Sweet.Lingering.Fantasies

2011-12-02T00:57:00.001+08:00

I dunno whether to feel happie or not. Just enjoy the moment i guess.

2011-11-22T09:20:00.001+08:00

心情 down.

淑玲，你没想象中坚强。
淑玲, 你比想象中坚强。

不同的意义，在一字之差。

2011-11-18T02:26:00.003+08:00

For eveything that I have now, I am thankful.

I want to remember every moment i feel this way and record it down.. so here i am =)

Like i was telling flo the other day, i know there's a reason why things turn out the way they are, no matter whether it was what we predicted or unplanned.

I am grateful. For my life.

2011-09-07T02:01:00.002+08:00

Feeling that super-alone feeling more than ever this period...

It makes me feel kinda glad in a way that i know nobody really reads this space anymore, not the people i know of anyway.. i think. Yet there are times i do wanna cry out for the attention. But pride and sensibility prevents me from doing so.

I always did think, my kids have no idea how lucky they are to be involved in all the stuffs they are now.. cos i have the feeling.. i'm feeling restless this way cos i dun hv enough to occupy me.

Then again, i know i shun have done tt that time... it's prolly one of the contributing factors to this feeling of super-aloneness..

I just need to work harder to keep the mind occupied. And remind myself not to do stoopiak things when i can't handle the consequences..

2011-07-26T23:08:00.003+08:00

Intense emotion overload today...

sweet smses from a couple of youths.. it's always the unexpected that touches you..

reminscient and revelation of those bittersweet memories with a close friend.. it feels good to let it out and look upon them not just as lessons learned, but to clear it within yourself too..

the story of the Prince's Tale.. the chapter in HP that always dissolves me in tears whether it is in print or picture..

Intense emotion overload today.. but i welcome every min of it =)

2011-07-11T00:12:00.001+08:00

... needs to learn to stop thinking too much. hoping too much. expecting too much.

Maybe i really dunno how the game is played. That's why i am in this confused state now of not knowing what to expect. Can i don't play games at all?

Haiz. the consequence of being born in the wrong era.

2011-03-24T01:36:00.002+08:00

I used to be a worrywart. I worry about balloons flying away even when they are wound around my wrist on strings.

I don't think much has changed since I have grown up.. still a worrywart, more than ever. Think too much.

2011-03-21T23:10:00.003+08:00

It doesn't happen often..

But it's one of those nights when I feel scarily , painfully alone.. and I am hanging onto every sms from friends like a life thread, going on a random site to seek attention.. just to give me validation for this existence and distract me a little from the painful loneliness..

So so alone.. wanna hug myself but even my arms are cold..

2011-03-05T01:00:00.002+08:00

I need to peace out.

Just Stop Thinking.

I hate it when my mind is in this obsessing drive, especially when subject of obsession isn't worth a damn minute of the obsessing.

Chin up Ling.

You know you are better than this.

On the other side of the coin, perhaps I just need to trivialize this situation.

No Big Deal.

Really?

Quote of the Day: “Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious...” Michael Stipe

I am my worst enemy, best motivator, worst nemesis, best advisor..

2010-11-12T21:01:00.002+08:00

haiz.

"Gatherings" like this make me think too much, especially about people. So-called relatives we have grown distant from, but are forced to come together obligatorily.

Made me think of the happier times, the times when things were so much easier, where laughter was aplenty and negativity, bitterness, suspicion and complaints were lesser.

The family photo we took that fateful day in 1997 now has 3 members lesser.

It is really the living who has it harder. I hope my beloved aunt and her brothers are having a nice gathering in the other dimension.

2010-11-08T01:21:00.003+08:00

There are times I wonder why the men in my family are so childish, so superficial, so immature. I mean those who are in their 40s, 50s. I mean seriously, rolls eyes.

Or the men I encountered this generation are just too spoilt or fail to understand the meaning of graciousness or chivalry simply becos they are used to being spoonfed.

I might kill for...

2010-10-05T00:31:00.006+08:00

Makeup Forever 25th anniversary Aqua Eyes Collector Set

Ahh... I'll put this on my Christmas wishing list this year and dream on about owning it. It's not available here and even if it is, it's gonna cost an arm and leg.

I fell head over heels in love with my first Aqua Eyes 7L Turquiose and splurged on 2 more: 11L Purple and 17L Pistachio. No disappointment there. Their eyeliner's gotta be one of the best out there. Lucky for me, i dint have to spend too much money experimenting in the first place thanks to good teachers at the beginning who had already done the experimenting and launched me in the right brand.

No it ain't color pencils which makes the packaging even more unique. Like the pretty colour pencils in a metallic box I used to own in kindergarten.

Imagine the experimenting I can do with this box and the different looks and alluring eyes I can come up with if I own this..

Well a girl can dream =)

2010-10-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

Self-awareness doesn't really lessen the pain.

2010-09-11T22:41:00.002+08:00

dun make me feel sadness and anger and confusion and longing and bitterness at the same time.

i hate it.

Okay. It's just me.

Pensive..

2010-09-10T00:28:00.001+08:00

Should I Stay
Dreamz FM

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I’m down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

So in luv with Katy Perry's...

2010-09-07T02:08:00.002+08:00

You think I'm pretty
Without any makeup on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the punch line wrong
I know you get me
So I let my walls come down
Down

Before you met me I was alright but things
Were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February, you'll be my valentine
Valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I, we'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like I'm living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now, baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I, we'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like I'm living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now, baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight (tonight)

You make me
Feel like I'm living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now, baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back.

I'mma get your heart racing
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight (tonight)

*********

Luving this song right now.... the kind of teenage dream tt puts me into a jumpin', crazy dancing, heart-skippin' mode and dream about the dream i been waiting all my life =D

2010-09-06T03:19:00.003+08:00

Can't believe that at 3.20am, i'm blogging about "quarter-life crisis".. which leads me to "restless life syndrome". Should i slap myself for this inanity?

REALLY.AM.FUCKIG.RESTLESS.AND.DIRECTIONLESS.THOUGH.

Tuitions.hangout.tuitions.hangout.striving to build up the finances again.

i'm missing the something elusive in my life.

The past maketh me...

2010-08-31T01:40:00.004+08:00

I was skyping with pris and showing her some old pics of my wild crazy hairstyles back then, and the words of yesteryears washed over me... the pain, hurts, happyness, joy that flowed from me then.

We are all products of our past in some ways aren't we? I am glad I am who I am now.

Dinner with flo tonight had us contemplating about the restless, bored state we are in... a stage that'll come with mid-20s, where we crave for something new, something hyped, to get us rolling again.

The experiences of yesteryears washed over me like wine, bitter and sweet at the same time. And i thank every traveller who has walked or crossed my path, whether you are still on it or not, becos YOU maketh the ME now.

Yall are welcome to visit the ol' me if you wanna. Hey, i think i was more creative and more linguistic back then, esp the 2005 and 2006 entries LOL.

http://that-piece-of-sky.blogspot.com

One particular I would like to share is the one that is in sync with my musing since re-watching The Leap Years on Okto last night and reliving the beautiful love story between Li-Ann and Jeremy (I'm sooo getting the DVD!!), and one of the things that remain unchanged about me, me as a romantic idealist. Enjoy.

Dated 16 Apr 2007
Was revising my Human Development module, reading about the different life-stages of human life, today in the National Library with sha as usual.. and then during lunch, we touched upon the topic of childhood. was initially talking about the kinds of games we used to play... Sha used to play with alot of boy's toys, like action figures, whilst i was a very girlie girl, liking my masak-masak, nursing my dolls and playing jia jia jiu, cooking pretend-food. And then we talked about the kinds of childhood playmates we had, and she shared that it could be her playing with boys that attribute to her like for rougher games and boy's toys when she was younger, but it was different for me.

Few friends, except those close ones, know that when i was very young, i hated school. I skipped the whole of nursery school year cos i cried and kicked up a fuss whenever i was brought to school, to the extent that my poor mum had to forfeit half-a-year nursery fees cos i refused to go. Kindergarten 1 was mandatory.. and yet i kicked up a fuss when i was made to attend school again. I remembered my aunt and cousin physically dragging me to the kindergarten, and i cun stop crying and struggling, and the kindergarten teachers receiving me at the door by pulling me in.

It stopped (from my cousin's account) when i met this little boy, who remained my playmate for the next 1 year or so. He was the son of the fruit-stall-cum-grocery shop owners next to my male cousin's shoe shop in Jurong East then. I used to hang out at the area alot, and i got to know him as my childhood playmate cos my cousin and the shop owners were on very good terms. He was the same age as me. He used to come over to my aunt's place alot to play too.. and i would go over to his place (which was above his parents' shop) to play. He saw that i hated school, and cried whenever i was made to go, and one day, he held out his hand, and said "Come, let me bring you to school".

For some unknown reason (according to my cousin again), ever since then, i would obediently go to school. But only if he was there to hold my hand and bring me. So for the whole of Kindergarten 1, my cousin had to transfer me to his kindergarten, tho there was one nearer my aunt's place then. I would not go to school without him. During assembly, we would sit tger. During playtime, even when the teacher split us into groups of girls and boys, playing with separate toys (the boys playing blocks and trains, the girls with cookery sets), and even with the girls surrounding me trying to make friends (probably encouraged by the teacher due to my "infamous" crying bouts initially) and play tger, and even as i gradually warm to them, my eyes would always be fixed on him, to make sure he's still there, and be comforted by his presence. And after a while, he would sometimes come over to play with me, to calm my unease. After school, we would go home separately, change, eat lunch, and come out to play tger again. When we are at the playground, he would patiently play sandcastles with me, or the swings and slides. When we are at each other's houses, we would introduce each other to the toys we have. And he would patiently play masak-masak with me too, despite being a boy. When we played with my neighbour's daughter, he would join in our girlie games as well. He was an extremely sensitive and fun playmate for his age, and brought me through my fear of school at 4-5 years old. We were innocent happy little 'uns, playing each day, carefree of the troubles of the world.

After Kindergarten 1, after my cousin saw that i had settled properly into school, she transferred me back to the Kindergarten nearer my aunt's place, and i never saw him again. I heard that his family moved away after that, and gradually we lost touch with each other. At the young age of 6 years old, i soon forgot about his existence in the joy of making other young little friends, as kids usually forgot about stuff.

I dint remember him till i ran through some old childhood photos and my cousin told me of what he had done for me, overcoming my fear of school. There were only vague memories of a botak little boy always playing tger with me when i was young, but no more.

I do wonder occasionally where he is now, and if ever one day, our paths cross again, i would want to thank him for bringing me through that part of my childhood and sharing it with me.

In the midst of my own confused feelings, i suddenly realise, this is probably why up to now, as many other friends told me too, that i'm such a romantic idealist when it comes to relationships. Because he once laid that foundation for me when i was just 5 years old.

My childhood friend and i...

2010-08-28T01:40:00.002+08:00

Getting bored with the state of things. Cynical. Restless. Down. Angry. Frustrated. Helpless. Hands tied.

Could be the time of the month speaking. Could be that one. single. incident. Could be that the princess in me is disillusioned after her rose-tinted glasses are removed.

Though Little Red Riding Hood is still thankful to the angel who led her away from the jaws of the Big Bad Wolf.
Though Snow White is still thankful for her dwarves who are watching and are concerned for her.
Though Giselle probably needs to fall into a few realities before she meets her Robert.

This week, I am just a v v confused and lonely and restless soul and is counting on the energy of my kids to bring forth the warrior in me. To push on.

Beautifully confused..

2010-08-24T21:41:00.002+08:00

I can only trust my guardian angels to bring me through..

2010-08-05T23:44:00.003+08:00

There are times when you are young and naive and feel like a young kid, and times of epiphany where you learn sth new about himself.

True, sometimes the truth can be biting, or evoke people to pull up their defenses, but these 2 days, i really appreciate how 2 of my angels put it in perspective for me.

These are the times I would learn sth new abt myself.

1) I can be very fixated on something ( u can find a nice word for it - loyal, devoted ) but truth is, I am fixated, and i can be too stubborn to consider other options at times. Note to self: must learn to open up and consider other viewpoints.

2) I am easily influenced by people's opinions. Until i get a clearer pic / see / know the circumstances better, then only is my stand more affirmative. Now this is v true. I like to say I listen to all sides of story, but truth is, (1) would come into play and I would be influenced tt way.

These 2 realisations make me realise how unfair i have been to 2 such ppl who crossed my path, and suddenly, my negative feelings are gone. I just wanna put them down, and you know how relieving that is? tt burden of putting down the feelings? I only hope these 2 ppl see and feel the jiayou msg i have given them and we can start on a fresh slate of sorts. Even if they have no desire to, I can say, from the bottom of my heart, i sincerely wish them well.

The next time, I will have to remember not to be so fixated and learn to make my stand clearer on things. it's gonna take practice but hey! I am a lucky gal, as piglet points out, i have my angels to guide me.

Signing off,
Princess Ling

P.S. KD babe (one of the abovementioned angels) told me to mention this, She said through my recommendation, she finally found the lippie color she been hunting for yrs.. woohoo small achievement for this amateur on makeup. It's the Vivaglam Lady Gaga lippie. I looooove it to bits the color (thanks fenggy!!) and using it pretty frequently, I was wearing it when i saw p sch crush tt nite (blushes).

Just for laughs: However the silly gal wen to Bobbi Brown to ask for the lippie and got scolded for the boo-boo. muahaahhahaa.

2010-08-05T02:48:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time since those emo updates.. But a good sign isn't it? (also attributed to the fact that e time of the month is over and positive ions are happily floating in my body now)

Had a relatively good week. Chatted with KD in her shoppe, Nic for high tea (atas boy tt one), Piglet for dinner n chillout time n a little late night shoppin'. i bought shooooesss.. nv used to be this nutsss over shoes but i was actually examining all the shoe shops there were in iluma. Happy with a pair of sandals (a design i had before but it broke and i wanted to go back to buy lucky they still hv =)) and a pair of bling pumps.. and at discountsss!! i love sales.

And i think i saw my p sch crush todayyy.. *blushes*. I'm not too sure if it is him though, cos i mean, it's been yearssssss..

But if it's him, he does look good. there's just sth about a man in corporate wear. haha.

ahhh,,, the simplicity of childhood...

i shall put it out to the universe as prissy taught me and hope i find my sandcastle prince soon =)

Vanity

2010-07-29T23:34:00.005+08:00

Just 1/2 a year ago, I blanched at the thought of putting no more than my basic skincare on my face. I was all about "Good skin is the Key of all". I just need good skin!! Of cos i was still getting comments on how tired I always looked.

