grateful...

With the increase in prices, the overflowing people fighting for a space with you in the morning train, the waking up every morning and wondering what the hell are you in for, it is getting increasingly difficult to remember just what you should be grateful for..

There are moments when i feel this way too.. but more and more, i'm starting to believe in the works of the greater powers up there.. the works of life. Be it karma, be it fate or destiny, i'm starting to believe there's a cause for everything.

Being in social work now, i'm grateful for the break i took 3 years back where i slowed myself down to think about what i want.

Talking to some batch mates that SW dinner night, i am grateful XXXX rejected me and let me succeed in my 2nd interview with my current job.

Remembering the hurts from the past few years, i am grateful for the friends who had pulled through with me, letting me realise who are the true friends and who are not, letting me learn the superficalities and fakeness of people while also letting me learn the sincerity and genuine-ness of others.

I am definitely more than grateful for the people who have been my pillar all these years--family.

And with all these in mind, I welcome and embrace the opportunity to meet more who'll impact my life while keeping close to heart these oldies, goldies, always and always.=)

So pictures to commemorate the beauty of Spring..



Cosy lil work corner...

One of my work scenes...

My sweet...


My pillars..

Witches in black: evening games at Pitstop post-SW Day Tea..


prettily wrapped treats from Japan, thankies to oldie good friend, xy!!


KTV Outing with SW clique.. especially heartening in the light of dissipated friendships. Even if i lose touch with them one day, i'll remember they were there once upon a time and brought many smiles to my life=)


my constants...

Giselle in the Park, Picnic under the Stars.. Beautiful...

Social Work Day dinner, mini-gathering of the batch-mates who grad tger, minus one-the guy haha.

March-April 2008 was also a period i caught up with some special friends i haven't met up in ages, my jc clique fren, Ruthie, oldie good friend, Xianyu, who just went Japan and saw sakura blossoms..super envy!! (muz muz save up for Japan!!) and Debi.. lovely catching up with these people whom i haven't seen in months but lovingly remembered and vice versa. Thanks sweeties..

And i look forward to what Summer will bring..('-*)v

I need people. But not this way.

Social Work's Day dinner

Oh yes it was great. Overwhelmingly so. and i meant that literally.

It was a sorta hit-you-in-the-face kind of shock to see soooo many of your kind packed into the same ballroom--60 tables no less. Compared to the Social Work's Day last year, this was like a blast.

I was really excited initially to see so many of my still-studying fellow social workie s there. It's seriously a great time to catch up.. to scream "Hieeeee" to those who seem to have been lost in the mountains of work social work is known for, and to those who are in the still-studying-going-to-grad phase. I was like really whooping every few minutes.. and sooo tempted to join a fellow social workie when she asked me to sit at her table.. but then.. i oso dunno why i dint.

But as the night dragged on with its less-than-impressive dishes (actually who is really there for the food anyway?), performances that were ignored as people continued to be engrossed in catching up, and the throes of people milling around, i started to get rather bewildered and really Overwhelmed. Haha. Think this is attributed to me not mingling with people for like eons.. i mean like alot alot of people.. I am not really a crowds-person.. and it comes to a point when i just feel lost. Minute-ish and then struggling to fit in.

Which is rather stupid of me i feel. Cos i forgot, i should just be myself right? The lost expression on me was not lost on others (oh come on, these people are social workers and read people like books)--why do u look so sad? who are you looking for?

Truth is, i was not looking for anyone in particular.. All these people amounted to no more than hi-byes to me... people that i know when the night ends, will return to their normal lifestyles as if the night never happens. They are a village. People we can turn to from time to time. People that have enabled me to feel warmth and a sense of belonging to in my social work study days. But yest, i felt no sense of belonging--maybe cos of the position i am--a new worker not yet familiarised totally with the company, an ex-student with many ties still left in school. neither here nor there. and i admit, i need a sense of belonging.

It was a sense of loss i felt as the night droned on--sitting at a table where i dunno 3/4 of the people.. looking on at the other side of the room where the social workies indulged in their crazy antics that only students are entitled to.

