now, and of cos it has its limitations.

Do i have 700 to blow on a Lumix LX3? *ponders*

that aside.. i'm just having the time out of my life now.. into my 3rd week at Charcoal Drawing course at NAFA, and gonna be a homely girl the next few days and pack the amount of garbage i carried back from office.. 1.5 years and i accumulated 3 bags.. shudders. can't imagine the rest of my ex-colleagues who are there for xx years..

Anyway ppl, till then.

*no pics* i was looking at my iPhoto library and realised i took a pathetic number of pics this year, thanks to digicam-less state, and it can be quite hard to get people to transfer pics to u.. so maybe i shd srsly think about getting one=)

bonding session with mum and sistaz at hair salon today.. i did sth else to my hair. it's understated yet still punkish.. i'm loving it though.. *hints* my sistaz are calling me anime now.. haha, tho i'm a self-confessed klutz on anime.

the 1-for-1 swensons lunch deal is really worth it though! but GreenHouse @ RItz fails to meet up to its expectations. i'm glad flo had a delightful bday dinner tho=) the company matters most after all =)

alright pix to come when i'm less busy / tired / lazy.

I duwan go back work tomorrow!!

*wails*

Why does PHs always pass so fast?

Anyway.. just a little more..

On a sidenote...

No matter how i know my bubble always burst in the end, i still believe in them, love the beauty of them, even in their shortlivedness..

The classic Chanel 2.55 is one signature bag that every lady pursuing class and elegance should own, in my opinion. It is simplistically beautiful, yet so unattainable (at least to me at the moment). I'm still hankering after the dream of owning of a real Chanel 2.55, but doesn't seem to be within my range in the near future. So have been lusting instead after inspired versions online, some of which aren't too bad.



Chanel-inspired in their classic tweed design.. kind of unique and stands out from the original..


Thought the colours in this range are all really nice plus the design is closest to the original..


picked out my fave 2 colours

you can't go wrong with the classic black..


my fave shade of yellow - baby yellow. u thought i was going to choose the blue right?;)


The strap's even detachable to double up as bracelet ala Nicole Richie style (CC Double Skye Wrap)


black and white combi..


Other stuff on the site that caught my eye...

The BOW bag (no doubt made popular ala Gaga bow-style)..


think it looks nicest in my fave colour this time..


Vintage-ish slim wallet


Sleek. i like


love the neat hidden compartments, or maybe it's just the pic.

so the adage goes...

when you can't beat them, join them.

i say:

when you can't join them, leave them.

xoxo

Today, ling is very tired.

Saw another enactment of fakeo-ness today. How can people fake till this extent? But I'm sure, it's not going to be the last or worst. As life goes on, i'll see more examples of cleverly manipulative and complicated humans can be.

People, can be so tiring.

Been some time since i wanna scream or cry out loud. But there's no safe place to. i need a mountain, or in Singapore's case, a hilltop.

S.M.O.P

Solve My Own Problem.

i have not blogged in ages!!

well, that's cos i have been busy emo-ing, and then making another decision at another crossroads. but now's that all over and done with, i should get my act back and start planning for the next phase in my life!

After all, those who mind dun matter and those who matter wun mind!! my new catch-phrase. So i know no matter wad i do, there'll be critiques, but there'll also be those who still hold open their arms, NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!

i do agree that humans naturally just like to hear the good things, and get defensive about the bad. but IMHO, i think life's too short to be wasted on pondering over the bad for too long, and i should just learn to trust myself, my own instincts and get my super-fat butt moving.

Speaking about tt, i am getting oh-so-super fat. i am not denying it. just look at the fat faces in the recent pics below. only LavenderCloset has the ability to make me feel like a beautiful plus-sized babe now. Imma totally satisfied with the last batch of clothes they picked for me; haha i call them my personal shopper, cos what i need to do, is just get my butt down when the lovely owner tells me when the appropriate shipment (she thinks has the clothes suited for me) is here and i go and she will pick out the clothes she thinks would look good on me. and she is NOT like those annoying boutiques who'll press u to buy every single item they shove on u. she just gives her honest opinion on each piece and tells me when it aint look so good, and she totally und when i'm on a budget, and on top of the free personal shopper service, she still gives me discounts on all the clothes. and did i mention she would also replace items (even if i already worn them) when buttons drop and all? that is totally first class service. i'm supz in love with her personalized service that i seldom shop anywhere else but just wait patiently for her shipments. so i did splurge abit more this time round cos the last i saw her was in CNY, and i dint buy a single piece the last i saw her, cos the pieces she kept for me then dint suit me at all. But she was still totally sweet about it. okay i think i can go on ages about her. but i tell ya, she's that cool. u guys can check out her shop. She specialises in plus-size fashion but she does do petite ones too. love her love her love her!! i love people who dun make me feel fat. i already know i'm plus-size, and it doesn't help a freaking bit when u hear people comment about it day and night, as though it's a crime. and the worst thing is, sometimes u even get it from ugly and fat pieces of shit. it's like calling the kettle black isn't it? urghz. enough about this issue, another one i can go on for ages, but i shun waste too much time on it. Anw, i'm planning to do something about it once i get my F.R.E.E.D.O.M.!!!!

Okay. here goes the pics of June past by:

::Creativity at work::

Made for me=)

Girl-On-A-Swing

Groupwork...




::Bibi-overload... and i'll smack the next person who dare say he's ugly. he's the cutest ever (nan de he's in a photo-taking mood) and u better agree!!!!::






::Silly-ing around in the office, props courtesy of YJ::

LO acting sultry, and ol' fat me=)

YJ being wooperz cute

Back to Basics

Been feeling an emotion overload lately.. I'm pretty attuned now to knowing when my body and mind needs a time out, so applied for urgent leave today, turned off my hp for a day, and just had self-time for myself..

This is (one of the things) what i did on my off-day:













Pics are a combination from my hp cam and Canon. Both sux.. super blur.. I NEED A NEW DIGICAM!!! Sponsors welcome! *beams*

Been neglecting my collection.. hope i can spend more time on it again.. starting on another set.. and need to stock up on display cases from Daiso...

::Good Food with family and friends::

My "time-out" weekend started with a home-made American-style breakfast compliments of my cousin. Though she complained it's not nicely arranged and the pic looks blah, who cares? It's filled with unspoken caring and i relished every bite.


Had dinner @ Prego's with my gals, flo and grace thereafter. Just a nice day out chilling, bringing out embarrassing secrets about each other, alot laughing and finally ended with drinks @ Harry's. Love my gals.. so can be myself with them, and they ask no more of me...

Gracie dear.. u know i'll support whatever decision u decided to make eventually.. Love u.

Fab crusty bread..




The best tiramisu i tasted to date.

The food at Prego's is good. Highly-recommended. Someplace i'll bring my family to soon...

Choc Amer @ half-price this month at Bakerzinn..

.. So good we bought a whole cake for mum's bday.

Contented bday gal (cos she had such filial daughters who spent her whole bday with her =)) and sleepy dog (no cake for him! ha!)


High Tea @ Equinox a while back with mum and sisters..




I dun recommend it unless you are into English Breakfast-style high tea, which i'm not really. I find the food so-so only and dun really live up to the hype.

Work tmr.. *groans* Would love a longer break but it has to be enough for now.