6 months on.. from nothing..

To this..

And this..

And this.

I put like 7 stuffs on my face nowadays just for foundation: my basic 3 skincares (Cosme Decorte's Moisture Liposome and Mositurizer, Kose's Sekkisei), Sunblock, followed by Makeup Forever's HD Primer, Paul & Joe's Liquid Foundation, then set it off with Makeup Forever's Microfinish Powder.

Yup, that's a total of the 7 stuffs I put for skincare and foundation alone. And I haven't even gotten to putting in the colours (eyeshadow, blusher, lippie)

Dun faint now haha.

It all started with that fateful photoshoot in Feb:

the one where my sistaz tell me i finally look like their older sis, and how i got admiring glances from passers-by (there was this guy checking me out in Coffee Bean.. blush blush) and how i realise i can look really good with makeup.

Fenggy started making me up every time I go out for dates with my gfs and family.. i like her touch..

Then all the glam events..

Credits to these lovelies:

the gal who intro-ed me to Makeup Forever and got me my "starter kit" : brushes, color palette and Makeup Forever of cos.

the lady who did all my glam events makeup

the gal who did my eyeliner one night and it's the one time tt dint smudge!

my lovely makeup-crazy sisters.. the next time i go makeup shopping with them in Taiwan, i'll be able to appreciate it better than last year =) and it helps in sister-bonding heh.

wads next?

To build on my skills of cos. My Makeup Forever-crazy gal is reprimanding me for not knowing how to draw my eyes properly. oopz..

So welcome the world of makeup to my world.. Behold all these bottles and potions of magic.

2010-07-26T01:56:00.002+08:00

oh it has been a fun, and exciting, and crazy, and expensive 2 weeks..

however i am glad for the friends and bonds formed in this journey.. and as i settle down from the high, i look forward to the next stage,,

me-time first however, and of cos, getting the room in order.. =)

2010-07-18T11:14:00.002+08:00

Wanted to remember yest in these 2 incidents..

1) An ang moh stranger saw me outside during intermission and act stopped to tell me i have his note of confidence n he feels i will win and i looked fab onstage. V touching though i dint win anything, i felt i have my own "supporter" from the public ya know?

2) Prissy babe was telling my mummy backstage abt my good qualities, haven't been praised like tt and it really brought tear to my eyes..

2010-07-14T12:07:00.002+08:00

Needs to give free flow to her tears...

Sigh, it could be the time before the time of the month that my yoyo emotions are outta control.

all the pent-up emotions that I have been trying to contain within me. Telling myself it's okay, finding explanations for all the ingrates, finding explanations for my neglected state, finding explanations to why people forget, don't respond etc, yoyo-ing back to feeling guilty cos there are other people who are more tired than me, who have done so much.. i feel like i could go nuts u know.

Much as i wanna go, oh, don't say so much. So-and-So is too busy. So-And-So is too tired. But ultimately at the end of the day, it seriously doesn't take that much to dial a few numbers, press a few characters, to send a message or call that would just make the person's day.

I have always been conscious in knowing how special days mean to people, and how a message or call can make a difference. But ultimately at the end of the day, i find that not all people feel the same way.

I gotta stop giving so much if i find that i am tired of giving and expecting something back in return. In all honesty, we will expect some people to remember and give back one. And i don't think it's a big thing to expect that someone more special in your life than others to be there.

I am tired. I know i need to stop being so intense and be more frivolous.. But it's so tiring.. esp when u start comparing.. esp when suddenly, sprouts more people that share the special day with u in the same month. shit there i go again.

Just let the tears flow for now and all and all be fine tomorrow, later, whatever.

i need to indulge in something other than people.

2010-07-14T11:33:00.003+08:00

It's all about effort isn't it?

Efforts efforts efforts. Thoughts thoughts thoughts. Decisions decisions decisions.

Cannot wait for this month to be over.. Much as I wanna focus on the ones who have been truly thoughtful to me, I cannot help thinking, what an another neglected special day(s).

I need to get away from this all and focus on the positive ions. Like badly.

2010-07-12T23:34:00.002+08:00

It's sad la.

I need to convince myself it aint all my fault all the time. But times like this, I really wonder if all the glam is worth the heartbreak.

and i also wonder, am i such a terrible person that some people i tot would remember forget about my bday, the day i have umpteenth times mentioned here that i feel should be tt one special day in everyone's life that the person shd be made to feel special?

But then again, are YOU a real friend if you are unable to stand by me in these times?

I know my core has not changed. I may be older, more jaded, but my core remains.

But as friends leave as the years go by, the doubts will creep back into my mind. esp in these milestones.

I shd just focus on the ones who survived the milestones shun i? (xoxo to flo and grace and zt here)

ying used to say i have damn suay luck in choosing frenz,, i used to vehemently rebut that but as the facts lay out for themselves, it is true.

at the end of the day, i just need a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.

at the end of the day, i should just stop harping on these unworthy people and give thanks for the pillars in my life.

The effect of werewolves and toys

2010-07-09T00:59:00.002+08:00

To watch the toys' bond on the big screen and then empathise with Jacob's anguish were such heart-rending experiences. Oh i am glad for the movie marathon today.

"You don't know how much I wish that is enough"

"The Clawww... "

awwww... to be touched to tears then to be wrung by Jacob's words... the emotions are really drained for them tonight.

i need a pair of wolfy-warm arms around me and a chance to love my Sylvanian toys all over again.

2010-07-07T14:46:00.002+08:00

i was just tidying my wardrobe when a sudden epiphany occurred to me. There is a reason why the higher powers up there has put me where i am now - i'm talking about in terms of my choice of career. It may be a struggle now, but it is only the beginning.

It's like how i can connect with some people and can't with others. Had I got into the organization in April, I may have been miserable becos i can't connect with the people there, and it would be back to square 1, counting on my love for my children and youths to survive another miserable period.

I STILL get to do what i love now, and I have my peace of mind.

I am a blessed girl.

2010-07-07T14:16:00.004+08:00

The beginning of a friendship between 2 like-minded souls is something i have not experienced for a long time. Blessings like this are scant, and i whole-heartedly embrace every single one tt comes into my life.

A late night chat over bottles of coke in Labrador Park, listening to the waves whispering, watching the brightly lit distant islands, and just absorbing the "wealth of water" (in her own words), was therapeutic and soothing in the midst of our busy weeks.

I look forward to more.

2010-07-06T02:08:00.003+08:00

a good bowl of chashu ramen @ miharu's and dessert at Laurent B*** @ Robertson Quay with my healing balm starts my week right.

i love u g. for just listening and not passing judgement and pampering me... xoxo

Have come to the age where a handful of such cherished companions just do for me. U see? i'm so easily satisfied =)

2010-07-04T23:43:00.002+08:00

was so emotionally strung-up last week, was just grateful for the kind compliments from a beauitful gal, and floooooo's company today. thank heavens we are so ageddd (like red wine, white wine in flo's words) that we are "beyond doubts".

Times like this, i just need those few who und me to surround me and pass me the positive vibes.

it's gonna be another full-on busy week ahead....

Happy Birthday to me?

2010-07-01T21:05:00.004+08:00

Just wanna have a simple fun day out today with family since it is the first time in 3 years i don't have to work on my birthday.

Dun think it's alot to ask for, but the sucky weather, complaints, black unhappy faces and plain thoughtlessness just finally proved too much for me, even if i was willing to smile and coddle just to keep the peace.

Can't I just be given a day off to call it my special day, my own?

I definitely need my me-time soon.

2010-06-29T12:44:00.002+08:00

i think i am still too young to be totally immune to others' comments and criticism.

When I know i am totally immune, that'll be the day i stop blogging / facebook-status-ing.

Nirvana then.

2010-06-25T22:04:00.002+08:00

When you are the bottom trying your best to start from scratch again, and people are watching from the top casting stones down on you and adopting the wait-and-see approach, you know you just got to hold on tighter, grit the teeth and keep on climbing.

You just got to depend on your own resolve.

But it hurts the most when one of the casters is your own family member.

2010-06-24T07:04:00.002+08:00

A day where i do not feel like headin out,,, could be the emo-ness of the time of the month..

just wanna nua n pack the room.. the new tenant moving in next week n all my toys aren't out yet..

however money is key now... so mind gotta win over heart today...

Coming back to reality

2010-06-22T02:33:00.002+08:00

Certainly, being in the limelight for once is exhilarating, esp when it's a first-time experience.

It's lovely to hear mummy and sis proud.. and to enjoy the glam pics.. exciting to tag the neverending flow of pics in FB.. to the extent I just wasted a day away.

Time to check the emotions and come back to reality. I cannot forget what grounds me and let a mere 15 secs of fame wash me away.

It's so easy to get lost in "fame" (if u can call being featured in a New Paper article a type of fame, but seriously it's sth to smile over when u have always been pushed in the background), as all those cliche sayings go.

I enjoyed the glam. I'm happy i got to experience it first-hand.
But i feel more at ease in my big t shirt and torn shorts, spectacles and makeup-less face today, eating cai fan and drinking milo kosong with my cousin. =)

I love being Estrella Tan. I love being Shu Ling more of cos.

Life is so colourful =)

2010-06-20T01:15:00.004+08:00

Times like this.. I know I been missing out on my me-time.

I hope I won't get the feeling that I am being used / taken advantage of, just cos I lapsed and go soft sometimes.

Hard-heartedness is needed at times for my own sanity of mind. Not peace. Just plain balance.

** Just read abt tt org's blog and found out they hired the other faci. Should I feel inadequate?

No, cos I am approaching 26 and I seriously don't have the time to dwell over unnecessary negativities that'll just dwindle my self-esteem and erase the validation i get from what i love to do.

It's their loss. They decided not to spend time to train a gal who may be weak in training workshops but has a big heart in working with children and youths nonetheless to want to overcome her hurdles. That's the big problem with alot of sw orgs in singapore. They aren't willing to spend time to train, or rather, cos of the status quo state, they cannot spare the people to train.

Still I can do it my way. I can STILL work with children and youths, as djj said, make use of your skill, what u have, to help people and have a better standard of living for yourself too.

I have my own little piece of sky now, and I will make it as blue and sunny as I can =)

another phase..

2010-06-06T15:26:00.003+08:00

So the next phase in my journey has taken off..

I won't know the results till about 3 months later, but right now, it's going pretty well. I love my kids really. I have missed interacting with them.

And the money's looking good. I just need to be a little extra bit hardworking, but I am taking it slow and easy for now, cos I like it that way.

And next week's finally the IT fair. New MAC coming. Finally, a haven to store my thoughts and pics and memories and songs.

Cannot wait.

Ending off with 2 current fave pics from my 2 fave sites:

Colourful, stylish pics make my day=)

Heaven has a role for us all

2010-05-22T01:19:00.001+08:00

天生我才必有用

i gotta believe that the route I am choosing is right.

All these months of waiting, speculating, deliberating, doubting,

I am finally embarking on the next phase.

Wish me luck.

The Little Joys..

2010-05-13T01:01:00.000+08:00

There is always a little joy after a downpour..

I am a happy girl today. No matter what they say, it's true.. the rainbow, the air is always better after the rain, the downpour.

It's nothing much to shout over, but i am just happy that after the past few weeks of self-doubt, self-declared suayness and restlessness, today's events brought a little smile to my face and a little skip in my step.

The Korean twins were lovely for their first lesson, and i rediscovered my joy in being with kids with them. Ending on a good note, I went to buy my dinner and amidst all the closing stores, found that Edo Sushi is having 50% off their sushi before closing. I had a wonderful dinner of my fave salmon sushi at only 3bucks. Received a call which would pay me 100bucks for a 1.5hr focus grp discussion this sat. A little extra cash in the pocket.

Simple little things that make me happy. But I think the joy is felt more today because of the negativity of the past few weeks. The worries. It may still be a far off route to my final destination but for now, I am a happy gal. And I will enjoy it as long as it lasts=)

2010-05-07T02:53:00.002+08:00

I quote Piglet:

Part of knowing what u want is to know what you have to give up.

So true.

And i do want a better standard of living.

Much as I know I wanna work with children and youths, however the sector only pays u enough such that one 吃不饱饿不死.

And what about the rising costs of living? i wanna a nice place when i'm 35, be able to afford my car before 30, fulfil my materialistic desires.. in short, i wanna be a glam gal.

So I gotta stop sitting on my laurels and do sth about this waiting-around situation for a job to land in my lap.

I gotta create chances for myself.

I hope my next plan of action succeeds..

2010-04-30T22:39:00.002+08:00

It is difficult sometimes, when you know what you want and you try to relate it but people choose to dismiss u or don't give u the chance.

I guess at the end of the day, everyone is just selfish, taking care of their own interests.

Pop. Culture. Afternoon.

2010-04-27T22:27:00.005+08:00

OMG. I'm totally in love with popcultureafternoon. Liz's style is totally to-die-for. I love her effortless way in pulling simple understated pieces today. Very chic, and her vintage pieces.. *faintz*

I have picked some of my fave pics of her here..

p.s. on the job search front, sac dint get back to me. But i have moved on. Like sha babe said, we aint young any longer.. and i cannot afford to rest on my laurels.. i gotta keep moving.. so i already got another work site and training lesson visit fixed for next week.. hope all goes well.. *fingers crossed*

i only wish ppl would stop asking me how is it going? why so long the delay? isn't it easy to find jobs in my field? I mean, my life isn't just about all this. I'm sure there are other topics to talk abt.. Plus interviewers are irritating enuff.. asking the same ques.. IF the job is so fab, why would i wanna leave? of cos there are reasons involved. And i'm sure u dun wanna me to talk badly of my prev employer right? This is basic courtesy.

But i guess it's hard for ppl in SG not to harp on this.. i mean it's ALL their lives. It's the only means too, where dreams can be fulfilled.

I need the money. To fulfill my dreams. And i am doing something about it. 'nuff said.

2010-04-12T03:21:00.003+08:00

There are times i wonder why i chose to do social work (yep one of these emo times) when it requires interacting with ppl, advocating for ppl and basically great interaction and conversation skills. Then i remember, it isnt just all that. It's about making a difference to just one indiv's life, and i like how great that feeling feels. I rem the very first time, my p6 teacher talked to me, she was telling me how this classmate of mine wrote in one of our activities (personal sharing), that she feels better after talking to me and hearing my advice, and it made me feel good u know? it makes me feel like this is sth i could do.

