I can und the attitudes of the youths.. given their exposure to the world and their egocentric personality at their life stage: they are superman in their world. But how about those who know better? Their actions belie their age.
I am not going to keep quiet about it and just swallow it like it's a fact of the world, even if it is. In this world. In this land.
Cos in my land, i can say however i like it, thank u very much.
1. Fucking pissed off with people who act greater-than-thou and behave like they own the entire aisle in the supermarket. It's like, hello, the supermarkets here build the aisles for the average Singaporean build and just becos they dun have the money to build u bigger ones doesn't give u the fucking right to cluck your tongue (such a childish way of showing displeasure) when someone bigger tries to cross over u and trip cos your fucking big basket which is fucking bigger than your entire body is in the way.
2. Or maybe i should aim my source of displeasure at the way the aisles are built here. It's the same as seeing a plus-size enjoying a burger. They stare at u in that incredulous manner designed to make you feel guilty that you are even considering eating a burger, becos for goodness sake, get rid of the extra burgers on your body first. Similarly, the aisles here are built to tell plus-sizes that, you just gotta muthafucking fit your body type into my aisle. Thank God for Giant Hyperstores and Hypermarkets. Not as big as Aussie or American supermarkets but still satisfactory enough.
3. Is it like we are any less healthy? For muthafucking god's sake, most are probably even healthier than those who chow down burgers and shakes like there's no tomorrow, and then they have the cheek to turn around and look at the plus-sizes, and say, why u so unhealthy? Just cos the fats dun pile on as fast cos of their Bottomless Pit stomachs (which doesn't guarantee their clean bill of health anyway). What's the real issue here? Health (which is deemed to be valued more than gold) or Slimness? Truth be told, most plus-sizes are already so guilty that their build dun fit in with the societal norm and are trying their best to do so. But u guys dun give them a break do u?
4. But the worst of all are the hypocrites. Acclaiming to be the true health freaks, sports freaks, and then condemning the plus-sizes for being, well, plus-size. What have your Health degree, Sports degree, taught u? That there's only 1 body type when it comes to health and sports-and that is the typical Figure 1 type? And does your degree encourage u to criticise, or to help?
5. Like the search to superficial beauty, enough is never enough. Ask me. I too had my fair share of princess dreams. Dreams of fitting into those clothes i used to think are the only style to go. Dreams of being slim and popular and garner attention as the queen of prom. Endless dieting, expensive gym classes, exercise routines, slimming pills, eating healthy, which still amounted to the thoughtless remarks, no encouragement, same body type and finally self-mutilation took too much of what could have a more beautiful 5 years in high school and University. The wake-up call which came in the form of a battered body (the spoilt metabolism and weak stomach) and the worries of those who truly cared no matter what body type i am, started me on the road on self-recovery and self-love. For the past 2 years, i have never truly loved myself as much as i do now. It was still a 2-year journey fraught with unkindness and remarks passed becos these people truly do not know any better, but it was a also a 2-year journey that taught me more about self-acceptance than any time. I really wasted my 5 years.
6. The journey isn't at an end. I know i still have more to learn, that i haven't fully grasped the concept of self-acceptance as i should. That remarks will still continue to hurt, but not like a dagger in all the way as in the past, but more like BB pellets that hurt for that fleeting instant and bounce off.
7. If I need any unconditional love, at least i know my doggy will give me that anyday. He's unbothered by my size since he doesn't know any better and cannot tell me how he truly feels anyway. Haha, maybe pet-lovers are like that? They just need that form of unconditional love.
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Always love myself,
Ling
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