It's one of those crazy times when i just wanna shout out to the world, smile at people, skip on the garden path, gaze upon the endless stars and hum The Sweet Escape with a Frappuccino in hand.
I just have this kind of silly moments when i feel i am on top of the world and in my own world, and nothing can bring me down.
I had a great CHOICE session today and it just blew away the disappointment of Tuesday.. maybe tts one of the contributing factors to my silly moment tonight.
I need more moments like this to keep me going..
(Randomness) Oooh.. for the love of pretty, unnecessary accessories, marilyn monroe-like dresses, flamboyant eye makeup and luscious hair.. I'm in the vainpot mood, wanting to buy many many accessories. Am having this fetish now for lasting, quality accessories. Wanting to buy cos i love me. There's no one greater than me now at this moment. So indulge myself.
"If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, Now wouldn't that be sweet?"
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Walking down memory lane is a bad thing.
Didn't Xiaorou suffer for that in the 9pm drama?
Ouch. But the memories just clings to u. Draws u in. Let me indulge once more under the cover of lonely night and no more.
Memories. Beautifully poisonous. Wrapping its seductive arms around you, and strangling the life out of you in the process.
Let me hold them in my palms just once more. Lest i lose all of them one day. Then cry the endless tears. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Only tonight do i realise why love can be the greatest, most beautiful thing in the world, it also has the greatest capacity of destruction, holds the most poisonous venom in the world, is the greatest yet the most selfish thing in the world.
Love. Hate. So hard to differentiate sometimes.
Didn't Xiaorou suffer for that in the 9pm drama?
Ouch. But the memories just clings to u. Draws u in. Let me indulge once more under the cover of lonely night and no more.
Memories. Beautifully poisonous. Wrapping its seductive arms around you, and strangling the life out of you in the process.
Let me hold them in my palms just once more. Lest i lose all of them one day. Then cry the endless tears. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Only tonight do i realise why love can be the greatest, most beautiful thing in the world, it also has the greatest capacity of destruction, holds the most poisonous venom in the world, is the greatest yet the most selfish thing in the world.
Love. Hate. So hard to differentiate sometimes.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
C.H.O.I.C.E.S
May-June is a period of choices.. As the school holidays set in, CHOICE groupwork for GP Programme is starting for me. I'm kinda looking forward to it, not just that it is my first time doing youth groupwork, but also we are planning an outing to Sentosa with the youths.. YIPPS!! Looking forward..
Besides work, I have been hooked recently on this Mediacorp drama that talks about choices. Tonight's episode is particularly on this topic of choices. If life isn't made of choices, maybe this would not have happened. However, we all have to make choices in life. The effect/consequence of the choice you made is just something you have to bear. If you made a choice and someone suffers for it, it is still something you have to bear on yourself. Being a social worker makes me realise the importance of choices i have to make, the responsibilities placed in my hands. How i write a report and which job i choose to do first affects my clients, directly or indirectly. That being said, I firmly believe that when the choice you make results in your own happiness/comfort, but results in someone's misery/suffering, sooner or later, you have to pay for it. This form of happiness is never long-lasting. So, "bie(2) ba(3) kuai(4) le(4) jian(4) li(4) zai(4) bie(3) ren(3) de(4) tong(4) ku(3) shang(4)".
I teared alot during tonight's episode, cos it cuts so close to home. Seeing Zhiling's silent misery culminating in her death jolts the feelings i thought i had long laid to rest. Or maybe i just like to cry at sappy sentimental shows.
I'll never forget.
So please, give me selective amnesia.