(of cos theres also the fact SIA dun accept plus size gals, but tts beside the point haha)

So why oh why do i feel so inadequate, so out of place, or in piglet's words, "sticking out like a sore thumb" in this past week or so? I felt like everything i had learned, and experienced in the 2 yrs of studying and 2 yrs of work are like all thrown out again? And i'm being programmed to learn sth new (Perhaps this is why these few days 'Bad Romance' is on repeat mode on my playlist:go read The Vigilant Citizen's take on this video about being conditioned: it's apt). Like what i have done before doesn't seem to apply here. Like the little things i do doesn't seem to count. For eg, cos the students at the camp were tired and prolly not prepared to hear u rattle on, so i gave them lil postix to jot down their tots to 2 simple ques i gotta debrief on: my tot was i already done the debrief and i dun wanna repeat it over), then when i had to share during the facis' debrief, it's like.. inadequate or extra u know? Like my questions wasnt the way they wanted. Ok they were right, the journey is crafted in a way that each student had a diffnt takeaway, but why do i have to feel so extra doing it? i just wanted it to be comfy for the students, or have i been wrong?

I wish i would stop bothering with nitties gritties as such.

I love the time spent with the students (of cos some not all, i just dun think its possible that u could connect with all), i love joking and laughing with the gals, deep sharing with a couple gals, talking to some boys (somehow boys in the East side are like abit diffnt from what im used to in the North: a lil less judgmental, and i feel generally more relaxed).. i enjoy these little interactions. So why do i feel so inadequate in front of the adults? Like i cant connect even on a basic social level at all.

And i hate how the inadequacies made me doubt myself, the work i do. Or worse, spillover. I am awkward, quiet then. I know new environments will require adjusting to, getting used to, and i know once im past this stage, i'll be fine. But before that comes, i'm awkward, clumsy and stuck out like a sore thumb.

The only time i rem i wasnt like this was my time at ocbc (could be my haircut then tt gave me courage haha) or it could be when i'm with ppl who are less rah-rah, i'm naturally more open and confident. So why oh why does it have to be this way after tt?

There are quiet ppl ard too. This other faci, she's quiet too..... Okay STOP comparing already! See what i mean when i say i feel inadequate? I know i am not this way usually and i do have my own confidence in some areas, like working with girls and accessories.

I felt i have done to the best of my ability but why is this not internalised within me?

I was reading ohsofickle's blog and she wrote sth that struck a chord with me again:

I have to sleep but the thoughts, they'll keep running through my mind. Might do something stupid. So even though i was prolly 1 KM away from home, i got the uncle to turn back and headed to Nana. There, I felt weird. Out of place. With familiar faces around but none i know personally or talked to before. Sat there. Quietly. Joined in their lil drinking games and then i walked away...Hate the shy side of me. The side of me that can't seem to get along with anyone new.

And i tot she was one of the most outgoing and sociable gals with her truckload of friends. Maybe she is, but i think it does take common ground to really connect and be friends.

Like me with my babes. Like me with my gals talking abt boys and accessories and toys. Like me with sensitive boys talking abt abit more emo stuff.

This was one week of self-doubt, feeling inadequate and my esteem plunging a little. OR it could be a week of learning another side of me, of me needing to improve constantly. And it could be emo hormones too (my da yi ma coming, i feel sorry for piglet who have to endure my random smses when i'm emo, but her logical thinking is my best remedy. And of cos lovely sha who came down after work one day to acc me and flo for the company and advice too). The question is: Can I self-talk my way out of this?

After this week, i got to pick up the fallen pieces and tell myself this ISN'T all my life and convince myself of my strengths and remember the good work i done before again. Pretty tiring u know? i seem to be doing it all my life. I wonder when it'll ever end. When the bullets will stop penetrating my heart.

The only thing i know now is : i need validation for my work. I need the verbal n physical praise.

2010-04-09T00:17:00.003+08:00

i just wrote a facebook email reply to linnea the great and i can't help but say this:

i miss working with my best partner and i miss the bitching days with piglet at xxx.

i hate the whole having to get-to-know-u-and-be-friendly thgie all over again.

Is....?

2010-04-06T23:04:00.002+08:00

It is only the second day and i am feeling v v tired already.

And i am not even sitting in the office doing my planning cos i am not officially hired yet. (and i have my doubts i will be, cos when i am in the office yest, there were another 2 interviewees coming in for interview. Although i hrd they do not have the experience, still studying or just grad, but they may be cheaper to hire.

I dunno. I dun want to think about that first.

I just wanna think. Is this wad i wanna?

I am once again facing the crossroads, and this time, limitations of finances and job oppties out there is pressing me to make the decision. (unless i really do not get hired in the end) Fast.

If i still have a few K in my account balance, i think i can still afford to wait it out. But i dun. I need to build it all up again. And i am going to be 26 soon, with no finance buildup.

I dun want it this way.

I really like the oppties this job can offer me. the training oppties. the chance to really make my own mistakes and learn, as i have experienced it yest. This is something i did not have the chance to in my prev job, where i am picked up before i am even allowed to fall down. And i fully stand by the "the best way to learn is by falling down".

But i dunno if this is the work i wanna do. Sure, the training oppties are aplenty, and the way they enforced their teaching methods is v different and more results producing. and this is certainly a good chance to beef up my public speaking.

But i dun just wanna do training and workshops. And a little honesty here, i do hate camps.

I want to do counselling too. And i dunno how much this organization will give me. or if they will even give me at all.

Planning for a 2hour session is already taking its toll on me, i cant imagine how planning for a full day workshop is gonna be like.

Dun get me wrong. I think workshops are beneficial in their own ways, it's just that i dun endorse them, or rather, i do not enjoy running workshops cos i always feel i tend to miss ppl out, or that the effects i released isnt beneficial for all. I enjoy my small group counselling and indiv counselling cos i feel each child is so different and unique and i can do much more.

But i havent been getting what i wanna- have applied for children's home and p sch csllg but not successful. And i neeed a job.

The other way i look at it is, if i do eventually nab the job, i can make use of the training fund to beef up on my counselling skills which would be beneficial to me in the next organization i join.

that sounds like a good idea doesn't it? then i just gotta tough it out in the meantime.

This is wad happens when u know u gotta count on urself for everything. when there isnt a trust fund or plan u can depend on.

But i know i will eventually do it. I have been growing stronger year by year, and this is just gonna be another hurdle i gotta get through.

If i do not nab the job, then i gotta think of my next plan of action. fast.

If i have my own way, i would be a rich socialite. Or a talented fashion designer designing my own line and having a boutique.

But i just gotta stop with all these pipe dreams and be realistic. or when i save enuff money, probably the latter can still come true for me=)

chanting: I am young and i still have energy.. i am young and i gotta push on...

Buddha's story on anger

2010-02-19T00:35:00.004+08:00

There are times I get v angry (read prev post) and wish that I can rise above it all. After all, I should be learning how to contain my emotions better. Found this story online that inspired me:

The Buddha explained how to handle insult and maintain compassion.

One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. "You have no right teaching others," he shouted. "You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake."

Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man "Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?"

The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, "It would belong to me, because I bought the gift."

The Buddha smiled and said, "That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger.

If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you.

You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself."

"If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy. But when you love others, everyone is happy."

The young man listened closely to these wise words of the Buddha. "You are right, o Enlightened One, "he said. "Please teach me the path of love. I wish to become your follower."

The Buddha answered kindly, "Of course. I teach anyone who truly wants to learn. Come with me."

2010-02-16T02:03:00.003+08:00

ANGRY!!

gonna ventilate in my private space already.. anw i gonna use all the fuck shit damn and nabeh words i can use cos this is MY space anyway and not many ppl really reads it anyway so i can ventilate till i am happy!! Even by a "suay" stroke of luck got the ppl i'm targetting reading it, better still, cos they deserve it.

The annual CNY commentary begins again but i'm definitely shocked this year by the unbelievable immaturity of certain male cousins despite them being married and one being a father. How can they make such hurtful and inane childish comments? hello, wake up ur idea already!!

I was expecting the usual "you are fatter" stuff. It's unavoidable and i dun deny it. I am fatter so what? This year even more best. Still got comments like "Plus size contest is to make oversize ppl feel better".. WTF? ur wife is putting on weight too. and fat ppl put on weight does not necessarily equate to eat more. There's medical conditions that enable some ppl to put on and lose weight. So lucky are those who lose weight and dun get said "u r greedy". Those who put on weight are unlucky la? Grow a brain!!

Why was i skinnier in my sec sch days and put on weight increasingly over the years? That's becos i was stupidly impressionable in my adol years and stupidly believe thinness=beauty and hence abused my body by only eating one meal a day. When i started eating normally like 3 meals a day, i put on weight, and tt began in Sec 4. I DID NOT EVEN FUCKING EAT MORE. I just ate normally. Dun give me the crap about indulgences and cravings. I had the average kind of indulgences and cravings as an average human being, most of the times even less. Stimes my slim friends even complain i eat too little, have a small appetite... that brings me to the next pt..

As i grow older, my appetite grew smaller.. however my weight just piles on. There was even a period in uni where I would get so worried over the weight gain i fucking went to the gym 4-5 times a week and took slimming pills. oh the money i wasted. I even swam everyday. Still, i continued to gain weight. These cousins said must be got to do with my diet. Hello, i exercised and i ate normal 3 meals.

Becos of the abuse i subjected my body, i suffered the conseq starting in JC. I had gastric and bloating problems and there were times i cun eat, but i still cont'ed to put on weight. I would have stomach flu and food poisoning, and unlike the normal indiv who loses weight, i nv lost a single kg. Depression set in and i even cut myself when these relatives made more comments about weight gain. However finally, all the medical problems really scare me and gave me a wake-up call, along with the chatitising of those who really cared for my health not my weight.

I stopped trying to lose weight and just learn to be happy with myself. But these ppl wun let up. They dun know a fricken thing about what happened in those years of my battered body and spirit. So they ASSUMED.

Fucking smart alecks. Did i forget to add superficial inane beings?

These days, i'm happier and more accepting of myself but these ppl hasn't changed since my sec school days, which is like 10 years ago.. I have moved on but their perception of thin=beauty still sticks. Stimes i wanna laugh out loud when i think about what they think, it's okay to be ugly but not fat. Fucking funny la.

Open your eyes and look out to the society out there idiots. Your age does not belie your maturity.

I am plus size but I am a healthy plus sizer. And i'm gonna throw this in your face. I'm an independent plus sizer. Even when not working, I dun think of asking my parents for pocket money and give me handouts. I survive on my savings. but u can't even afford to pay for your own wedding and education and even dates. Who's the real loser here? HAHAHA.

I really had alot more to say tonight but the environment (with kids around) is seriously not suitable. Plus i'm thinking for your pride. If u have any.

Then also, i felt even more angry thinking of the inane comments made to hurt my cousin. About how it's all her fault her bro is estranged from her. That coming from the mouth of another inane male cousin. Her own bro. How she does not invite said bro-in-question to the yearly gatherings. BTW, said bro-in-question prevents his son from keeping in touch with us after listening to his wife that we are all out to curse their family. WTF right. If you really wanna do some good, then why dun u do the inviting? And mend the bridges between them? Some people really dun check their brains before they open their mouths to speak. And said cousin is a father for heaven's sake. He has beautiful daughters that i hope would not be contaminated by him.

I just have to be content in the knowledge that like my cousin says, Every family has their own set of difficulties. Even though i continue to wonder, why are the men in my families so childish and immature for their age? Save maybe for my uncle who is able to bring up 6 children despite his weird temperament. My aunt was the loveliest and strongest woman, how did she give birth to such immature guys? *scratches head*

Doesn't take an Einstein to figure that i'm certainly in no hurry to rush down the aisle yet with the calibre of guys we have here.

2010-01-03T23:44:00.002+08:00

I enjoy the destress writing offers me, the avenue where i can vent and it cannot answer me back, abit like talking to Bibi, but of cos he comes with emotions as well.

I'm actually pretty sick of people recently, and this is one sentiment considering that i dun even have a lot of friends to begin with, and i dun even go out with alot people.

Or maybe, i could just be sick of facing people cos i dunno how to face myself lately.

I'm feeling like a dishrag of late, mopping up the sick and vomit people (not necessarily direct at me) throw at me recently, and i'm tired of discerning.

I'm confused cos i feel like my values about friendship have been trodden too much in the dirt lately, as if the way I communicate and interact and let friends into my life is all wrong.

And it does not help that in SOME instances (not all), this has been proven right. And in my effort to be more wary, i just keep to myself again.

it's fucking unhealthy i know it and i dun like it.

i wish my values would stop being questioned and i would be proven right, like, given the green light through all the stages.

i'm sad and i feel like crying and shouting it out and complain/whine to someone but i know it is no use and i dun have such a person i can totally trust my emotions with anyway so i just turn to this only avenue, hoping that i can sort my feelings this way.

And channelling all my energies into finding a good-paid job cos i need security in something and i think the only security i can derive from now is cold hard cash.

Sad but true, cos, who dun need money? at least this period taught me about this. I dun blame people for not being more understanding of my financial limitations (unlike Y who feels they should pay for me knowing my situation - now that's another point of argument) becos money is a sensitive issue afterall and i am not her. My friends are not hers. They do not have to pay for me. I keep convincing myself this and yet, her accusatory tone still rings loud and clear. sigh.

I'm glad in a way this happened cos it gives me the motivation to find a job asap so i dun have the reason to bum around for too long. Cos when my finances run low, my panic increases and I would feel the urge to wanna up the bank balance.

i have to keep reminding myself that nobody has any reason to give my grief over the things i do and choose not to do but its damn hard ya. Cos i'm still struggling not to let these same people affect me the way they do. I was not born the just-do-it-and-just-let-it-go way and i should not be forced to be cultivated like that.

I really think i'm better off as a hermit at times. Since i'm feeling slighted and misunderstood so often, it doesn't seem people are v good for me eh? Days of meditation in a isolated valley suddenly sounds like a whole lot appealing.

In the meantime, whilst i still survive here, i can make these few NY resolutions:

1. Continue cultivating the independence,
2. Scream a bit more and
3. Expect very little, to the point of zilch, especially of people i care for the most. (cos then the disappointment is a whole lot lesser)

2010-01-03T02:21:00.001+08:00

greatly saddened and angered by some things happening at home.

i hope i will find it in me to stand up.

