I will still cry

CRY
Rihanna

I'm not the type to get my heart broken, im not the type to get upset and cry
cause i'll never leave my heart open never hurts me to say goodbye
relationships dont get deep to me never got that whole enough thing
and someone can say they love me truly but at the time it didn't mean a thing

my mind is gone im spinning round and deep inside my tears i'll drown
i'm losing grip what's happening i stray from love this is how i feel

this time was different felt like I was just a victim
and it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life
now i'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms
of a girl with a broken heart but no matter
what you'll never see me cry

did it happen when we first kissed cause it's hurting me to let it go
maybe cause we spend so much time and I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby maybe why im sad to see us apart
I didnt give it to you on purpose gotta figure out how you stole my heart

my mind is gone i'm spinning round and deep inside my tears i'll drown
i'm losing grip what's happening I stray from love this is how I feel

this time was different felt like I was just a victim

and it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life
now i'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms
of a girl with a broken heart but no matter
what you'll never see me cry

how did I get here with you i'll never know
and never meant to let it get so personal
and after all I tried to do to stay away from loving you
i'm broken hearted i can let you know
and i wont let it show, you wont see me cry

this time was different felt like I was just a victim
and it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life
now i'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms
of a girl with a broken heart but no matter
what you'll never see me cry

this time was different felt like i was just a victim
and it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life
now i'm in this condition and i've got all the symptoms
of a girl with a broken heart but no matter
what you'll never see me cry, all my life

********

This doesn't seem to concur with me. When i first heard the song, i feel like it's such a fighter-ish sort of song.. ya know, never cry.. but these past 2 months, even if it's one of the most stabilised periods for me, emotional-wise, i recognise that i would cry no matter what.

I would cry when i'm feeling down and alone.

I would cry when a sad show pricks my tear buds.

i would cry when someone uses harsh or angry words. (cos i blardy hate noise and quarrels)

I would cry when i'm hurt.

Although the past 2 months has been a happening period filled with happy special moments (at least for me-birthday, convo and many family moments), it has also been a period of awakening, of crying for me otherwise. Becos there are just too many things to learn and comprehend, to stress over, to be angry over, to be given a sharp awakening to, to be hurt over at one time. And what else can i do except to cry and try to pick up the pieces by myself? Everyone's just too absorbed with their own set of problems.

Well at least, i can count my blessings in having the happy family moments balance out the unhappy otherwise moments.=)

Ever since that time 3 years ago, i have never had another awakening as such till now.

At least lesson learned at this point is: I know i just gotta pick up the pieces of my heart by myself no matter what.

I just stop expecting or hoping for anyone to care enough to do so anymore. Realistically, life is just like that. And although i won't stop crying, I know I'll grow stronger with each tear as a stepping stone. I won't shed them for nothing.