i think i am still too young to be totally immune to others' comments and criticism.

When I know i am totally immune, that'll be the day i stop blogging / facebook-status-ing.

Nirvana then.

When you are the bottom trying your best to start from scratch again, and people are watching from the top casting stones down on you and adopting the wait-and-see approach, you know you just got to hold on tighter, grit the teeth and keep on climbing.

You just got to depend on your own resolve.

But it hurts the most when one of the casters is your own family member.

A day where i do not feel like headin out,,, could be the emo-ness of the time of the month..

just wanna nua n pack the room.. the new tenant moving in next week n all my toys aren't out yet..

however money is key now... so mind gotta win over heart today...

Coming back to reality

Certainly, being in the limelight for once is exhilarating, esp when it's a first-time experience.

It's lovely to hear mummy and sis proud.. and to enjoy the glam pics.. exciting to tag the neverending flow of pics in FB.. to the extent I just wasted a day away.

Time to check the emotions and come back to reality. I cannot forget what grounds me and let a mere 15 secs of fame wash me away.

It's so easy to get lost in "fame" (if u can call being featured in a New Paper article a type of fame, but seriously it's sth to smile over when u have always been pushed in the background), as all those cliche sayings go.

I enjoyed the glam. I'm happy i got to experience it first-hand.
But i feel more at ease in my big t shirt and torn shorts, spectacles and makeup-less face today, eating cai fan and drinking milo kosong with my cousin. =)

I love being Estrella Tan. I love being Shu Ling more of cos.

Life is so colourful =)

Times like this.. I know I been missing out on my me-time.

I hope I won't get the feeling that I am being used / taken advantage of, just cos I lapsed and go soft sometimes.

Hard-heartedness is needed at times for my own sanity of mind. Not peace. Just plain balance.

** Just read abt tt org's blog and found out they hired the other faci. Should I feel inadequate?

No, cos I am approaching 26 and I seriously don't have the time to dwell over unnecessary negativities that'll just dwindle my self-esteem and erase the validation i get from what i love to do.

It's their loss. They decided not to spend time to train a gal who may be weak in training workshops but has a big heart in working with children and youths nonetheless to want to overcome her hurdles. That's the big problem with alot of sw orgs in singapore. They aren't willing to spend time to train, or rather, cos of the status quo state, they cannot spare the people to train.

Still I can do it my way. I can STILL work with children and youths, as djj said, make use of your skill, what u have, to help people and have a better standard of living for yourself too.

I have my own little piece of sky now, and I will make it as blue and sunny as I can =)

another phase..

So the next phase in my journey has taken off..

I won't know the results till about 3 months later, but right now, it's going pretty well. I love my kids really. I have missed interacting with them.

And the money's looking good. I just need to be a little extra bit hardworking, but I am taking it slow and easy for now, cos I like it that way.

And next week's finally the IT fair. New MAC coming. Finally, a haven to store my thoughts and pics and memories and songs.

Cannot wait.

Ending off with 2 current fave pics from my 2 fave sites:






Colourful, stylish pics make my day=)