Colormekatie

2009-12-29T00:57:00.006+08:00

My blog posts lately are sounding too sombre, and i like to balance the negative and positive feelings on this blog=).. Just wanna share a blog that has caught my eye lately with its happy vibrancy.

http://colormekatie.blogspot.com/

It's a crazy colorful and euphoric blog that just inspires happy and creative thoughts every time i visit it.

Here are some of the artist (katie)'s artwork..

Do visit her blog for your daily dose of colorful happiness=)

Inane and Inept

2009-12-25T14:59:00.004+08:00

I hate it when people come to my house with an ulterior motive, such as asking my mum for handouts. And hello, it is not even a one-time off thg..

It is like, some people in my family, just expect help and expect my mum to give it.

I know my mum is a good and generous person, a good mother, daughter, friend, wife, sister.. but so? Do they always have to take advantage like that?

And i know they do not just visit out of goodwill, out of "concern" for my mum. It's simply asking for handout lor, and I LOOK DOWN ON THEM, especially when it's a man.

If my mum can survive and bring up her 3 daughters on her pay, i don't see why these people can't.

No money, strict wife, blah blah blah reason, then just ask for handout. very easy lor. I despise it.

Even for myself, i dun even ask my mum to give me money just cos i'm not working. Becos that is my problem. And i should not even be asking for money at this age. What more these so-called elders?

As i grow older, i become more sure of what i wanna, and i definitely do not want to land in a marriage where my husband would be depending on me financially.

Sad to say, i'm surrounded by women who are definitely more financially capable than men. Or then, their men in the families actually look after the families.

My motivation in staying single is growing stronger by the way. Dun come and tell me it's law of nature to find a partner. IS it law of nature for a man to ask a woman for a handout? Is it law of nature to expect the woman to provide for the family?

I'll much rather take care of myself in that sense.

Not forgetting my mum of cos. She had better lead a better nextlife else there's seriously no more laws of nature in this universe.

Boiling fucking mad but gonna channel these energies to looking for a good-paid job that'll enable me to live out my dreams.

Just so that my blog doesn't look so dead...

2009-12-08T22:58:00.006+08:00

...not that i think there are still people checking here.. but I do like my outlet for writing every now and then. Even though there's Facebook to connect with the world out there, you just can't replace the satisfaction of writing with it. Anw Facebook is more like a social networking place, to know people how in you are, which places u been to, but don't exactly offer you a place to write. (i think the "Notes" tab is pretty redundant, so to speak)

I seriously been reliving those days when i was on a break from uni, and i'm pretty glad i made this decision to take a break. Was asked today if my morale is low or am i panicky from lack of response from job hunt. Panicky.. only abit of cos. Finance still impt mah. But morale not low, cos i think the waiting period is expected. If some beings stop making me feel guilty (haiz) or useless, i can honestly say that i really am enjoying this break.

So pics! with the ohsofab LX3! (thanks to ying!)

a late night movie and snack @ Coffee Bean's with sistaz.. oooh hot chocolate with marshmallows floating on top! So my fave season!

mum's company walkathon for charity.. one of the few exercises done in my break. i shd really get my fatass moving like some swimming but its not moving!! Motivations!!

Yinghui's gothic-mystery-cute themed wedding.. caught up with some SC gals and it was a great wedding lunch overall.

This is my laptop's wallpaper now! it's so hard to find nice pics of the Cullen family cos the focus is always on Edward, whom i dun think is the handsomest anyway. Carlisle is the most handsome (his name is so roll-the-tongue sexy too, think i'll name my future-son-if-i-have-one Carlisle) and Alice is the prettiest. Though in this pic, everyone looks changed (new look for new series?) and Carlisle dun actually look as good in dark hair as he did in blonde, and Alice definitely suits short hair than long locks, I still like the overall look of this pic. Everyone looks so good, and i love the Victorian regal elegance of the setting. And Jasper actually looks pretty hot here. Anw i just prefer the Cullen clan's pic to the rest of the promo pics they have for New Moon.

On the subject of New Moon the movie, on first impression, it's really not v good (in my opinion, i find it the boringest book cos i cannot get past Bella's depression for most of the book) and i totally dislike her char in the movie, hesitant and ditching her best friend once her vamp bf is back. DUNCH LIKE. i know there's supposed to be alot of gals who can relate to her character but sorry i'm not on her camp. Plus I am defly on Team Jacob, i love his childish simple naivety and forthright manner, not to mention those muscles! *swoons*

However, when i spent time reflecting on the movie, gotta admit, there's just a draw about the whole Twilight saga (that's generating alot of third-rate spin-offs: was rolling my eyes at this series of novels whh is totally just trying too hard to jump on the twilight bandwagon) that pulls you in, whether it's the longing that's so intense between the characters that just bounces off the screen at you, or the mystical legends that brings you down those childhood lanes of dragons, princes, princesses and monsters, or the simple love story that just exists so simply it's too good to be true, it just draws you in deeper and forces you to breathe and dream Twilight.

So anyway, it got me reading Eclipse and i cannot wait for the movie to come out end-june 2010!!

www.lingeringfantasies.weebly.com

Just a fun project i kickstarted to clear clothes and fill my boring dayz. hehz. Do ask plus-size friends to support!

Lastly, it's gonna be Xmas soon! i'm certainly wishing the weather would turn cold enough for me to have the excuse to buy thigh boots and patterned stockings. I have already seen some i like on a plus-size site, but i shd curb myself plus the weather in Sg just dun permit. The most i can buy is ankle boots.

And i wanna a mini xmas tree like the pic! just sth small and cute on my desk. i do love xmas trees and nv had one in my entire life, so this would be cool. wondering if Daiso has?

I don't like it when I say this, but...

2009-11-27T13:25:00.002+08:00

I don't think my work as a counsellor has to mean i have to be a counsellor 24/7.

Lately I reflected on this, thinking about what happened in the yesteryears, when my expectations of people failed to be met, when people failed to be there when I expect them to, and somehow, I am expected to be there? I dunno.. it's the feeling i get again, and I dun like it, so hola, gotta back up abit and let the lessons sink back to me. If i dun wanna have expectations, i got to stop giving like I got alot of myself to give see? fair.. I guess i work like that so gotta accept it. I gotta stop giving the vibe that i'm okay and always-ready when people always download on me. cos when the consequences set in, i dun think it's fair to blame others either for expecting too much and getting nothing in return.

Few people can give me positive vibes nowadays, so i just gotta keep surrounding myself with these positive vibes. God knows i need it, having been sucked dry for so many years.

My sis was right on several counts, why try so hard for people who dun give u back? it's not even about expecting rewards or expecting that someone will pay for you when u go out. It's just plain friendship, the whole when-i-am-down-you-are-there thgie. I have the lovelies who has seen the worst of me and stuck through. I also have those I dun think i can trust to be there in a heartbeat, so seriously, why bother?

If i can only stop myself from freely saying the words, "I'll be there for you" all the time. I mean it i know, when i say it. But I dun think i get many recipocraters, and frankly i'm tired.

They say friends dun talk about price. I say, just learn it the hard way.

When all is said and done.

2009-11-17T03:27:00.003+08:00

I was reading an interesting anecdote off a local celeb's blog, and it's probably interesting to me becos of the innate message that seems to apply to my close friends and me at this stage.

I was having dinner with a girlfriend and she told me how she is facing quarter-life crisis. I don’t know what that really means (I guess it’s not something everyone goes through and even if we do, it turns out differently). Hers is an empty sort of feeling, of not knowing what you are really pursuing that will complete your life.

I suggested that she probably needs a man. She denies.
Then maybe it’s romantic love she wants. She denies.

Gee, women are always in self-denial. Haha, it’s true! I admit to that sometimes. Hee hee…

She says she doesn’t want to have a serious relationship.
She says it’s tiring to get to know someone all over again.

True, but isn’t the lack of stability that’s really tiring? I mean, when you date around as opposed to having a serious relationship. And you keep having to introduce yourself to many people instead of spending time getting to know someone better. At the end of the name game, you realise you don’t really know anyone well, and they don’t really know you. Sort of like Alfie, who is rich on the outside but poor emotionally. (Alfie referring to that long ago movie in which Jude Law starred as a commitment-phobe guy.

I think this piece struck a chord in me becos of my recent meetups with my gals, and we seem to be revolving around this issue of an "empty sort of feeling, of not knowing what you are really pursuing that will complete your life", whether it's a situation in a work environment, boredom with what one is having and craving more, uncertainty over partners, etc. For myself, it is like facing a turnstile and not knowing which direction to go next.

I'm loving my break but yet, in some ways made to feel guilty for it. I should not have to say that at this age, and i do not want to name the people who make me feel guilty, cos i know i'm also one of those making myself feel that way. Perhaps it just comes from this socially-trained protocol to always be busy and lazing around is plain uselessness, but i cannot deny the fact too that in sg, money makes the society go around. And when my hands stop working, albeit some of my lovely generous babes, i still have financial constraints. haiz. such is the dilemma. Got work got money no energy to spend. No work no money cannot spend. Much as i would like to continue taking my well-deserved break, i'm already getting more than a few gentle reminders that i should be job-seeking. And i am. From a combination of gentle reminders and my own financial constraints.

Much as i long for a guilt-free long break, i know that in this time and age, it's highly impossible. I can only make do with what i have from my break and be grateful for it. I cannot say i'm grudging of this fact, cos i do fear of my skills going to waste and my brain matter decreasing from lack of usage for too long. However this is where i foresee myself in this stuck cycle. Work, then fearing a breakdown from stress and fatigue, then take a break, then face societal pressure, then find work again.

I can only hope my sanity remains with me till the end of my cycle. Otherwise, I can once again rely on the strength of those who understand me, and my own strength to get me by. Since i know i wanna be pretty self-reliant, i should get used to this cycle pretty soon. Till i find the strength to explore broader horizons, of which i'm sure will aid my stuck cycle crisis.

Nobody said growing up was easy, but more than this, i still wanna be grateful for my own little piece of blue sky and not whine too much about the current state of affairs i am in, cos i know i'm a survivor, and will rise above it all.

2009-10-06T02:15:00.002+08:00

oooh.. the whole of september just passed me by! anyway for those who aren't in the know, i left my ****hole of a job le.. haiz, okay maybe i shun totally say ****hole.. there are definitely people i will miss, especially my lovely kids.. but when it's time to go, it's time to go. so shall not say more.

Anyway, i musta be quite efficient, cos i finished clearing my work in one week, or rather 2.5 days at the office (with some at home), so now i'm free...

However, i'm already planning for the next stage.. but first thgs first.. REST AND RELAX!! TAIWAN HERE I COMEEEE!!

I really do need a digicam though.. and am contemplating if i shd get one before my tw trip.. i let the COMEX fair just pass me by, cos i just hadn't the time to think about it with the workpile to be cleared. i know with my current finances, i shd just borrow from someone, my cousin or sis did say just borrow theirs.. but we are gg on trip at the same time, and i guess it just doesn't beat having your own, so u can always have it on hand, whenever u like, and take the pics u like. I'm just totally relying on my handphone camera now, and of cos it has its limitations.

Do i have 700 to blow on a Lumix LX3? *ponders*

that aside.. i'm just having the time out of my life now.. into my 3rd week at Charcoal Drawing course at NAFA, and gonna be a homely girl the next few days and pack the amount of garbage i carried back from office.. 1.5 years and i accumulated 3 bags.. shudders. can't imagine the rest of my ex-colleagues who are there for xx years..

Anyway ppl, till then.

*no pics* i was looking at my iPhoto library and realised i took a pathetic number of pics this year, thanks to digicam-less state, and it can be quite hard to get people to transfer pics to u.. so maybe i shd srsly think about getting one=)

2009-08-29T01:54:00.002+08:00

bonding session with mum and sistaz at hair salon today.. i did sth else to my hair. it's understated yet still punkish.. i'm loving it though.. *hints* my sistaz are calling me anime now.. haha, tho i'm a self-confessed klutz on anime.

the 1-for-1 swensons lunch deal is really worth it though! but GreenHouse @ RItz fails to meet up to its expectations. i'm glad flo had a delightful bday dinner tho=) the company matters most after all =)

alright pix to come when i'm less busy / tired / lazy.

2009-08-10T19:32:00.002+08:00

I duwan go back work tomorrow!!

*wails*

Why does PHs always pass so fast?

Anyway.. just a little more..

On a sidenote...

No matter how i know my bubble always burst in the end, i still believe in them, love the beauty of them, even in their shortlivedness..

2009-07-27T22:16:00.006+08:00

The classic Chanel 2.55 is one signature bag that every lady pursuing class and elegance should own, in my opinion. It is simplistically beautiful, yet so unattainable (at least to me at the moment). I'm still hankering after the dream of owning of a real Chanel 2.55, but doesn't seem to be within my range in the near future. So have been lusting instead after inspired versions online, some of which aren't too bad.

Chanel-inspired in their classic tweed design.. kind of unique and stands out from the original..

Thought the colours in this range are all really nice plus the design is closest to the original..

picked out my fave 2 colours

you can't go wrong with the classic black..

my fave shade of yellow - baby yellow. u thought i was going to choose the blue right?;)

The strap's even detachable to double up as bracelet ala Nicole Richie style (CC Double Skye Wrap)

black and white combi..

Other stuff on the site that caught my eye...

The BOW bag (no doubt made popular ala Gaga bow-style)..

think it looks nicest in my fave colour this time..

Vintage-ish slim wallet

Sleek. i like

love the neat hidden compartments, or maybe it's just the pic.

so the adage goes...

2009-07-21T02:05:00.001+08:00

when you can't beat them, join them.

i say:

when you can't join them, leave them.

xoxo

2009-07-10T22:40:00.002+08:00

Today, ling is very tired.

Saw another enactment of fakeo-ness today. How can people fake till this extent? But I'm sure, it's not going to be the last or worst. As life goes on, i'll see more examples of cleverly manipulative and complicated humans can be.

People, can be so tiring.

Been some time since i wanna scream or cry out loud. But there's no safe place to. i need a mountain, or in Singapore's case, a hilltop.

S.M.O.P

2009-06-30T00:29:00.000+08:00

Solve My Own Problem.

2009-06-23T23:00:00.007+08:00

i have not blogged in ages!!

well, that's cos i have been busy emo-ing, and then making another decision at another crossroads. but now's that all over and done with, i should get my act back and start planning for the next phase in my life!

After all, those who mind dun matter and those who matter wun mind!! my new catch-phrase. So i know no matter wad i do, there'll be critiques, but there'll also be those who still hold open their arms, NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!

i do agree that humans naturally just like to hear the good things, and get defensive about the bad. but IMHO, i think life's too short to be wasted on pondering over the bad for too long, and i should just learn to trust myself, my own instincts and get my super-fat butt moving.