I guess, crowds really dun work for me. Missed my usual hang-out kakis where i can be myself and not dish out the necessary appropriate niceties. I need people, but not this way i guess. Even at this dinner, i just wish i had attended it with people who had made it through with me, people who i know and love well. Ah well, there's always a time for everything, so i guess i just need to learn to pull out all that i learn of social skills when the need arises.

Of course, for many, i'm sure it's a heartening occasion and will be remembered lingeringly and lovingly. It was for me, till it got too overwhelming and i just wanna run to somewhere where it's people-less (like kelong?) AH, that suits me better.

Absence from blog so long only to write another emo entry. Haiz. But then, as it's your freedom to read, so's my freedom to write. Ah well, really do wanna post pics. but den hor, today i'm lazy to wait for blogger's super slow uploading. So another time k?

Good Friday Getaway @ a Kelong, Bintan, Indonesia

It was a poetically quiet weekend for me. Away from people, the city, i took a much-needed refresher in a kelong in Bintan. Most city-landers would probably turn up their noses at the thought of staying in a spartan, dirty kelong without even the basics of modern conveniences that what an acclaimed "resort" would have. The room i was to reside in for 2 nights come simply furnished with a bug-infested bed (we actually see these little black things jump around, surprisingly we dint get any bites), a tiny sink that is even tinier than those furnished for children in public toilets, a dusty bathroom where the toilet doesn't even have an automated flush. I can just see one thousand and one city-landers turning up their noses at having to spend a relaxing weekend in this place, but i was filled with apprehension and excitement. The first day i was there, my week-long cold was instantly cured. My cluttered, narrowed mind welcomed the change in climate and surroundings. My heart and mind swam with the vast seas and skies and sands everyday. I felt so small in the vast beauty of nature, and yet so protected too.

I remember one time when I stood on the rickety planks of creaking wood, breathing in the salty sea breeze, letting the skies consume me, watching the soft ripples of the waters, and i thought, I am only like them all.. one little drop in the seas, one little blue in the shades of blues. So what does a little pea like me matter. I have become so narrow, by enlarging all my thoughts and hurts. For that split second, I felt the beauty of nature washing away my hurts for the moment, embracing me in their beauty

Nothing can describe the peace and beauty i found in the place, the pics only came so close. It was the only time i wish i was an artist, with a palette to catch the colours on canvas. Words were meaningless, so let the pics take u on the journey for now.

My Living Pad for 3 Days



The Scenes of Nature









Us








The Life








The People


I have to at least mention the people. Was sooo glad i chose the local resort to stay in. The residents are beyond nice. Hospitable and always with a ready smile or helping hand. The other side of life. The simplistic. Where a kind gesture means nothing more than that. Their impeccable service remains etched in my mind. Although we do not understand their language, we could feel the warmth behind the words. I remember the kelong-er who greeted us with a cheery Good Morning as we watched the sunrise, our BBQ cooks who cooked us a delicious last dinner, the friendly masseau, the residents picking cockles for a living. The residents reminded me of the simple kindness that is lost in the depths of city life.

Back to the City after 3 Poetic Days


Nooooo... Speed me back to the kelong, for my heart isn't back here yet

*Thanks K babe, for the wonderful recommendation to the kelong*

when it ceases to matter...

Lately I am caught in this whirlwind of past memories again... Or maybe I have never really stepped away fully from them... They are part of what made me for me today too ain't it? Or also, I have not found something rending enough to keep my mind and thoughts away from all those poignant thoughts. I think I have just come to accept that i am such a person. Sentimental enough. Dreamy enough. Once I have grasped that, thinking back to these memories, unpleasant or not, despite bringing back bittersweetness or feelings of grudge or sadness, these negative feelings come in lesser doses each time. Cos i allow them to come to me naturally. Allow them to come back to me as a form of reflectiveness, as a part of me being me, just liking to reflect and think back to those times. And it just becomes part of my daily routine. Just a part of my life, essentially meaning that it fails to overwhelm me with tears and sighs as much as in the past. Cos it is just that. Part of my daily routine.

Cos i know if i dun let the emotional baggage go, I'll never pick up the pieces in my life again. And I know I am made of stronger stuff of that. The ability to pick up and go.