******
Talking about teary shows reminds me of the super tearjerker movie i watched on SCV over the weekend with my family. My sister said we should just buy the show so we'll lose weight from all the crying. Blearghz. No way. Even thinking about some of the scenes in the show now still has my heart wrenching. Anyway the show is a Korean movie called "Hearty Paws (Zai(4) Jian(4) Xiao(3) Xue(3)", a show on this couple of abandoned children and their dog. I tell you, i totally believe now in the Koreans' ability of producing super tearjerkers. I'm not a big fan of Korean shows normally, but this show really gets those tear glands working. They combined the story of a pair of abandoned children with their dog who was loyal to them through death and till its death. Okay i think i better dun say le, i can feel the tears coming again. I was just sobbing uncontrollably into my towel throughout the show (yupz, my family predicted i was just going to waste alot of tissues so i might as well use a towel: good foresight). Yall really MUST watch it. Anw the reason why i was crying too was cos now we have a dog, and my overactive imagination was just imagining our dog to be the one in the show, but the silly dog did not understand my "ku(3) xin(3)" at all and just gave me a strange look when i wailed halfway through the show. dumb dog really.
But i still love him. and my darlin' darlin' family. Mummy's birthday is always v v near Mother's Day, so we usually have a double celebration. This year, cos of the extra cash, we were able to go to 2 v v nice places to eat!! Plus buy Bibi new stuff like a much-needed leash (he is like a wild dog when we take him for walks now, so a leash is necessary), his fave dog food and some other stuff. However we dint take any pics of the fantabulous food at Soup Restaurant @ Causeway Point and No Signboard Seafood Restaurant @ ECP because all of us were just too greedy for the food (plus also becos with my family, i dun dress up if we aren't going to town, so i think i'll look too ugly with my unkempt self so i never take hahahha). Anyway suffice to say I had a gastronomical weekend filled with good food. Wondrous double-boiled soup, ginger paste chicken, and OHMIGOD, i nv see such huge Sri Lankan crabs before. SLURPS!! It's nice to have that extra bit of money and enjoy with family. grinz.
Bibi's the most handsome in the family no matter what he wears so it's okay to take pics of him. haha.
Dunno why the pics taken with my digicam are so blurry. Could be cos Bibi moved too much. Or could be time for a new cam. heeez. Any sweetie wanna buy a new one for me? *innocent sweet smile*
He's looking super happy with his new bowl
...and doggy treats!!
Display courtesy of mummy of his new stuff that we splurged on him!
the darlin' is getting sleepy. Love this pic cos he looks super like a soft toy here.
What i have been busy in May with... Anti-Bullying Campaign at one of my p schs.
Volunteers and colleague. i taking the pic.
Debi was a sweetie to come down to help me during her exam period. superbly touched. kisses.
*The next series of pics were taken with KF's cam. That's why it's clearer and sharper. hur hur*
My first Staff-Recreation Day! The 3-centre strong staff.. small and cosy eh? The orange tee with deep blue stripes really made all the girls look like beer girls! haha. I won a $5 Popular voucher courtesy of group game.
"Waaahing" at my huge bowl at ramen at Waraku Restaurant @ Marina Square. The staff were all treated to a meal there and we had our own private room! But the food not v nice i feel. The ramen was way too salty for my liking. Company was great though!
Big Bowl, Small Bowl.
My centre staff all together...
Besides work, I have been hooked recently on this Mediacorp drama that talks about choices. Tonight's episode is particularly on this topic of choices. If life isn't made of choices, maybe this would not have happened. However, we all have to make choices in life. The effect/consequence of the choice you made is just something you have to bear. If you made a choice and someone suffers for it, it is still something you have to bear on yourself. Being a social worker makes me realise the importance of choices i have to make, the responsibilities placed in my hands. How i write a report and which job i choose to do first affects my clients, directly or indirectly. That being said, I firmly believe that when the choice you make results in your own happiness/comfort, but results in someone's misery/suffering, sooner or later, you have to pay for it. This form of happiness is never long-lasting. So, "bie(2) ba(3) kuai(4) le(4) jian(4) li(4) zai(4) bie(3) ren(3) de(4) tong(4) ku(3) shang(4)".
I teared alot during tonight's episode, cos it cuts so close to home. Seeing Zhiling's silent misery culminating in her death jolts the feelings i thought i had long laid to rest. Or maybe i just like to cry at sappy sentimental shows.
I'll never forget.
So please, give me selective amnesia.