Speaking about tt, i am getting oh-so-super fat. i am not denying it. just look at the fat faces in the recent pics below. only LavenderCloset has the ability to make me feel like a beautiful plus-sized babe now. Imma totally satisfied with the last batch of clothes they picked for me; haha i call them my personal shopper, cos what i need to do, is just get my butt down when the lovely owner tells me when the appropriate shipment (she thinks has the clothes suited for me) is here and i go and she will pick out the clothes she thinks would look good on me. and she is NOT like those annoying boutiques who'll press u to buy every single item they shove on u. she just gives her honest opinion on each piece and tells me when it aint look so good, and she totally und when i'm on a budget, and on top of the free personal shopper service, she still gives me discounts on all the clothes. and did i mention she would also replace items (even if i already worn them) when buttons drop and all? that is totally first class service. i'm supz in love with her personalized service that i seldom shop anywhere else but just wait patiently for her shipments. so i did splurge abit more this time round cos the last i saw her was in CNY, and i dint buy a single piece the last i saw her, cos the pieces she kept for me then dint suit me at all. But she was still totally sweet about it. okay i think i can go on ages about her. but i tell ya, she's that cool. u guys can check out her shop. She specialises in plus-size fashion but she does do petite ones too. love her love her love her!! i love people who dun make me feel fat. i already know i'm plus-size, and it doesn't help a freaking bit when u hear people comment about it day and night, as though it's a crime. and the worst thing is, sometimes u even get it from ugly and fat pieces of shit. it's like calling the kettle black isn't it? urghz. enough about this issue, another one i can go on for ages, but i shun waste too much time on it. Anw, i'm planning to do something about it once i get my F.R.E.E.D.O.M.!!!!

Okay. here goes the pics of June past by:

::Creativity at work::

Made for me=)

Girl-On-A-Swing

Groupwork...

::Bibi-overload... and i'll smack the next person who dare say he's ugly. he's the cutest ever (nan de he's in a photo-taking mood) and u better agree!!!!::

::Silly-ing around in the office, props courtesy of YJ::

LO acting sultry, and ol' fat me=)

YJ being wooperz cute

Back to Basics

2009-05-25T23:13:00.011+08:00

Been feeling an emotion overload lately.. I'm pretty attuned now to knowing when my body and mind needs a time out, so applied for urgent leave today, turned off my hp for a day, and just had self-time for myself..

This is (one of the things) what i did on my off-day:

Pics are a combination from my hp cam and Canon. Both sux.. super blur.. I NEED A NEW DIGICAM!!! Sponsors welcome! *beams*

Been neglecting my collection.. hope i can spend more time on it again.. starting on another set.. and need to stock up on display cases from Daiso...

::Good Food with family and friends::

My "time-out" weekend started with a home-made American-style breakfast compliments of my cousin. Though she complained it's not nicely arranged and the pic looks blah, who cares? It's filled with unspoken caring and i relished every bite.

Had dinner @ Prego's with my gals, flo and grace thereafter. Just a nice day out chilling, bringing out embarrassing secrets about each other, alot laughing and finally ended with drinks @ Harry's. Love my gals.. so can be myself with them, and they ask no more of me...

Gracie dear.. u know i'll support whatever decision u decided to make eventually.. Love u.

Fab crusty bread..

The best tiramisu i tasted to date.

The food at Prego's is good. Highly-recommended. Someplace i'll bring my family to soon...

Choc Amer @ half-price this month at Bakerzinn..

.. So good we bought a whole cake for mum's bday.

Contented bday gal (cos she had such filial daughters who spent her whole bday with her =)) and sleepy dog (no cake for him! ha!)

High Tea @ Equinox a while back with mum and sisters..

I dun recommend it unless you are into English Breakfast-style high tea, which i'm not really. I find the food so-so only and dun really live up to the hype.

Work tmr.. *groans* Would love a longer break but it has to be enough for now.

Haiz...

2009-05-04T21:29:00.006+08:00

Case of severe cramps again and a very very bloated tummy...

due to the "monthly visit" again... but so xin ku this time.. like pregnant.. not that i know how it is like.. but with my stomach problems, i dun think i ever will in case i die in the labour room in an awful bloody mess (urgh... let's not visualise further).

Anyway i have been...

lately.. health not v good these days... i think i oredi took 5 days of MC this quarter... not v good right... sigh.

I shall resolve to go to my cousin's TCM doc this week and be better soon.

On the other hand, i wanna say, when i went out with healing balm on Mayday to cele her bday, i bought pretty knickers!! it's in the most gorgeous colour ever! makes u feel happy and instantly pretty when u wear it! Sis' recommendation. Now i know what my girlfriends mean when they say how nice and pretty underwear are important! Instant mood-uplifter manz! hehe..

And i'm hooked onto chick lit nowadays... am re-reading Can You Keep A Secret by the Queen of Chick-Lit Writers (in my opinion), Sophie Kinsella. I can't find my copy at home (can't rem who i lent it to and never return) so i went to buy another cos i'm so dying to read another of her books after reading and re-reading Confessions of a Shopaholic. I have to say the novel is soooo much better than the movie, really disappointed by the movie - it really shreds the novel to pieces. i re-read it again after the movie, just to get over the disappointment of the movie. And i wanted to get the next instalment, Shopaholic Takes Manhattan, but the major bookstores just don't carry it! The assistant from the bookstore i bought Can You Keep a Secret? insists Shopaholic Abroad and Shopaholic Takes Manhattan are one and the same, just that they are different versions (1 Brit 1 Amer), which one i can't rem. BUT they are NOT. Take it from me. I read my Confessions of a Shopaholic from front to back to front till it's tattered, and i know it's different from the other version (The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic). Even the name sounds so-not-catchy. I compared the 2 novels, and i know it's different. Maybe it's only a few words and the way they phrase and placed certain parts of the novels, but they are essentially different. The bookshop assistant was giving me that i-know-it-better-than-you face but i just ignored her. So What? I am anal like that. i'm paying and i'm getting the version i like.

So in the end, i bought Can You Keep a Secret? and Shopaholic and Sister (cos they sold the version i wanted). I shall patiently hunt down the rest of the Shopaholic series.

.. And i'm already halfway through my Can You Keep A Secret? and i'm loving Emma Corrigan, even more than Becky Bloomwood. She's soooo your-girl-next-door. Really. Bye. Going off to read now.

I can't seem to find free websites to download themes and free games for my e66. Any kind souls who can send me webbies? I only want Puzzle Bobble, and Little Twin Star and PiyoPiyo themes and wallpapers!! hehe.. old school i know, but i like.

2009-04-20T00:46:00.003+08:00

Immature, low-class neighbours are such a pain-in-the-ass, on top of spoiling my Sunday evening.

*sulks*

Good Friday weekend was spent on...

2009-04-13T22:48:00.009+08:00

Dyeing my hair!!

Yipps! I finally got down to doing something to my hair, since i'm trying to restrain myself for at least another 2 months before i enter a salon, so in neeeeed of a haircut, but must patiently wait for it to grow.. sobx.

Tada!! Feng helped me. she's getting good i say, got compliments for it turning out quite even for a DIY job at home. Only cost me $11.30!

Ying said the color's only obvious under flash... blearghz. Actually my hair getting quite long le right..

Went out with Flo babe..

..and she treated me to this.
Crystal Jade Dining In @ Vivo

Koped all these images from Google Images, cos flo and i were just too busy tucking in to bother about taking pics. And anyway i didn't bring my cam out. *pouts* i really wanna a new digicam, my canon baby is going to die out on me anytime, with the blurry pics it's been taking lately. Okay i think i'm just making a fuss cos i wanna XX's LX3. I think it's quite dumb of her to go buy the cam since if she just asked, she'll prolly get sponsored for it anyway, given the number of readers who are going to read her latest entry and pull out their wallets for a new LX3.

Anwayz, some of the dim sum we had... plus more!! my foodie flo caaaaan eat... heeee

All-time fave har kaw

Mango prawns. I personally dun like mango, but flo ordered me to try - the combination is really quite sweet and pleasant. none of the niam-niam yukky taste of mango=)

Another all-time fave=)

Flo's fave. I personally feel the one at Imperial Treasure Taka is nicer..

She's such a sweetie la.. always pampering me. Sometimes i really dunno what i did in my previous life to deserve her. Going to call her my sugar mummy or fairy godmummy.. no one dotes on me the way she does man.. hehz. Anyway flo darlin', remember, no one can get ya down if u dun let them okay? u r always the bestest bestest gal..

Hurry up those who are swamped in work/revisions/exams/ISMs, finish your work quickly and come see me soon and spend time with me k? Miss yall sweeties...

::Feng's grad::

Feng "bi ye le"...

Beautifully-wrapped bouquet courtesy of cousin... anyone wanting flower arrangements pls contact her.. through me.. hehz

Next up: Studio pix!!

::Other photos::

Finally met up with the healing balm after like 6 months' hiatus...

...at Simin's solemnization. Beautiful reception..

Envies simin her room.. got all the elements i wanna.. platform bed, window seat... supz in love with her room=)

With the blissful bride=)

I'm Fat - So What!

2009-04-08T13:25:00.003+08:00

I think i should just face up to myself, after those past few days of crap from people. i AM bothered when people comment on my weight, or increasing weight. i am bothered when people look at me in a weird manner when i am out. i am bothered when my butt doesn't fully fit into the seat in the bus or MRT, some leftovers would crawl into the next seat. i am bothered when my clothes sometimes cost me more than the average girl. But i am going to stop beating myself up over it. in fact i have stopped since 2006, after the scare with my weight leading into depression. But i still let people's comments get to me, especially so-called concerned relatives who only see me less than 5x a year. actually it's only the relatives. my friends don't do that to me. my friends are bothered with the way they look sometimes themselves, but they dun give me shit for being fat. if they ever do judge me, which they don't, it's definitely not for the way i look. I cannot remember the last person amongst my relatives who made me feel it's okay to look the way i look. the last person who actually made me feel beautiful is sha babe, when i met her in 2006 and was on my way to self-healing recovery over my weight issues. she never once made me feel my weight is something to be considered, and she even gave me "You are beautiful" "You look fabulous" compliments. No one has any idea how much that kind of compliments mean to me. Because no matter what, i am a girl. i am vain, even if i am fat. i need to be assured by others too.

Hearing comments about my weight again from my cousin is really crap, esp the part when he thought i am gaining weight because i am taking it out on myself. it's like what the fuck. Budden none of them knows what i did last time whenever i hear those comments and i was stupid and didn't love myself then. Taking it out on myself? Now?Bull. I think they are still stuck in the time when i was 17 or 18, like i never grew up all these years. Never learn to love myself better. Actually their comments never change all these years. Self-image and physical beauty, i learned slowly, is a big thing in my families (both father and mother) and no one in these families ever make u feel beautiful for being plus-sized. No different from the kids at the playground or at school who jeer at TAF Club members. No one made u feel beautiful in these families other than yourself. So from 2006 on, i learned to love myself. took me that long but better late than never.

i'm fat - so what? I grew to learn that being extra large or small does not stop me from having my own personal style. i may not be able to fit in all the clothes in normal departmental stores. but i learned to look for clothes that flatter me and are pleasing to me. i learned to have my own style. in fact, i dress better than i did in those earlier uni days and even younger. i may be fatter now, but i look more great than those days when i was just occupied with how much i weigh.

I had no restrictions in finding what i wanna wear. So what if i cannot wear spag tops or figure hugging dresses? i found other avenues. Being fat also opened me to others who are like me and plus-size stores with clothes which are sometimes even nicer than the departmental stores who churned run-of-the-mill clothes with no style or personality.

I exercise now if only to keep me healthy. Not those punishing regimes in the past which i subject myself in a bid to lose that roll of fats. YES I EXERCISE. I MOVE ABOUT.

So i am fat, so what? Reading the thereupeutic articles about being plus-size in this society will teach me not to back down again the next time a relative makes those comments to me. I must really keep it in mind, to retort ON THE SPOT, and not miss the momentum by a few beats till it's too late.

I am a plus-size girl, but i love myself more than ever now.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/167031/im_fat_so_what_pg2.html?cat=47

"I have caught Tyra's spirit and I am also saying "So What!" I'm fat and so what! I am a beautiful, giving, caring wife and mother. My husband loves me the way I am and he finds me very attractive. So to anyone out there who thinks I should look better - so what! I weigh in 80-pounds heavier than when my husband and I married, but so what. After multiple health issues, childbirth, and thyroid problems I am lucky it is only 80 pounds and not more. I am tired of beating myself up over not being able to take off the extra weight regardless of trying everything under the sun to lose it. I'm tired and it's just not worth it anymore - so what. I dress well, my clothes all fit appropriately and even us plus-size women can wear attractive clothes. My thighs rub together when I walk and I have cellulite on my butt and thighs - so what! I can no longer go without wearing a bra as I was able to when my husband and I first got together but so what!

I'm tired of the fashion industry and society deciding for everyone what they feel is attractive and what isn't. I'm tired of people trying to run my life thinking that I would only be happy if I didn't carry the burden around of extra pounds. Losing weight and being thin does not equate to happiness. If you don't like yourself when you are overweight, you won't like yourself thin either."

Meghan McCain (John McCain's daughter)
"I have been teased about my weight and body figure since I was in middle school, and I decided a very long time ago to embrace what God gave me and live my life positively…. I am a size 8 and fluctuated up to a size 10 during the campaign. It’s ridiculous even to have this conversation because I am not overweight in the least and have a natural body weight.

But even if I were overweight, it would be ridiculous. I expected substantive criticism from conservative pundits for my views…. My intent was to generate discussion about the current problems facing the Republican Party. Unfortunately, even though Ingraham is more than 20 years older than I and has been a political pundit for longer, almost, than I have been alive, she responded in a form that was embarrassing to herself and to any woman listening to her radio program who was not a size 0.

In today’s society this is, unfortunately, predictable. Everyone from Jessica Simpson to Tyra Banks, Oprah and Hillary Clinton has fallen victim to this type of image-oriented bullying. Recent pictures of Pierce Brosnan’s wife, Keely Shaye Smith, on the beach in her bikini raised criticism about her weight and choice of bathing suit — as if the woman should be wearing a giant muumuu to swim in the ocean. After Kelly Clarkson’s recent appearance on “American Idol,” the first commentary I read on the Internet was about her weight gain instead of her singing.

