ANGRY!!

gonna ventilate in my private space already.. anw i gonna use all the fuck shit damn and nabeh words i can use cos this is MY space anyway and not many ppl really reads it anyway so i can ventilate till i am happy!! Even by a "suay" stroke of luck got the ppl i'm targetting reading it, better still, cos they deserve it.

The annual CNY commentary begins again but i'm definitely shocked this year by the unbelievable immaturity of certain male cousins despite them being married and one being a father. How can they make such hurtful and inane childish comments? hello, wake up ur idea already!!

I was expecting the usual "you are fatter" stuff. It's unavoidable and i dun deny it. I am fatter so what? This year even more best. Still got comments like "Plus size contest is to make oversize ppl feel better".. WTF? ur wife is putting on weight too. and fat ppl put on weight does not necessarily equate to eat more. There's medical conditions that enable some ppl to put on and lose weight. So lucky are those who lose weight and dun get said "u r greedy". Those who put on weight are unlucky la? Grow a brain!!

Why was i skinnier in my sec sch days and put on weight increasingly over the years? That's becos i was stupidly impressionable in my adol years and stupidly believe thinness=beauty and hence abused my body by only eating one meal a day. When i started eating normally like 3 meals a day, i put on weight, and tt began in Sec 4. I DID NOT EVEN FUCKING EAT MORE. I just ate normally. Dun give me the crap about indulgences and cravings. I had the average kind of indulgences and cravings as an average human being, most of the times even less. Stimes my slim friends even complain i eat too little, have a small appetite... that brings me to the next pt..

As i grow older, my appetite grew smaller.. however my weight just piles on. There was even a period in uni where I would get so worried over the weight gain i fucking went to the gym 4-5 times a week and took slimming pills. oh the money i wasted. I even swam everyday. Still, i continued to gain weight. These cousins said must be got to do with my diet. Hello, i exercised and i ate normal 3 meals.

Becos of the abuse i subjected my body, i suffered the conseq starting in JC. I had gastric and bloating problems and there were times i cun eat, but i still cont'ed to put on weight. I would have stomach flu and food poisoning, and unlike the normal indiv who loses weight, i nv lost a single kg. Depression set in and i even cut myself when these relatives made more comments about weight gain. However finally, all the medical problems really scare me and gave me a wake-up call, along with the chatitising of those who really cared for my health not my weight.

I stopped trying to lose weight and just learn to be happy with myself. But these ppl wun let up. They dun know a fricken thing about what happened in those years of my battered body and spirit. So they ASSUMED.

Fucking smart alecks. Did i forget to add superficial inane beings?

These days, i'm happier and more accepting of myself but these ppl hasn't changed since my sec school days, which is like 10 years ago.. I have moved on but their perception of thin=beauty still sticks. Stimes i wanna laugh out loud when i think about what they think, it's okay to be ugly but not fat. Fucking funny la.

Open your eyes and look out to the society out there idiots. Your age does not belie your maturity.

I am plus size but I am a healthy plus sizer. And i'm gonna throw this in your face. I'm an independent plus sizer. Even when not working, I dun think of asking my parents for pocket money and give me handouts. I survive on my savings. but u can't even afford to pay for your own wedding and education and even dates. Who's the real loser here? HAHAHA.

I really had alot more to say tonight but the environment (with kids around) is seriously not suitable. Plus i'm thinking for your pride. If u have any.

Then also, i felt even more angry thinking of the inane comments made to hurt my cousin. About how it's all her fault her bro is estranged from her. That coming from the mouth of another inane male cousin. Her own bro. How she does not invite said bro-in-question to the yearly gatherings. BTW, said bro-in-question prevents his son from keeping in touch with us after listening to his wife that we are all out to curse their family. WTF right. If you really wanna do some good, then why dun u do the inviting? And mend the bridges between them? Some people really dun check their brains before they open their mouths to speak. And said cousin is a father for heaven's sake. He has beautiful daughters that i hope would not be contaminated by him.

I just have to be content in the knowledge that like my cousin says, Every family has their own set of difficulties. Even though i continue to wonder, why are the men in my families so childish and immature for their age? Save maybe for my uncle who is able to bring up 6 children despite his weird temperament. My aunt was the loveliest and strongest woman, how did she give birth to such immature guys? *scratches head*

Doesn't take an Einstein to figure that i'm certainly in no hurry to rush down the aisle yet with the calibre of guys we have here.