******
Talking about teary shows reminds me of the super tearjerker movie i watched on SCV over the weekend with my family. My sister said we should just buy the show so we'll lose weight from all the crying. Blearghz. No way. Even thinking about some of the scenes in the show now still has my heart wrenching. Anyway the show is a Korean movie called "Hearty Paws (Zai(4) Jian(4) Xiao(3) Xue(3)", a show on this couple of abandoned children and their dog. I tell you, i totally believe now in the Koreans' ability of producing super tearjerkers. I'm not a big fan of Korean shows normally, but this show really gets those tear glands working. They combined the story of a pair of abandoned children with their dog who was loyal to them through death and till its death. Okay i think i better dun say le, i can feel the tears coming again. I was just sobbing uncontrollably into my towel throughout the show (yupz, my family predicted i was just going to waste alot of tissues so i might as well use a towel: good foresight). Yall really MUST watch it. Anw the reason why i was crying too was cos now we have a dog, and my overactive imagination was just imagining our dog to be the one in the show, but the silly dog did not understand my "ku(3) xin(3)" at all and just gave me a strange look when i wailed halfway through the show. dumb dog really.
But i still love him. and my darlin' darlin' family. Mummy's birthday is always v v near Mother's Day, so we usually have a double celebration. This year, cos of the extra cash, we were able to go to 2 v v nice places to eat!! Plus buy Bibi new stuff like a much-needed leash (he is like a wild dog when we take him for walks now, so a leash is necessary), his fave dog food and some other stuff. However we dint take any pics of the fantabulous food at Soup Restaurant @ Causeway Point and No Signboard Seafood Restaurant @ ECP because all of us were just too greedy for the food (plus also becos with my family, i dun dress up if we aren't going to town, so i think i'll look too ugly with my unkempt self so i never take hahahha). Anyway suffice to say I had a gastronomical weekend filled with good food. Wondrous double-boiled soup, ginger paste chicken, and OHMIGOD, i nv see such huge Sri Lankan crabs before. SLURPS!! It's nice to have that extra bit of money and enjoy with family. grinz.
Bibi's the most handsome in the family no matter what he wears so it's okay to take pics of him. haha.
Dunno why the pics taken with my digicam are so blurry. Could be cos Bibi moved too much. Or could be time for a new cam. heeez. Any sweetie wanna buy a new one for me? *innocent sweet smile*
He's looking super happy with his new bowl
...and doggy treats!!
Display courtesy of mummy of his new stuff that we splurged on him!
the darlin' is getting sleepy. Love this pic cos he looks super like a soft toy here.
What i have been busy in May with... Anti-Bullying Campaign at one of my p schs.
Volunteers and colleague. i taking the pic.
Debi was a sweetie to come down to help me during her exam period. superbly touched. kisses.
*The next series of pics were taken with KF's cam. That's why it's clearer and sharper. hur hur*
My first Staff-Recreation Day! The 3-centre strong staff.. small and cosy eh? The orange tee with deep blue stripes really made all the girls look like beer girls! haha. I won a $5 Popular voucher courtesy of group game.
"Waaahing" at my huge bowl at ramen at Waraku Restaurant @ Marina Square. The staff were all treated to a meal there and we had our own private room! But the food not v nice i feel. The ramen was way too salty for my liking. Company was great though!
Big Bowl, Small Bowl.
My centre staff all together...
Sunday, May 4, 2008
My Time. My Words. My Own.
"我又不能帶你飛上天堂 何必說感謝 我也只能改變我的信仰
我又不能影響我的磁場 不必要感謝 我也只能試煉我的堅強
我又不能回報你的善良 何必說感謝 我也只能成全你的夢想
誰又真能答應地久天長 承諾太美難免狡猾 誰說過
保持清醒等待迷惑 誰說過？ 能夠灑脫因為忘我 誰說過
是誰說這些 寧願愛錯不要錯過 誰說過 因為自由所以寂寞
誰說過 只有如果沒有結果 誰說過 是誰說這些"
random lyrics from an old Daniel Chan song
********
What can I say? When the days are just filled with work, home, hanging out with family and friends, there isn't much physical activities I can update on right? But the routine days leave me with enough time to reflect upon my life. I'm absolutely grateful that my workplace places so much emphasis on quality work that we are not tied down with the boggling overwork that seems to claim the fate of many in the same field, and even those outside of my field. So grateful that this allows me the luxury of putting my work behind me when the day is over, and just relax over mindless TV shows over dinner and maybe sit down to a book and a mug of hot tea or tidy and re-arrange my stuff in my cosy room, or just allowing me the time to mull over... stuff.