My weight was consistently criticized throughout the campaign. Once someone even suggested I go to a plastic surgeon for liposuction. Afterward, I blogged about loving my body and suggested critics focus their insecurities about women’s bodies elsewhere. On the other side, my mother was constantly slammed for being too skinny, so the weight obsession of the media and our culture goes both ways. It also goes to both parties. Hillary Clinton has consistently received criticism for her pantsuits and figure. Whatever someone’s party, these criticisms are quite obviously both wrong and distracting from the larger issues at play.

The question remains: Why, after all this time and all the progress feminists have made, is weight still such an issue? And in Laura’s case, why in the world would a woman raise it? Today, taking shots at a woman’s weight has become one of the last frontiers in socially accepted prejudice."

iLike...

2009-04-06T23:07:00.002+08:00

how ohsofickle writes so unabashedly and so hit-on-the-nail abt stuff sometimes. i was totally feelin' like crap today and my earlier 2 entries dun even begin to give vent to what i really feel inside, and her latest entry describes in essence what i wanna say, in the right words and tone.

"People who don't bother TRYING to put themselves into my shoes should seriously NOT comment at all because AS YOU CAN SEE, i've not been in the best mood lately and i really DO NOT wish to read all those comments.

....

But no, i still wish to lie to myself now. I don't wanna think about it. I wanna act as if that isn't happening....

So fuck man....i really am crying as i'm typing this because sometimes i really really wish people would stop thinking i'm a ......

I don't expect people to say nice and good things to me all the time but when people say untrue stuff, and act like they know it all.....it is fucking annoying and hurting because you guys JUST DONT KNOW."

Yup. Just get off my back already.

i'm off to indulge in something that'll make me happy. And hell no. it's not food. i already had my happy perk-me-up low carb 150cal 70cent vanilla cone today (like dunno in how many donkey ages since i had an ice). i have other make-me-happy things that don't involve food so there.

2009-04-06T16:41:00.001+08:00

It acutally still pricks. But being bothered will soon season me.

I just know i should love me me me and i'll be fine. =)

I Already Know

2009-04-06T16:32:00.003+08:00

People on this side of the planet can be so superfluous. I met more than my fair share of people who can only appreciate the superficial side.

It should bother me no more. Seen enough. Heard enough. Actually it doesn't really already when the person dun matter to me much.

But i need to learn to come up with a clever comeback. Retort. On the spot. AND STOP CARING ABOUT THE IMAGE I'M GOING TO PRESENT, LET THE PERSON THINK THAT IT ACTUALLY BOTHERS ME AND PAY MORE ATTENTION TO MY OWN FEELINGS.

Like:

Can you please be more interesting than the 4plus million people on this side of the planet and say something newer? So boring to hear the same thing know? like nothing else interests u.

KNNB CCB. Noob.

Got a Day Off on Monday...

2009-04-02T23:45:00.004+08:00

And this is how i spent it..

It is carthatic to organise room! i like. I may be a budding interior designer at heart, instead of social worker! muahahahahaha...

And i like reading Square Rooms these days! Dug out all my old issues when i was clearing room and start re-reading. Can't wait to get my own apartment some day!!

And other new buys:

little twin stars pen (MIJ). Feng says this kinda pen will last a long time.

new summerish work bag!

little fan for my study!

2009-03-24T22:17:00.002+08:00

i'm indescribably tired these days. i hope i'm not burned out yet. but i'm increasingly longing for my own me-time to just space out.

stones.

On a sidenote, so glad to see my healing balm on sat. Pics up soon when i get them from my sis' cam!

2009-03-17T00:00:00.002+08:00

I love Cactus at Marina Square!

It was an unexpected discovery whilst out shopping today. A very cool concept of renting out cubic spaces to budding entrepreneurs or blogshops or pushcarters, it operates like a roof over all these creative ideas.

Feng and I got a piece of something each from the shop. You should really check it out the next time u are at Marina Square, providing u don't already know about it before i post here. Oops. i can be such a lagger at knowing such places some times.

I'm loving my new vintage-ish, fantasy-ish earrings i got from there. And it led me to know about another accessory blogshop online. How cool is that??

http://cactusfarm.sg

http://loveblink.blogspot.com

2009-03-13T14:18:00.003+08:00

my lappy is still. as a tombstone.

I accidentally emptied half my bottle of water all over the keypad yesterday, and being the ignoramus i am, i just blotted tissues and as it is working fine after, i thought it is fine...

about 1.5 hrs later, the keypad started going nuts on me when i was msn-ing my sisters.

I panicked. upon sisters' advice, took hairdryer to dry it till i had to go to bed. and i on-ed the fan the whole night to blow it.

I think my attempts to salvage came too late.

i nearly cannot log in this morning cos the keypad is going crazy. when i finally did, i dared not off it. however it is burning up and for fear of causing more problems, i just turned it off.

Yahoo! Answers told me on my office comp this morn that i must deal with it immediately when my laptop kena'ed the water. i was 1.5hrs late..

Sobs. i only hope it's still salvageable when i bring it to see doctor tonight at Wheelock.

Dear pristinely beautiful iBook, i solemnly promise not to drink in front of u again if u recover.

2009-03-06T00:16:00.002+08:00

I thought i got over it. But no.. I over-estimated myself.

Even if i tell myself that i have let the incident go, but if i still feel hatred when i pass it by, does that mean i have let go?

My problem. I love intensely. Care too much. And unfortunately, i also hate longer than i imagine. Problem with being a idealistic girl living in a realistic society.

When will i learn?

my fave wan-wan comic - have to click on the smaller image to view bigger version!

2009-03-04T20:54:00.003+08:00

my tummy is =)

2009-03-04T20:38:00.004+08:00

ai xin bian dang...

My tummy is feeling happier these days with ai xin bian dangs such as this (freshly prepared in the morning, not leftover food), ruyi oil and Woodwards sweet syrup.

My tummy is =) now.

2009-03-02T22:45:00.002+08:00

Unbelievable ya? looks like the real thing... i'm so in the Rement mood again. My 2 new lusts for now to add to my collection!

Updates

2009-03-01T22:54:00.005+08:00

Urgh... don't like feeling nothing-to-do-ish.. now the days are just made up of work, home, dinner, tv, sleep. Cos just too drained during the day by work to wanna do anything much other than stone in the evenings. Then weekends are sleep sleep sleep. i need like 10-12 hours sleep a day i swear, and since i don't get them on normal workdays, i just gotta snore my weekends away. Plus i really hate the crowds on weekends, so unless bo-bian, like working friends can only meet on sat, then sat will go out. But to date, i haven't been going out much at all, as everyone's busy busy busy.. so my weekends are spent half at work (when it's my turn for Soccer Club), and in the sack.

I really dunch like how routine my life has become, though I have no issues about being a zai nu, a homey gal. but NOT when i just eat, sleep and watch tv. Am so missing the time when i took the semester off then in uni and i had all the time in the world to daydream and explore my passions. I know i know time is what u make of it, but i'm just tired. I wanna those days when i feel i have all the time in the world and i can do what i like. Way tooo long since i indulged in my hobby of miniature toys, DIY-ing, colouring my pics, doodling or decorating my cosy corners.

Am gonna try to take time off once these upcoming 2 crazy weeks is over for MYSELF. Me-time, here i come!!

And really wanna go join the lyrical hip-hop class on sat! Shall not CHICKEN out again as i did on sat.. was unprepared la. the speed, but after standing there for a while and watching them, it doesn't look as bad as i thought it would be. Not as fast. Making a promise to myself to go challenge my own limits. All the yadda-yadda about i'm still young and all. and more yadda about me dancing like a duck. Shall overcome that!

I really really need to get into more action. Cos i'm becoming a BIGGER homey gal. Have learnt over the years to be comfy with my body shape, but hor, the numbers on the scale and the recent pictures showing the added weight on my body tells me to my face that I MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT least it affects my health. So trying to eat healthier. More soups. However i had already indulged in 2 fast-food meals the past week out of convenience and lateness of eating. I think tracking down my meals and listing them out as feng taught me would present the shocking reality of my diet to me. HEALTHY EATING!!! and of cos my health. The gastric attacks are beginning again. haiz.. ya yah, v hard to believe someone of my size having gastric attacks. But reality is as such.

Enuff of the depressing updating about my life. I GOTTA DO SOMETHING about the stale state of it. But it's MY Own Business. So i shall take my time and tackle it bit by bit, a step at a time. HEALTH FIRST!! Then ME-TIME!

Sooo i really wanna upload some more pics but the Internet Connection is going haywire on me again. Shall just upload a couple super-wuper cute toys i got on Sat!! i dun wanna waste more time waiting for the other pics to load. COS I NEED MY SLEEP! Anyway most of them are rather outdated. So wait till i take more fresher new pics! Till then, love yall! (those who are still good to me and love me back at least.. haha)

ta-da!

Wuper-cute Mr Bean...

Get them at any Mr Bean outlet! Proceeds will go to charity.. tho i dunno how much. Honestly, i bought them cos they are cute *sheepish grin*

Been a long time since i updated, so lets do a photo log shall we?

2009-02-09T23:01:00.010+08:00

Getting bitten by Dr Fish!! It's really quite fun, once u get over the initial gross-ness of something feeding away on ur dead skin.

Camwhoring whilst getting our dead skin fed on..

Mummy commented i have the most fish.. cos i got the most dead skin, thanks to my seasonal eczema.. Dr Fish is sposed to be good for psoriasis or eczema patients, dun see much improvement to mine=(

darlin' bee attempting to fit into a Daiso basket with his new toy.

cute hammies bundling up.

watch that hammy in the distance holding the water bottle by its paws. awesomely sweeeet

nice takeaway cup from a foodcourt. Love the scene on the cup.. my kind of world.

i like vintage stuff.

Our Reunion Dinner (incl Bibi's foodbowl=)) Simple but tasty.

Bibi on new satin sheets... (NOT his ah!!)

While "shou-sui"-ing... our yearly tradition.. Macs delivery to keep the sleep bugs at bay.

Day 1 CNY dinner, leftovers from Reunion Dinner with a couple of new dishes, like fish and prawns.

Fondue-ing

Yay!! Home-made Fondue...

Only Part 1 of pics uploaded cos internet decided to "ba-gong" le.. refuse to upload more pics despite numerous tries. and it's time for bed! NY resolution, to get at least 8 hrs sleep everyday! i'm still bordering on 6-7.. not enuff!!

2009-02-02T00:06:00.002+08:00

http://jenniferlin.multiply.com/journal/item/32

Seriously what is the world coming to? I don't profess to be an all-animal lover, but images like this always are disturbing, especially when i start to have nightmares of people doing that to Bibi. *shudders* esp so cos in one of the pics, the kitten was lying in a position like Bibi, utterly trusting of the human handling it.

Sigh.

2009-01-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

The impending CNY promises the yearly commentary.

This year, I shall not be beaten.

2009-01-16T00:16:00.002+08:00

http://ohsofickle.blogspot.com/

I just came across this blog and in a matter of 30mins, i must say i'm awestruck by her spunky, kickass, justdoit attitude, and the most amazing thing is, she's only 17!

Now, what was i doing when i was 17?

Actually she's like a ang-moh style kind of asian girl living in an asian society. And then, there's the environment she lives in

Nonetheless, she really inspires me in a go-get-it kind of way.

Makes me inspired to really just explore my options and expand them.

-----

Laid off doing my New Year Resolutions cos it's never been a habit of mine, but have the itch now. Maybe cos of the inspiration.

Just one. (cos my non-functioning mind is going to sleep soon)

Saying Yes, in a be-good-to-myself kind of way.

Yeah this boils down to better time management and being abit more selfish.
The Yes means alot i think: open up my horizons, being kind to myself, blah blah.

My mind is really not functioning le. Needa sleep. Will sleep on this and come back with more if i can.

2009-01-15T23:07:00.002+08:00

i'm really stressed out. and tired. and beat.

But yet it's kinda the first time i think i'm thriving on work. Maybe it's the first time i feel that my mind is occupied constructively. I do enjoy the learning of something new. Esp when it's hands-on learning.

Just call me an experiential learner. A thousand instructions mean nothing to a single activity.

On the personal life-side, i'm really really isolated. I need to go retail therapy at lavendarcloset, and move stuff back to the study-room (yippees it's cleared out again!), and do this purging of my wardrobe as i saw in a Elle article. Start throwing all those years-ago clothes away and get a new wardrobe with simple classics! I also read somewhere that we only wear 20% of what's in our wardrobe.. so what happened to the other 80%? Time to purge and spend wisely on beautiful timeless classics!

And springcleaning! dun remind me..

Trip to Malaysia - The Sightseeing Part

2009-01-03T01:33:00.012+08:00

I think i should just start blogging abt my trip, else I may just procrastinate like i did 2 years back, for my HK-China trip, and end up not blogging at all.. and having complaints from da friends: When are you ever going to blog about it?

Shall start with the easiest.. Sightseeing. since my trip wasn't filled with alot of sightseeing, thanks to my shopaholic sisters (okay and me as well in case they come kill me for just blaming them, seeing that they helped my lug my HUUUUUGE Sylvanian House across the Causeway).

My uncle, who housed us for the week at Malaysia at his house and brought us around, had a well-planned itinerary for us, which was much destroyed by the feminine instinct in us to shop. Anyway, let's not go there yet. Just stick to sightseeing first.

4 of us at this government area of KL which my uncle brought us to.. dun really like it cos i just dun find it v special.

Found my favourite symbol..

Realised it could be a good place to suntan..

::Genting Highlands::

Mountain view up to Genting...

The mountain road...

We really spent alot of time on the road for this trip. 2-6hours of travelling on the road everyday.. very tiring. Dun feel like i got a proper rest at all. But ah well, there's always my darl sisters to keep me entertained.

I realised i dun like Genting as much as i did in my younger days. The rides are really quite worn out (and maintenance and safety were two of the top questions on my mind), so i dunno if it is fortunate or unfortunate that we only managed to do an average of 3 rides each (thanks to the school holidays crowd, which means average waiting time for one ride was one hour)

::Cameron Highlands::

Bountiful tea-leaf lands.

Another world. Another land.

We had tea here.

Tea place overlooking this breathtaking view. I'm guessing this would be gracie's kind of world.

The one town on this Highland.

Headed to Strawberry Farm. I'm amazed at how 'westernized' this place is. But i learnt from my uncle it's started by a Caucasian guy.. the Cameron Highlands.

The fresh strawberries for the day were sold out. =( managed to only take a pic of an unappetizing strawberry on a strawberry plant to prove we really been to a strawberry farm. Heh.