Lovers to friends. Ash to dust. Life has a cycle. I just believe that in karma, we come back to square one at the end of the day. Debts will be paid. Dues returned. When one's happiness is built upon another's misery, do not expect the person's happiness to last.

Haha, okay let's leave the thoughts again to another day. I would love to share more camwhoric pictures of my happier days with you guys too..=)

**sistaz outing**

But Central Mall's super ex!! I think i will stick to my online buys!!



Delish Sizzlers' dinner with mummy...


Yummy!! I always just order the Salad Bar and it is enough to satisfy me with their array of greens, much-improved spaghetti, soups and never-ending lovely french toast.

**Lo Hei**

My family always does Lo Hei very late into CNY...
With our spread of home-cooked dishes.. and $18.80 Yusheng with lotsa ingredients!!



Huat ah!!!!!

::My "Ladies' Night" with Karrie::

No, not clubbing. *rolls eyes*. despite the dresses hahaha.. Just borrowing karrie's term of Ladies' Night. She said Wed night is always her night for catching up with her gal pals, so it's Ladies' Night. Okay there were some minor "interruption" with appearance of her bf, hahahaha, but i dun really mind cos he is one of those rare frens' bfs that i can actually converse with, talk and gossip about stuff and all. But still managed to catch up alot with Karrie babe in this Xing Wang HK Cafe in Cineleisure which she intro'ed me to. Long long meaningful talk that reminded me that even when there are those that dun understand me, there will still be someone who does. Completely. Thanks for always listening to me rant dear.. appreciate it loads.

think we really look like we are dressed for clubbing but yours truly really dun like booze, smoke or crowded sweaty bodies clamming together.

We decided to pose "chi-chi tai tai" to match our dresses that day.

Chi tai tai No. 1

Chi tai tai No. 2
The sweetie gave me a tin of home-made chocolate chip cookies which were perfectly yummy. Beauty and a talent for cooking. What more can you ask for in the perfect wife-to-be? But too bad, she's taken, and very much so.


Yummy HK food. I love my HK food and this is definitely one of the best baked rice I have eaten in one.

~Sam's Bday BBQ~

Da gal decided to hold a BBQ for her bday this year. Nice to have ppl serve you delish BBQ'ed food that you dun have to cook yourself the whole night. haha

da gals..


scrap the annoying guy out on shem's side. dunno why he's in the pic actually.


Only those present would know if the cup of vodka did fall on Sam's head eventually. Haha..


Princess Von proudly showing off her sequinned bear hp accessory which was a steal at $2.90!!

The night of crazy card games and booze-drinking (of neither i partake of) and revelations led me to realise i wasn't alone in my reminisciences of the not-too-far-off memories of just a year ago. It helps to know that, so thanks buddy.

#Sunday of fun and games#
Frowns. Not really fun and games throughout but i can't think of a better title le haha. Even after the late night of party, Von shem and i managed to crawl out of bed for a session of archery together at Tampines Safra and a movie.



Movie i would recommend for its sarcastic wit and poignant humour. Ellen Page takes my breath away again in another splendid performance after Hard Candy. Girl to watch out for in the next generation of Hollywood actresses man.

Dinner at Phin's Beerhouse Grille again.. hahahaha.. for what reason ah? *winks*

The Tiger endorser..

Relaxing in the comfy seats with Vonnie...

Super-delish Brownie Attraction. The best brownie i have eaten to date for its right texture, moisture and bitter choc sauce to take away the sickening sweetness and jelat-ness of a sugar-overloaded dessert.

I just love the way Phin's arranged their food. They can even do it to a side order. Yes, it's buffalo wings arranged in a pyramid.

Photo-less outing: goes to flo who always refuses to take pics with me. pouts. the sweet gal gave me four new pairs of shoes that day. Yipps!! Loves. Which are her impulse buys but are totally gorgeous to me. (see one pair i wore in Sam's bday BBQ) what have i done in my past life to deserve her? thankew babe, u spoil me so really.

I can't say how much i appreciate all these ppl in my life.. the reasons that remind me that despite the painful experiences that would continue to come, they'll stand by me no matter what. No matter how i become. No matter. No matter.

When it all cease to matter...

Till the next update guys.. take care!