My life has much dwindled to hanging out with those selected few... whilst those having their exams disappear for that short span of time. Argued with my cousin that night over having only these selected few in my life. Why do I only go out one-on-one each time with a friend? Why not other friends together? Why not a whole group? My reply was i'm contented with these few. Having too many doesn't equate to many more true friendships i can count on thank you very much. She felt i was too close-minded and that I was being childish and I am just closing opportunities and being a froggy in the well for my thinking. Well. *shrugs* To each his/her own. My experiences have just been made up of too many of such friendships that got too close and then take away a piece of your heart and thereafter leave you in the cold without so much a backward glance. So i would much rather just focus on those who count. Out with quantity. The old is still gold.
I discovered that as time goes by, as stuff happens, i grew more comfortable in expressing my own opinions and less bothered with hurting another's feelings(though it's a job requirement as some of yall might know). One good thing that came out of me being in the job is my increasing level of self-awareness. It enforces my "no one is going to look out for you ultimately, you gotta count on yourself" theory.
That brings me to the next topic much explored this month for some reason--maybe it's a connecting topic for girls. Many a colleague and the boss herself asked if I ever thought to settle down in future. *Ponders*. Also asked healing balm and floflo about it. At this point, the answer is no. Thought back to those days when i'll be super affected during those CNY gatherings and be asked if i got a significant other already, will stupidly feel unwanted and desperate. But with the increasing amount of self-awareness, support from my own significant others (you know who you are=)) and the increasing confidence in self due to all these support, the negative feelings faded with time. The answer is no now because i feel i still have much about myself to discover, a long journey of these discoveries to make, the steps towards success i hope to achieve in my own little working field. I cannot deny all these are also coupled with the fact that i'm disillusioned with those who have chosen to give up friendship over love. I have friends who can still make the balance between love and friendship very well, so i don't think there's any excuse for those who can't. Frigging weak excuse i say, and an inexplicable end to the seemingly-close-but-heartbreakingly-fragile friendships we used to have. While i understand that there's a change in life-stage and a change in single staus to "in-a-relationship", i cannot understand that the friendship has to take such a big backseat that you might as well have been strangers in the first place.
Oh yeah, i have become unforgivable in that way. But *shrugs*. I STILL have those who count. That's my priceless treasure.
Then despite the answer being no, i won't reject going out and meeting new people. Rather stewpid of me to close my heart just cos of some frigging not-worth-it people dunch ya think?
That's my new level of self-awareness. I only hope my priceless treasures still love me for who i am, which i have no doubt they do=) hahahaha
Time is a miraculous healer. I love how as time goes by, my body and mind starts to self-heal on its own accord. Well that's also coupled with those priceless treasures' support and the fact that i know i am strong enough.
Whether it is bathing the silly dog, discussing the latest plot on TVB with sis dearest, sa-jiao-ing to mummy dear, watching cousin carefully packing the day's breakfast/lunch into separate containers, sitting at the Gloria Jeans @ Raffles City, or in the almost unnoticeable Cafe Revive in Centrepoint, with a soothing cup of tea, an ice-cream, comforting honey roasted ham chips, or aimless window-shopping, each is a true blessing i am still grateful for in my mundane life.
And with these new little discoveries, I leaped into May with a lighter heart and (a little) heavier pocket (yippees for the Labour Day surprise that made my family a happy one tonight!!)