I think i was just so amazed to see a rose growing in Malaysia that i had to take a picture of it.

Other beautiful flowers we took pics of for our cousin who's into flowers (she does flower arrangements).

Love this interesting flower.

See the close-up, how the petals curl up..

Found an interesting leaf plant that curls the same way.

I like Cameron Highlands, way better than the stinky smoke and stale smells of the overly urbanised Genting Highlands. I love the temperature, not as bitingly cold as Genting, with its warm and mellow sunshine. But i think i'm the only one in the family who likes it. Mum dun like it much.=( Think she only likes the part when we were shopping for strawberry souvenirs. It's crazy i tell u.. the amount of strawberry-themed stuff they have. Any pink-loving, strawberry-obsessed gal would go mad.

That ends the sight-seeing part of my journey. Shall update on shopping after i collate the pictures from my sistaz' sides.

2008-12-28T22:08:00.002+08:00

So. My trip wasn't exactly the well-deserved, restful and fruitful trip i planned it to be. Actually, scratch "fruitful" in terms of shopping. Cos the shopping was pretty fruiful.

Felt more like a week of not enough rest (added to the sleep debt), aimless driving around due to an autocratic planner of our itinerary, and emotional torture, which just cemented my belief that my relatives are all of a kind-superficial beings. Yup, i'm surrounded by superficial people. So want to go away for CNY. Sounds like a bout of running away from what u can't escape, but i believe i'm entitled to my pride and ego, thank u very much. Just need to count my expenses to see if i can scrape enough for a 3D2N Bali/Batam trip.

At least the shopping was good. Wait till i get my act together and load my pics.

And my take from this trip? I SO LURRRVE SINGAPORE AND MY DEAREST FAMILY.

2008-12-20T04:02:00.002+08:00

I just wanna leave Singapore on a happy note and enjoy my well-deserved holiday in Malaysia with my beloved family.

I hate knowing how some people can be: they just don't care how their actions affect your work, and because your voice is smaller, you can be pushed around. You are depended on to produce the results these idiots get away with.

I hate knowing double standards. Or triple standards. Or even quadruplet.

But at the end of the day, I know i just need to care that I answered to myself, that my integrity is v much intact.

Just wanna finish my reports and enjoy my beautiful well-planned holiday.

Thankies to vonniedear for listening to me cry just now. Think i been holding it in these past few weeks.

My (Superficial) Journey

2008-11-29T12:22:00.009+08:00

So muthafucking angry with the attitudes of certain imbeciles who breathe the same air but do not act like they are any smarter anyway.

I can und the attitudes of the youths.. given their exposure to the world and their egocentric personality at their life stage: they are superman in their world. But how about those who know better? Their actions belie their age.

I am not going to keep quiet about it and just swallow it like it's a fact of the world, even if it is. In this world. In this land.

Cos in my land, i can say however i like it, thank u very much.

1. Fucking pissed off with people who act greater-than-thou and behave like they own the entire aisle in the supermarket. It's like, hello, the supermarkets here build the aisles for the average Singaporean build and just becos they dun have the money to build u bigger ones doesn't give u the fucking right to cluck your tongue (such a childish way of showing displeasure) when someone bigger tries to cross over u and trip cos your fucking big basket which is fucking bigger than your entire body is in the way.

2. Or maybe i should aim my source of displeasure at the way the aisles are built here. It's the same as seeing a plus-size enjoying a burger. They stare at u in that incredulous manner designed to make you feel guilty that you are even considering eating a burger, becos for goodness sake, get rid of the extra burgers on your body first. Similarly, the aisles here are built to tell plus-sizes that, you just gotta muthafucking fit your body type into my aisle. Thank God for Giant Hyperstores and Hypermarkets. Not as big as Aussie or American supermarkets but still satisfactory enough.

3. Is it like we are any less healthy? For muthafucking god's sake, most are probably even healthier than those who chow down burgers and shakes like there's no tomorrow, and then they have the cheek to turn around and look at the plus-sizes, and say, why u so unhealthy? Just cos the fats dun pile on as fast cos of their Bottomless Pit stomachs (which doesn't guarantee their clean bill of health anyway). What's the real issue here? Health (which is deemed to be valued more than gold) or Slimness? Truth be told, most plus-sizes are already so guilty that their build dun fit in with the societal norm and are trying their best to do so. But u guys dun give them a break do u?

4. But the worst of all are the hypocrites. Acclaiming to be the true health freaks, sports freaks, and then condemning the plus-sizes for being, well, plus-size. What have your Health degree, Sports degree, taught u? That there's only 1 body type when it comes to health and sports-and that is the typical Figure 1 type? And does your degree encourage u to criticise, or to help?

5. Like the search to superficial beauty, enough is never enough. Ask me. I too had my fair share of princess dreams. Dreams of fitting into those clothes i used to think are the only style to go. Dreams of being slim and popular and garner attention as the queen of prom. Endless dieting, expensive gym classes, exercise routines, slimming pills, eating healthy, which still amounted to the thoughtless remarks, no encouragement, same body type and finally self-mutilation took too much of what could have a more beautiful 5 years in high school and University. The wake-up call which came in the form of a battered body (the spoilt metabolism and weak stomach) and the worries of those who truly cared no matter what body type i am, started me on the road on self-recovery and self-love. For the past 2 years, i have never truly loved myself as much as i do now. It was still a 2-year journey fraught with unkindness and remarks passed becos these people truly do not know any better, but it was a also a 2-year journey that taught me more about self-acceptance than any time. I really wasted my 5 years.

6. The journey isn't at an end. I know i still have more to learn, that i haven't fully grasped the concept of self-acceptance as i should. That remarks will still continue to hurt, but not like a dagger in all the way as in the past, but more like BB pellets that hurt for that fleeting instant and bounce off.

7. If I need any unconditional love, at least i know my doggy will give me that anyday. He's unbothered by my size since he doesn't know any better and cannot tell me how he truly feels anyway. Haha, maybe pet-lovers are like that? They just need that form of unconditional love.

Always love myself,
Ling

Looooong Updates (photos-heavy)

2008-11-13T00:40:00.007+08:00

Was just talking to my colleague the other day.. it's only about 1 month before our immensely-long 2-week break in December, however, in the meantime we have loads of work to clear first!

Haiz, let's not think about the depressing stuff.. these 2 weeks had its share of minor hiccups for me, but as like all things i learned, i'm trying to learn to take it in my stride and let it be a good lesson for future repeats of the same incident.

So let's fall into the things that have been making me really happy this past month!

::Jolie Avenue::

I discovered a couple of online shops i really like.. the first one is Jolie Avenue, which came to my notice first through Grace. She bought me this really lovely pair of earrings for Xmas last year, and i been in love with the shop ever since. I bought something for one of my galfrens, and she really liked it. thinking of buying from them for my Xmas shopping this year again.. In the meantime, i gotten a few trinkets for myself!

In the mail... intricately and individually wrapped.

The pair i love most at the moment.. made of buttons and scissors charms.. Sewing Kit earrings as they are called by the creators. Super Unique. Loves.

Constellation set of earrings and necklace.. Thoughtful discount given as i purchased it in a set. Reminds you of the constellation of stars in the sky ain't it?

Spring earrings. Can be worn on all seasons in my opinion. I love the swirls and leaf charms.

::Lavender Closet::
I actually discovered this online before realising they have a shop on Bugis level 2. Simply love their well-made plus-size pieces and impeccable service by the sweet owner, Kayde, who makes the effort to remember all her customers and their likes and styles. No pics to show but some of the pieces i been wearing to work received good compliments. Yipps! I love how the cut of their clothes flatters.

::Recce-ing at Sentosa::

This Nov-Dec been and is going to be fun fun fun cos i'm working with my fav gals.. We are just a crazy bunch when we get together and laugh over the silly jokes we make.

Eating that Giant 'dog at Siloso Station

Brings you back to childhood doesn't it? I wanted that playhouse when i was younger..

What's hiding behind the brollies?

"hui(3) meng(3) yi(4) xiao(4)" 2 pretty ladies..

Acting like 2 shy shu nus on the bridge..

Gimme that papaya!!

:: 2D1N Soccer Camp::

Our Soccer Club which we initiated is taking off.. albeit some hiccups along the way.. We know at the end of the day, it'll be worth it.

The 2D1N camp was a form of bonding for the boys.. and despite it being only 2D1N, it was enough to tire the workers out.. think i'm getting old.

(i dunno if i'm allowed to post pics of our youths on the net.. so only got us here)

Waiting for the boyz to serve us our BBQ food.. haha

V tired on the 2nd day of camp..

All things yellow.. a little sunshine.

::Food at Various Places::

I been to various places, mostly with my beloved family, to eat in the past month.

::Marche @ ViVo::

Verdict: Not nice.
The food used to be better. Actually the place we chose to sit at was nice, till a group of ............ came in and spoilt the atmosphere.

Lovely cottagey atmosphere till our meal was spoilt.. [-_-"]

::Awfully Chocolate from ViVo::

Meis wanted to try.. I had it a few years ago when a friend bought it, but i had the banana version. Both are equally nice, but for this, we tried the pure version cos 2nd mei dun like banana. Fussy. Haha. We also tried the ice cream, which was pure H.E.A.V.E.N.

::Ma Maison @ Bugis::

Fine dining Japanese-Western concept restaurant tucked away in a corner on Level 3.

Verdict: Not nice cos my paella wasn't done nicely at all. The rice was too hard and dry and the seafood was not fresh at all. To think it's their signature dish.

Lovely atmosphere. I love their soft romantic lighting and candlelight and quaint table setting.

Meis' pasta was nicer than my paella.

Messy arrangement plus not-nice paella [-_-"]

The bill was settled in this unique manner--bring this set of keys to the cashier! Haha innovative! 2nd mei said she wanted something like that for her 21st gift-mum told her to bring this home to wear. Mei was like [blearghz] haha. love my fam.

::Desserts @ MOF Bugis::

My first time trying their desserts. Meis and Mum had tried them before at the CCK outlet and had praised it to the skies. Really lovely, light on the palate, icy-cold with fresh ingredients. Loved every bite. A delicious way to end the evening.

My sesame ice-cream..

3rd mei's...

:: Pa's Bday::

Dad's bday was celebrated with a Coco Obsession cake from FourLeaves.

I love this pic, though it's dark. Love how Bibi is looking up at papa.

::Treats from my dears::

I cannot say enough how v lucky i am to have these dears in my life.. must be karma accumulated from previous lives. Always there to pamper me and spoil me, these 2. Who else but my flo and grace dears?

Grace dear treated me to a day, all-expenses day treat. First lovely dim sum at Min Jiang Restaurant at Goodwood Park, then a relaxing scrub and massage at Fullerton, then tea at Raffles Hotel, and she got me these 2 lovely gifts--a lovely candle-holder carved entirely out of marble, and a lovely painted-glass box to store my knick-knacks. Am i blessed, or blessed?

Then another week, my dearie flo dated me for lovely dim sum at Imperial Treasure Restaurant at Taka (this place is authentic for their dim sum-can bring my family there sometime). The silly gal bought me this cute little twin stars expandable ruler. i still can't stop laughing at her expression over the expandable ruler. hehe

Yes i really love dim sum. I prefer good dim sum at times to a full heavy meal, cos with dim sum, it's light on the palate and i can try a variety of dishes. My dears know me well. And i love eating with them cos they make food more enjoyable with their hearty appetites and interesting commentaries on the food haha.

At Imperial Treasure.. tea to cleanse your palate.

Lovely belated bday gift from my sweet nurturer Karrie!! Lovely old gold fairy necklace to add on to my collection! i dun really like gold but old gold, almost fading to bronze, is nice. I love the design of this fairy v much. Thinking of using this as a template for my next tattoo!

::Ladies' Night @ Waraku::

Finally plans for a gals' night out at my centre followed through. We decided to utilise the lovely promotion Waraku has for the ladies on Mon night - 50% off the entire bill for min. 4 ladies! Is it good or wad? Promotion till end-Dec for those not in the know, ONLY FOR LADIES. I heard most of the restaurants already have their Mon nights booked up to Dec. So now must walk-in. Lucky we had Piglet who took time off who kindly went to queue early for us. We ordered like there's no tomorrow and ended up paying only abt 20bucks each! And that is given that we ordered like there's no tomorrow...

Gimme my food quick! Hungreeeeehhhh...

The humongous bowl of udon.. all the udon/noodles are served in such a manner.

Monkey-ing around..

Blissfully fed.

Deceptively pretty desserts. not nice one. dun order. Stupid "Tart-ufo" as my boss called it.

2008-10-22T23:06:00.002+08:00

All kinds of people really do exist. and it's fark care which kind of setting you are in. I can only hope it's another growing and learning experience that will enable me to come out stronger and better as a person again. Again, i can feel my old self coming back. Disperse negative ions!! Show me more lurrrve man.

If there's one thing i have learned all these years abt myself, I know i am strong enough. it's just a matter of whether i want to do it or not.

I don't really want to keep thinking nobody is indispensable. hello tts not what i teach my children. but the sad reality is it is. Now how can i surround myself with uniquity again to disperse the negative ions of this phrase?

urgh.. so many thoughts now.. luckily i have piglet and djj to talk to.. outlet for frustrations is always good.

i'm loved...

2008-10-18T00:14:00.004+08:00

so farkin' tired this week.. it hasn't been a good week cos it is one of my worst months for my period.. so damn damn tired.. what makes it worse is it's also one of my busiest weeks.. i was literally struggling through the late nights and keeping alert for my sessions. i think i just got to learn to cope with late nights and now working saturdays. sigh.. i need my break soon.

i'm loved...

Despite the rough patches that period of time, we pulled through. those lovelies in my life. it's the little unexpected things they do that makes my life sweeter these days.

i think more imptly, i just work things out for myself as well and realise that i should learn to not be so hung-up over too much stuff, cos they'll just farkin drain my energy for better things in life. on top of that, i'm also learning to take no shit and just prioritise.

::Long Overdue::
I had a meet-up with karrie before she sinks into her pile of work..

she intro'ed me to a nice food place that day.. Modesto's!! it's my first time, and i must say, i'm loving their pasta with its generous ingredients and the fragrant wood-grilled pasta.

Yeah here's a pic of my new bed.. like finally=)

Having new bed means i gotta rearrange my room again.. haha.. and packing my stuff away.. the reason i bought my bed is cos of the storage space underneath where i can stow away all my knick-knacks and my beloved sylvanians. The storage box peeking out of the bed doubles up as a bedside table for me.

i want to post pics of my room but blogger is acting up on me again. ah well. pics another day then! i still have some more pics pending from others.. bye folks!!

My New Sylvanian Families Space

2008-10-13T01:35:00.002+08:00

http://ling-sylvanian-palace.blogspot.com/

new stuff..

2008-09-21T22:28:00.010+08:00

Um yeah.. i know it's ages since i blogged.. but then really ah.. since work started, my life's been pretty routine.. like work, home, eat, sleep, work, hanging out with family, friends, doing my own stuff... it's like pretty mundane? heh.. i'm thinking of taking up some new course or skill too.. before my brain goes into dormant mode. hehz. thinking of taking up tennis lessons.. hope plans with sha comes through.

so here's my updates thus far..=)

:: Inked ::

Yeppers!! I finally gone ahead and got inked. I been wanting to do it for sometime.. thought of doing it on my birthday this year as my birthday gift to myself. But then i don't really know where to go do it. It's my first tattoo and so must be nicely done.. So waited for my sister to find us a tattoo artist first. She found one through her friend. Mentally prepared myself for a week, finding designs i liked from online and went to do it.

:: Choosing the design... ::
Rihanna's trail-of-stars tattoo.. it's like sooo coool!! i really wanna do this at first if not for the fact that it's at a place where i can't really hide (the back of the neck.. even with collared-tees, can't fully hide too) and hence inappropriate for my work nature. Then the tattoo artist also said that the smaller the tattoo (these are tiny stars), the more painful it is. For a first time, without a gauge of the pain of tattooing, i dun really wanna put myself through the torture. He also said that though it's nice-looking, but it's not nai-kan and doesn't have much meaning attached to it (true)..

SOOO COOOL la.. Rihanna rocks!

This was the other design i printed out.. I fell in love with this when i first found it online, and i decided that if the trail-of-stars dint go through, this would be my choice. I liked it for its simplicity and cuteness and also the fact that there are five stars (to represent the 5 ppl in my family as well as it being my lucky number--my sis initially asked if i wanted to colour it white and red and add in a moon as well.. blearghz -_- ! ). However i dint want the dots around the stars (like so kindergarten-ish "i'm a shining star"?? no no no). I took a long time deciding how i want my star to look(my sis got tired of waiting for me to make up my mind... but this is for life!! so dint care, took time to think through it. ). Initially the tattoo artist showed me how it would look like without the swirls and with shading around the stars (cos i wanted a shooting star effect) but i felt the stars look too individualistic by themselves and would not fit into my representation for my family, so i decided to leave the swirls in as per the tattoo (i do like swirls anyway, v dreamy mystical effect) so the stars would look connected=)

Here goes.. taken right after the tattooing. My first star tattoo. Very red around the edges of the stars still due to the shading.

Under lesser light..

I'm loving my star tattoo!!

Tattooing isn't as bad as it appears to be, i mean the pain. It's very bearable. In my opinion, hardly painful at all. And this is coming from a person who's terrified of injections. I find tattooing less painful than an injection seriously. But also, it's got to do with the place u choose to tattoo on. I did it on my right shoulder. Whilst tattooing, my sis and i also asked the tattooist which are the places on your body where it's more painful to tattoo. He said the most painful are behind the ear (v popular place) and the lower waist/hip area.

With regards to the skill.. hmmm, actually upon closer look at the pictures, i feel my stars are not done very nicely. This is also with my sis' opinion. She also dint know his skill, till after our tattoos are done. For example, actually I wanted to see if he could do Rihanna's star design for me down my shoulder, as i really liked it loads, but he can't do it (sigh). Of course, have to take into consideration orientation of the design and all la, but i feel a more skilled tattooist would be able to give me more opinions/alternatives. And the place does not have internet access, i mean, what if your customer wanna looks for designs online? Plus he does not have any star tattoos in his folders of tattoo designs (which i found strange, since i thought the star symbol is one of the more popular tattoo designs). If i hadn't brought mine down, i would not have been able to do my tattoo. In any case, i knew i wanted to do it that day as i have already mentally prepared myself for a week, and i knew if i dint do it that day, i would not have the courage to go ahead with it again. So ultimately, all in all, for a first-timer, i'm glad i did it, unproportionate star and all=). but will DEFINITELY go touch it up elsewhere along with my sis. This time, we would do our homework better.

Another thing i have to add is, tattooing is pretty addictive. I'm already thinking what design i want to do next, though placement of the tattoo can be headachy due to my job. But i'm sure i'll work it out!

This also got me hooked on Miami Ink, a show about a group of tattoo artists from Miami and the ppl who go to them for tattooing. Von was the one who told me abt this show actually. This group of tattooists are highly talented, and v nice ppl. they would also create their own tattoo designs and the money they get from the sale of the designs, they would give it all away to a group of poor, rural farmers living on the outskirts. V nice lor.. dun stereotype these people. For them, tattooing is a form of art. Their clients come in with life stories and the significance of their tattoos.. i think sometimes, their work is almost similar to mine, listening to others' life stories.

:: Outings ::

And of cos my outings with my lovelies!!

:: Happy Birthday to my sweetie flo ::

Had a lovely buffet dinner at The Line for her celebration.. one of the best nights i have had of their buffet. Note: Thursday buffet is pricier but nicer.. worth every cent. Hope my sweet gal enjoyed it.

:: Ubin cycling with the uni clique ::

Took a day leave and went cycling with the uni clique.. been ages since we caught up and we could all make it that day!! yayy!! It's my first time on Ubin and cycling there is really much tougher.. i simply cant handle the steep slopes and they have to wait for me.. ooops. we had much much fun cam-whoring and chatting at one of the jetties (cant rem the name) and watching the planes. Very relaxing day...

:: Food's always nicer when u have a foodie friend who loves her food!! ::

Sha's appetite for food and life has always been amazing.. i have never ceased to be amazed by her zest for it since OCBC days.. haha. Eating with her is always fun.. cos she really just packs it all away in what i call her "elastic stomach".. it's like never full one. FUN day chowing down $0.99 delish plates of sushi at Suki Sushi and orgasming over choc fondue at Andersons Denmark Ice-cream cafe at AMK Hub with her. And of cos even more fun chatting and joking around.

:: Comfort day ::

Met my sweet babe for Mamma Mia The Movie and comfort food, xiao long baos at Tamp Mall after purchasing my bed (the stock finally arrived!!) at Ikea.. Just a laid back day, sinking into old-school music, back to the ABBA generation.. Meryl Streep was great at her age, playing the role with much energy and oomph! And ahhh.. COLIN FIRTH.. so darned cute can.. and who can beat the charm of ex-007, Pierce Brosnan. He just got that charisma that younger stars do not possess nowadays.

Signing off with a collage of Bibi.. he's just so cute that day and i cun resist camwhoring with him.. Nan de he's so cooperative too!=)

2008-09-01T22:17:00.006+08:00

Imma feeling like i achieved alot today, standing at one of the peaks of my work with youths thus far. today had 3 sessions-2 joint sessions and 1 individual, and each session gets progressively better and more fruitful towards the end of the day.. The icing on top of the cake came in the form of my last individual session with my youth, he's really my "pride in GP", as i told my colleague, so so proud of his progress in the program thus far.

Really feeling on top of the world tonite=)

I gotta go sleep soon.. tomorrow gotta wake up at an ungodly hour for Professional Seminar organised by our organisation.. so just leave yall with some happie photos of fooood...

On one of my time-off days, treated my sweet mum and sis to Fish & Co. Having the ability to treat my darl family is a real happiness for me.

::All-Time Favourite Fish & Co. at AMK Hub::

Feng's mushroomy soup.. never tried before. main reason is that my Seafood platter is usu more than enuff for me to order anythg else..

Feng's mussels fettucine(?).. tasty even for s1 like me who dun like cream base pasta.

shared my all-time fave with my mum.. she was shocked at the amt.. haha

another all-time fave.. Jungle freeze.. refreshing bits of rambutan and lychee mixed into it..

loving the hot choc cake with oozing sauce accompanied by ice-cold ice cream..

my sweet sis..

mum and me..

argh.. i really need to get down to exercising again soon.

happier times...

2008-08-20T23:48:00.008+08:00

been told my entries are getting emo recently. Actually i dun really think so, cos i haven't really unleash the full emotions. maybe i'm just wanting to be a coward now and avoid it. maybe i'm thinking, if they dun care, why should i always be the one caring? maybe i really dun want to feel angry and sad but pride holds me back, maybe i wanna give in again but i think, why should i cheapen my own emotions and sweep everything under the carpet and pretend that everything's alright? maybe just this once, i just feel like sticking to my own guns, as much discomfort it is giving me cos i'm so used to saying sorry and giving in first. Maybe i just want to account to myself just this once.

Actually why so many maybes? Even if i think to death about the topic, there isn't any point. It's just this way sometimes. nobody's really at fault anyway cos we all have our own opinions about the way things have happened. And humans being selfish humans, are most, scratch that, all the time just too preoccupied with their own problems and forgetting that others have their problems as well. Oh of course being in my profession i shun be saying that, but then, social workers are human too.

It's probably more time-conducive to think about how i can make myself happier, so here goes... long overdue cartload of pix over the past month.

FOOOOODDD.... i been in a pasta craze and had lurvely friends who brought me to great pasta places....
At Delight and Delicious, sharon's bf is co-owner of this kopitiam stall that's slowly gaining popularity (been featured in a paper!!). Hidden away in a kopitiam at Tiong Bahru.. Abundant amount of seafood with my pasta--credits to sharon's presence hahaha..

seafood pasta at BakerzInn.. Virgin try there with ZT.. very very good.. the sauce lingers long after i cleaned the plate.

Comforting hot chocolate. ZT's... love the dish and artfully arranged marshmallows with dusting of chocolate powder.

Adorable desserts served tapas-style..

Warm classic choc cake with orgasmic hot chocolate sauce flowing from within... served with vanilla ice-cream interestingly shaped like a leaf..

at the only outlet of Kim Gary's in Spore.. at Vivo City.. Huge servings of Hong Kong delights for extremely reasonable prices.

at a Shanghai cafe.. beautifully arranged cereal prawns.. a tad too oily for my liking though.

SUPER big xiao long bao!! Gotta drink the tasty soup with a straw.. i never get tired of my xiao long baos... comfort food.

Fondue'ed strawberries at The Line @ Shangrila. Ma family's fave buffet place.

a sweet home-baked chocolate muffin from a nice colleague.

::Da food partners-in-crime::

::Randomness::

an unplanned-for fuschia day in the office..

the puppy got neutered and his recovery process was a period of torment for us.. haveta cope with his moodiness, swollen eyes and pain when we applied his medicine.. Almost felt bad for sending him for the op, but it's necessary for his good health in future..

Interesting collage done by a group of kids at a forum i haveta attend..

I will still cry

2008-08-11T03:20:00.003+08:00

CRY
Rihanna

I'm not the type to get my heart broken, im not the type to get upset and cry
cause i'll never leave my heart open never hurts me to say goodbye
relationships dont get deep to me never got that whole enough thing
and someone can say they love me truly but at the time it didn't mean a thing

my mind is gone im spinning round and deep inside my tears i'll drown
i'm losing grip what's happening i stray from love this is how i feel

this time was different felt like I was just a victim
and it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life
now i'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms
of a girl with a broken heart but no matter
what you'll never see me cry

did it happen when we first kissed cause it's hurting me to let it go
maybe cause we spend so much time and I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby maybe why im sad to see us apart
I didnt give it to you on purpose gotta figure out how you stole my heart

my mind is gone i'm spinning round and deep inside my tears i'll drown
i'm losing grip what's happening I stray from love this is how I feel

this time was different felt like I was just a victim

and it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life
now i'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms
of a girl with a broken heart but no matter
what you'll never see me cry

how did I get here with you i'll never know
and never meant to let it get so personal
and after all I tried to do to stay away from loving you
i'm broken hearted i can let you know
and i wont let it show, you wont see me cry

this time was different felt like I was just a victim
and it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life
now i'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms
of a girl with a broken heart but no matter
what you'll never see me cry

this time was different felt like i was just a victim
and it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life
now i'm in this condition and i've got all the symptoms
of a girl with a broken heart but no matter
what you'll never see me cry, all my life

********

This doesn't seem to concur with me. When i first heard the song, i feel like it's such a fighter-ish sort of song.. ya know, never cry.. but these past 2 months, even if it's one of the most stabilised periods for me, emotional-wise, i recognise that i would cry no matter what.

I would cry when i'm feeling down and alone.

I would cry when a sad show pricks my tear buds.

i would cry when someone uses harsh or angry words. (cos i blardy hate noise and quarrels)

I would cry when i'm hurt.

Although the past 2 months has been a happening period filled with happy special moments (at least for me-birthday, convo and many family moments), it has also been a period of awakening, of crying for me otherwise. Becos there are just too many things to learn and comprehend, to stress over, to be angry over, to be given a sharp awakening to, to be hurt over at one time. And what else can i do except to cry and try to pick up the pieces by myself? Everyone's just too absorbed with their own set of problems.

Well at least, i can count my blessings in having the happy family moments balance out the unhappy otherwise moments.=)

Ever since that time 3 years ago, i have never had another awakening as such till now.

At least lesson learned at this point is: I know i just gotta pick up the pieces of my heart by myself no matter what.

I just stop expecting or hoping for anyone to care enough to do so anymore. Realistically, life is just like that. And although i won't stop crying, I know I'll grow stronger with each tear as a stepping stone. I won't shed them for nothing.

2008-07-29T22:46:00.002+08:00

I saw something on the bus today that made my day... at such close proximity too. Happy. I was asked why dun i take one step forward. But i think, there are just some things in life, that when kept a mystery, just gives you that little idealistic illusion and happiness, so why not? Remembering all the hurts which exposion may bring, I'm happy now just at one glance, one look.

That suddenly led to another chain of thought, that in the face of love, nothing else matters. I just suddenly thought of when someone is in love, he/she can make all kinds of sacrifices in terms of time and priorities alignment for his/her special someone. But I haven't seen it happen in friendships. Maybe in others, not mine. Maybe that's the way of life? *shrugs* i'm just making the statement based on observations of people around me, whether they matter to me or not. I guess I don't have the chance yet to see if it'll happen to me, not having really been in a proper relationship before. I can safely say for now, what sacrifices i had made for the ones i crushed on, i made on for friends as well.

Haiz. I shd just keep the unhappy thoughts at bay and focus on the simple little happinesses that keep me happy=)