我又不能影響我的磁場 不必要感謝 我也只能試煉我的堅強
我又不能回報你的善良 何必說感謝 我也只能成全你的夢想
誰又真能答應地久天長 承諾太美難免狡猾 誰說過
保持清醒等待迷惑 誰說過？ 能夠灑脫因為忘我 誰說過
是誰說這些 寧願愛錯不要錯過 誰說過 因為自由所以寂寞
誰說過 只有如果沒有結果 誰說過 是誰說這些"
random lyrics from an old Daniel Chan song
********
What can I say? When the days are just filled with work, home, hanging out with family and friends, there isn't much physical activities I can update on right? But the routine days leave me with enough time to reflect upon my life. I'm absolutely grateful that my workplace places so much emphasis on quality work that we are not tied down with the boggling overwork that seems to claim the fate of many in the same field, and even those outside of my field. So grateful that this allows me the luxury of putting my work behind me when the day is over, and just relax over mindless TV shows over dinner and maybe sit down to a book and a mug of hot tea or tidy and re-arrange my stuff in my cosy room, or just allowing me the time to mull over... stuff.
My life has much dwindled to hanging out with those selected few... whilst those having their exams disappear for that short span of time. Argued with my cousin that night over having only these selected few in my life. Why do I only go out one-on-one each time with a friend? Why not other friends together? Why not a whole group? My reply was i'm contented with these few. Having too many doesn't equate to many more true friendships i can count on thank you very much. She felt i was too close-minded and that I was being childish and I am just closing opportunities and being a froggy in the well for my thinking. Well. *shrugs* To each his/her own. My experiences have just been made up of too many of such friendships that got too close and then take away a piece of your heart and thereafter leave you in the cold without so much a backward glance. So i would much rather just focus on those who count. Out with quantity. The old is still gold.
I discovered that as time goes by, as stuff happens, i grew more comfortable in expressing my own opinions and less bothered with hurting another's feelings(though it's a job requirement as some of yall might know). One good thing that came out of me being in the job is my increasing level of self-awareness. It enforces my "no one is going to look out for you ultimately, you gotta count on yourself" theory.
That brings me to the next topic much explored this month for some reason--maybe it's a connecting topic for girls. Many a colleague and the boss herself asked if I ever thought to settle down in future. *Ponders*. Also asked healing balm and floflo about it. At this point, the answer is no. Thought back to those days when i'll be super affected during those CNY gatherings and be asked if i got a significant other already, will stupidly feel unwanted and desperate. But with the increasing amount of self-awareness, support from my own significant others (you know who you are=)) and the increasing confidence in self due to all these support, the negative feelings faded with time. The answer is no now because i feel i still have much about myself to discover, a long journey of these discoveries to make, the steps towards success i hope to achieve in my own little working field. I cannot deny all these are also coupled with the fact that i'm disillusioned with those who have chosen to give up friendship over love. I have friends who can still make the balance between love and friendship very well, so i don't think there's any excuse for those who can't. Frigging weak excuse i say, and an inexplicable end to the seemingly-close-but-heartbreakingly-fragile friendships we used to have. While i understand that there's a change in life-stage and a change in single staus to "in-a-relationship", i cannot understand that the friendship has to take such a big backseat that you might as well have been strangers in the first place.
Oh yeah, i have become unforgivable in that way. But *shrugs*. I STILL have those who count. That's my priceless treasure.
Then despite the answer being no, i won't reject going out and meeting new people. Rather stewpid of me to close my heart just cos of some frigging not-worth-it people dunch ya think?
That's my new level of self-awareness. I only hope my priceless treasures still love me for who i am, which i have no doubt they do=) hahahaha
Time is a miraculous healer. I love how as time goes by, my body and mind starts to self-heal on its own accord. Well that's also coupled with those priceless treasures' support and the fact that i know i am strong enough.
Whether it is bathing the silly dog, discussing the latest plot on TVB with sis dearest, sa-jiao-ing to mummy dear, watching cousin carefully packing the day's breakfast/lunch into separate containers, sitting at the Gloria Jeans @ Raffles City, or in the almost unnoticeable Cafe Revive in Centrepoint, with a soothing cup of tea, an ice-cream, comforting honey roasted ham chips, or aimless window-shopping, each is a true blessing i am still grateful for in my mundane life.
And with these new little discoveries, I leaped into May with a lighter heart and (a little) heavier pocket (yippees for the Labour Day surprise that made my family a happy one tonight!!)
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